"I want to colour my hair blue!"- 'Wishes', the Ira way.

                        Our little 'Rebel Girl'!

Being parents to a little human being is one of the most adventurous things that has happened to us! Every day is an adventure, every conversation has adventurous elements and every little wish of our little girl is adventure personified.

This weekend she suddenly out of the rainbow said, "I want to colour my hair blue!".

The parent in me reacted.
Mamma: "what, why?"

Ira: (calmly) "I want to colour my hair blue, like Coy."

While I was still in my head figuring out who she is talking about, P realised she is talking about Coy Mathis.  We read about Coy in the book 'Goodnight stories for Rebel Girls' and she is one of our favorite 'Rebel Girls' . We are currently on the 37th story reading a few every week.

And then the conversation continued.

Mamma: Ira, you cannot colour your hair. You are too young and it has chemicals.

Ira: But why can't I, when Coy can.

Papa: Because it is allowed where Coy is. Her school allows it.

Mamma: Yes Ira. She lives in America. It is fine there. Here we have strict rules. May be you can colour when you are 12. But only the edge of the hair.

Ira: when I can choose my own dress, why can't I colour my hair.

Mamma: well, that is a simple decision. But colouring hair is about putting chemicals which may not be safe.

Ira: But I am also allowed to make big decisions and do things that I like. Choose what I play, what I watch, what I eat.

Mamma: yes, we have given you the independence to make your decisions about certain things. But some things...

Ira: But I want to colour my hair.

Mamma: ok. We can talk about this later again. And like I said, when you are 12 may be.

Ira: (Getting her negotiation face on) no, when am 7.

Mamma: Naah. 7 is too young to make this decision.

Ira: But Coy is also that age.

Mamma: yes, but like we told you there are some rules in schools here and we have to follow that. Also, we are ok with you colouring your hair but at a particular age. Not before that. (thinking of some solution for now). And you can ask Nash (Her hair stylist whom she worships, literally).

Ira: (in tears) Ok . But I can make my own decisions.

This was followed by some tears, some hugs and we decided to get back to this conversation. Till when this conversation thread picks up again!

Parenting is often not about the big things, major changes. It is actually about small conversations that our little human beings want to have with us,small ideas, the tiny steps towards freedom and decision making and how do we help that growth story.

There are no easy answers and we didn't have one either. But yes, we acknowledged how she felt, we understood the context where this idea came from. A part of me feels proud that she is internalising some learnings and a part of me wonders, where does she pick up these 'rebel' ideas from.

The rebel gene must be largely from Papa because she even sounds like him a lot of times. People who have intercated with her closely can vouch for that.

For now, P and am happy to raise a 'Rebel Girl'. So, raising a toast to rebel parents too!

And yeah, today is Daughter's Day and we did wish and hug and kiss and do things together.

#HappyDaughtersDay2019 #Daughters #Ira #Iraisms #TalesAtFive #IraAtFive #HairColour #Decisions #Conversations #CoyMathis #ColourMyHairBlue #Parenting

Panelists, please note!

Saturday, 23rd July 2016

Personal Relations Council of India, Bangalore Chapter was celebrating Daughter's Day.

The theme of the event was, "Because I am a girl..".

I was invited to be a panelist thanks to Sushma Balu. (Do read her fabulous blog- www.missbalu.blogspot.in)

Being a panelist is a job of responsibility. In my opinion, it requires some preparation , an open mindedness and acceptance that there will be varied and drastic opinions on the panel that you may or may not adhere to. So, on my part...I did a bit of reading up about policies for girls at national and state level. Tried to understand the implementation process and the snags. I always feel that there is so much to learn and so much to know. The morning arrived, and I went to the venue dragging (literally) my leg. The entry to rangasthala (Rangoli Metro Art Centre) is at one end and it is a long stretch of walk when you have a ligament tear. Prashant, Ira and Savita came along.

As the panel discussion was underway, some tips that I learnt from panelists over the years came to mind and sharing them here.

Five things when you are a panelist:

1. Keep self promotion to a minimum. The moderator has already introduced you.
2. Answer the questions posed to you.
3. Let the other panelists speak. Do not cut them in. No one gets an award for bad behaviour.
4. Come. Prepared. Do some background reading.
5. Open mindedness and acceptance that there will be varied and drastic opinions on the panel that you may or may not adhere to.

Post that hour of discussion, headed home feeling a Saturday morning was interestingly spent. The best part of the day was Ira sitting in the audience and saying,  "Yaay Mamma!", each time I had the mike.