I think, I feel, I want, I believe

 

I think, I feel, I want, I believe

                              Sipping 'Unknown Pleasure' and often wondering, what do I really want?

Some days we sit still with some thoughts and then they marinate for what seems like ever. This piece of writing is long due. But am glad that this rainy Sunday has rendered itself to some thinking and overcoming the writer’s block.

It was during International Women’s Day (IWD) 2025 that I decided to do this little survey. Every year, there seems to be so much talk about what to do on that day, the offers at malls and restaurants, the token initiatives and then slowly, things die down. It has taken me a while to put the results together. So, I thank my 93 participants for their time and interest and some fascinating answers.

The message that was shared.

Hello Ladies,

Happy International Women's Day 2025. Let us embrace the theme this year- For ALL Women and Girls: Rights, Equality, Empowerment.

At the outset, Thank you so much for your time.

This is a simple survey to understand what you think, feel, want and believe this International Women's Day(IWD). The data will be analysed to write an article. Am not promising path breaking ideas, discoveries or sweeping changes (though I wish I could). However, I do believe that we need to begin and continue (for the ones who already do) to share our thoughts, feelings, needs & wants. And given that this form reaching you is a snowballing sampling technique, I am optimistic that we shall capture diverse ideas.

Look forward to reading your thoughts- https://forms.gle/iiSMfyuFM26jxZ1g7

Lots of Love,

Madhurima

P.S: Could you kindly fill this and also share with more amazing women whom you know.

The Survey and what it showed

I asked them to write a Pseudo name and some of the quirky responses were Queen, Alive, Stressed Girl, Just a Girl <3, Try Stopping Me, Starry Eyed, Beautifully Dancing in the rain, Unreasonably Audacious, balance is my super power. Some chose character names like Arwen Evenstar and Black Panther.

Most of my participants were between 30-44 years of age and I also had some in their 60s. About 10% of them did not care or did not believe in the initiatives on IWD.

When asked, what annoyed them the most about IWD celebrations in Institutions (schools/colleges) and Organizations, the top four answers are

1. The tokenism about it (all about this one date in a year)

2. The misplaced understanding of feminism

3. Competitions like cooking, rangoli and ikebana that reinforce traditional roles and expectations

4. The ideal woman definition (The woman with 10 hands)

One of the participants messaged –“Can we please stop cutting cake for IWD. This is not a birthday”. I couldn’t agree more. We are succumbing to Eat cake and be happy trope.

I also asked what they wished Institutions and Organizations instead did on IWD and all year round. Some of these are already being done by few organizations, but we do see a lack of awareness or intent in many places.

The top answers that emerged here are

1.       Encourage women to prioritise their physical and mental health with organization wide initiatives
2.       Create mentoring and networking opportunities for students and women in early careers
3.       Empathetic policies for women returning to work
4.       Start CSR initiatives that support organizations working for marginalised women
5.       Organise financial literacy programs
 

All of the above can start as small initiatives and convert into policies with the right nudge from leadership. We not only need mentors and coaches, we need allies in the workplace.

       I closed the survey with a question inspired by one of my favourite podcasts (The Seen and the Unseen by Amit Varma). I asked them to share the name of their favourite Venture/ Book/ Film/ Podcast that are women led. The generosity in the sharing made me smile and I had to then categorise them further into Books, Venture/Initiative, Favourite Women Authors, Podcast, Series, Personality/Youtube Channels and Books.

Favourite women authors

 
·        Agatha Christie
·        Jane Austen
·        Attia hussein
·        Chimamanda Adichie
·        Maya Angelou
·        Arundhati Roy
·        Coco Mellors
·        Sudha Murthy
·        Anita Nair for her books which helped me get back to reading, immensely grateful to her
 
 

Books
 
·        Palace of Illusions
·        Thousand splendid suns
·        Anand by Sekhar Kammula
·        Godavari by Sekhar Kammula
·        Women and Power
·        Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie
·        Book duology - Jorasanko and Daughters of Jorasanko by Aruna Chakravarti - focuses on the impact and influence of the women of the Tagore household on the social zeitgeist of their time.
·        The patriarchs - why men came to rule
·        Mahashweta by Sudha Murthy

Venture/Initiatives
 
·        Taxshe
·        This women run bookstore/ cafe that I came across in Cunningham road... It was wonderful seeing a business/ venture thrive that was solely run by women... (I think she means Champaka :))
·        Vilvah, Sugar cosmetics
·        Vanasthree
·        Anaa My Health Nutricare services
·        Women who Code
·        Google WomenTechmakers program
·        California women lead
·        Ashraya Seva Trust , Bengaluru
·        "Sudha murty's- Infosys foundation
·        "
·        Neeta Ambani wearing multiple hats
·        Curly Tales
·        Samvit Sudha
·        Mongabay India
·        Aravani Art Project - Trans-women and CIS-women led art collective, uses art to create safe spaces for the transgender community and advocates for social change through public murals and other creative initiatives.
·        Atheya and Invicta Learning  as it is proudly run by two women

Films
 
·        The Six Triple Eight
·        The Great Indian Kitchen
·        Mona Lisa smile
·        The Help
·        Stepmom
·        English Vinglish
·        Erin Brockovich
·        Saand ki Aankh,
·        Lipstick under my burkha
·        Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
·        Three Idiots
·        She Said
·        Laapata Ladies
·        Kiragoorina Gayyaligalu (https://youtu.be/qKRdQF-YDR0?si=fP76Dq6A_YiAKxiH)
·        Frances Ha
·        The Anatomy of a Fall.
·        Gejje Pooje (Kannada)
·        Thappad (Hindi)
·        Magalir Mattum (Tamil)
·        Mrs
·        Mirch masala
·        Bottoms
·        Queen
·        Hidden figures
·        Greta Gerwig movies
·        Greta Gerwig's Little Women (both Jo and Amy's monologues!!!), Barbie and Lady Bird.
·        Barbie
·        Legally Blonde
·        Bend it like Beckham

Podcasts
 
·        Where should we begin- Esther Perel
·        The hidden economics of remarkable women  (HERO)
·        The Gal Gala (https://thegalgala.substack.com/)
·        Womaning in India
·        Podcast hosted by Smita Prakash
·        Rotten Mango
·        kkcreate
·        The Swaddle

Series
 
·        The Glory (Korean)
·        Ginny and Georgia
·        Radha Ramana (Telugu series)
·        Fleabag
·        The Crown

Personalities/ Youtube Channels
 
·        Rapid Rashmi
·        Kiran Mazumdar Shaw
·        Kiran Bedi
·        Sridevi
·        Palki Sharma show
·        Women spies of WW2

 

#IWD2025 #WhatWomenWant #WorkplacePolicies #Equity #Conversations

What are you reading today?

 What are you reading today?

A question I often ask in my trainings to my participants, in my academic classes to my students.

Sometimes I get detailed answers on the book they are reading or listening to, the journal papers or some random article they read that morning.

Sometimes there are awkward silences.

Participants tell me they don't have time to read or they just don't read books; reels or viral LinkedIn posts are more entertaining.

I have often heard adults lamenting how kids dont read today and they are always on the gadgets.

Till a few years back, I would quietly judge wondering how can someone not read. But today, I am wiser I think. I try and understand the why but also how can we inculcate the habit of reading.

So, sharing what I tell my participants and students and what I tell the fellow parents, when they ask "How do we begin reading? " Or "How to get the child to read? "

1. Reading is not a competition- each of us read at a pace that works for us. There is no ideal time to finish a book. I do keep a track of how many books I read, what genre, new authors but that is only a personal benchmark.

2. Read anything you can get your hands on- a book, an article- short or long form, a magazine, a pamphlet, news shorts... Even what is written on newspaper packets or the statements on t-shirts.

3. All genres are good- let us stop being snooty about genres. We could have a favourite genre ourselves but let us refrain from imposing. Fiction, Non-fiction, Mystery, Romance, Drama, Magical realism, Translated works, Vernacular literature- all work.

4. If you are not enjoying a book, stop reading it. Don't be a victim of sunk cost fallacy... Time and life are precious. Sometimes some books just don't work for us and it is ok.

5. One is boring, want to read multiple books at the same time- Go-ahead. Over the years, I have realised that I prefer reading multiple books- one physical book and another on the kindle and sometimes all physical books... I usually read different genres simultaneously. That keeps the momentum and the interest.

6. Children mirror us adults, most times. So, if you are a parent who wants the child to read... Then you also reading helps the cause. Sometimes you could read out aloud to them or read along! Make it a family activity.

7. There is no perfect time to read. We can set aside a time everyday but also not be bound by it. I like to read when I have my morning coffee or when am travelling in the cab or when am waiting at the doctors or the bank or even at Ranga Shankara for eg. Once children take to reading, we see that they read everywhere and at all times.

8. Reading is not a tickbox activity or just a hobby. It over years becomes a part of who we are and shapes how we think, feel and act.

So, go ahead.. pick up just any book and read!

#LoveReading #ReadAnytime #ReadAnywhere #BooksIn2025 #IraLovesReading

If you ‘No’se it, you know it

 

I often talk about self concept, self worth and self esteem in my sessions, nudging my participants to focus on self-love and acceptance. However, sometimes, that journey for self takes time, because we are most vulnerable often in the simplest situations. 

Sharing a piece of that vulnerability in the form of poetry!

If you ‘No’se it, you know it

An ode to my nose, my insecurities about its imperfections, a reminder of the judgement and taunts and yet the acceptance, the ‘I truly don’t care’ victory lap, 40 years too late, embracing it with a nose stud. And like Ira rhetorically says, “Can you breathe with your nose? Then it is a perfect nose!”

Hi there!

Ohh too blunt..

Just like a button

Did the gene just stunt

Can you smell the mutton?

Ohh too long

Just like a hook

The unmatched song

Dug deep in a book.

Ohh too fat

Just like a blob

Too much space taken

A weird door knob

Ohh Dear Nose

All those curious eyes

Judgements agnose

Say your good byes!

Hi Dear Nose

Look at you shining

Imperfectly perfect

Smiles you’re winning!

#Acceptance #EmbracingImperfections #LovePoetry #SelfLove

Rima, you are deeply loved

 

                                                Rima at Infinitea, Bengaluru

Dearest Rima,

I wish I wasn’t writing this letter to you. Because that would mean you are still amidst us in flesh and blood, being the amazing you. There is so much to say and there are such wonderful memories with you; that the mind seems in a kaleidoscopic phase right now, turning those moments, laughing, tearing up and just feeling overwhelmed.

The first time we met was at Palladium mall. Api and I finished work and she said, “you are going to meet one of my closest friends from Mumbai”. Little did I know that I would say the same, years later. I still remember you wearing the golden yellow printed salwar kamees with flowing dupatta, long hair, big bindi, a smile that reaches the eyes and heart; and of course the unabashed laughter and conversation. Over drinks and dinner that day, we spoke about your work at Karadi, how you both knew each other and about Mumbai, in general. It was a happy happy evening that brought you into my life. Will always be grateful for that day.

Over the years, Mumbai became synonymous with you. Would land in Mumbai, call you and say, “Oye Rima, tere shaher aa gayi. Kab mil rahi hain!” (Rima, am in your city. When are we meeting?). You would say, “Welcome ji” and the plans would begin.

Whether it was just walking the streets of Colaba and bargaining to buy earrings, then eating at Leopold and hailing the kaali peeli to go back to the hotel; or walking down marine drive to see Ganesh visarjan, you had a story for every occasion and the same excitement every time.

                   An evening to remember, watching Mrs.Chatterjee Vs Norway. Photo toh banti hain :)

Over the years, we had certain things that we did when ever we met, trying to catch a late-night show, going to Pritam da dhaba for dinner in the recent years and then ofcourse that one time when we literally raided Chhedas and picked so much snacks that we needed to buy new bags.

When in Mumbai, the trip is incomplete without Vada Pav. One of our iconic vada pav eating trip was to the one near Kirti college. We asked the cab bhaiya to wait, while we sat in anticipation of what was to come. You got all of us vada pavs and we sat in the cab, ate, chatted and guffawed away. Cab bhaiya was too polite and to give us space, stood on the side of the road and enjoyed his vada pav. That will remain the best vada pav experience ever.

Resourcefulness was your second name and nothing was impossible for you, literally. The one time when I was travelling alone and was dealing and figuring out all my intolerances, we lunched at this beautiful Bird Song Café. What stays with me from that afternoon is that you always had a way to make people feel loved and cared for, even while stating that, “yahan pe na tujhe dessert milega. Nahi mila toh koi naa, aur ek jagah hain…” (you will get desserts here, if not, there is another place). We did go to that another place and picked up desserts and then rushed to the airport for my flight.

You loved Mumbai in the night and we saw a few glimpses of it, through your eyes and with you. Last year, you wanted us to do a breakfast at Taj Lands Inn and made that happen. Sitting there for breakfast that day, enjoying the breeze and the slow paced breakfast, it almost seemed for a moment that we had left the worries of the world behind.

You being a part of Invicta over the last few years saw us working closely. Your meticulousness and ability to make even a session tracker conversation interesting made a mundane day bearable. You were a sounding board, who always had level-headed suggestions to give and your keen observations helped many of us only do better at work. When you sat through a session and picked up nuances that we had missed, we wondered why didn’t we see it. Even this week in a session, I kept thinking what would you do in that moment!

Adulting is hard by every measure, but the way you adulted in your most difficult and tumultuous moments, left us in shock and awe at the same time. You taught us that come what may, take things head on, trust what life has in store for you and just savor every moment. You love music and there was rhythm in the moment when you would close your eyes and enjoy a song. For someone with borderline music intelligence, I just enjoyed seeing you being in that moment.

A few months back, we were having a crisis day at work and we got on a call and you told me you were getting your chemo and so sitting there and sending voice notes to clients, kyunki to dos had to be done. You just said it as a matter of fact, there was no glorification of the moment and that was you, as real as it gets.

Our last video call was on the 27^th of December, 2023, while I was in Goa and you called from the hospital, while Api was there with you. Even in that moment, you enquired about us, how Joy was doing and then told about yourself. Api later told me that you sat and made calls and spoke to friends that day.

We can only imagine but never know the pain you went through. While cancer devastated your system, it could do nothing to your spirit and zeal for life.

Am sure there is a lot left untold and it has taken me a few days to pen this. The grief and pain has been deep and will stay for ever. What we can choose to do is remember you and cherish every moment with you. Thankful that life brought us together. Know that you are deeply loved and the world was a better place because of you!

Love and hugs always,

Madhu

 

#FriendsForLife #Memories #Gratitude