Showing posts with label Lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lessons. Show all posts

Friday, January 6, 2017

I speak for



Dear Ira,

Writing another one of those letters. A letter from a mother to her daughter, from a woman to a girl, from one human being to another. Time and again incidents around us are a stark reminder that we have to look out for ourselves and for each other. We women have to find the strength in we. The new year's eve mass molestation case in Bangalore reiterates the safety concerns for women. But what strikes me as a greater concern is the way women folk have reacted to it. There are some poignant , thought provoking reactions, some jingoisms and then some reactions where the onus of safety is completely on the woman and how she should have the common sense to not do things that can put her in harms way. I want you to know Ira that yes, you are responsible for your safety but you are not responsible for someone else's hideous misbehaviour. You have to be smart to know where to go and how to handle situations but you are not responsible because another human being forgets to behave like one. I want you to know that Papa and I intend to enrol you for some self defence course (guess by the time you get around to reading these blogs of mine, you would have already been enrolled:)); because we want you to be prepared to deal with such people but we don't want you to live in fear.

You are a little girl today and tomorrow, you shall be a young woman. But you will remain our little girl. We want you to be brave, strong, smart. We want you to embrace life for what it is, to be loving, caring and giving. This poem is for you and every other little girl around.

Love,
Mamma

I speak for myself
I speak for all women
Learn to say, "No",
Learn to say, "Enough".
Let your voice be heard,
Let your rage be seen.
Break those stereotypes,
Break those shackles.
Dare to dream,
Dare to speak.
Go, travel the world.
Go, live your life.
Be brave, be smart,
Be confident, be assertive.
Know your rights
Know what is wrong.
Do not give in,
Do not give up.
Find your calling,
Find yourself.
Discover the wild you,
Discover the 'child' in you.
Strike that conversation,
Strike that fire within.
Beat that mind set,
Beat those expectations.
Carve your niche,
Carve your path.
Journey untrodden roads,
Journey unexplored ways.
I speak for Ira,
I speak for all girls.




Friday, December 2, 2016

The 'First School' for your child - 10 Mantras to help you choose




December is here and with that parenting groups,  mommies groups and school groups are loaded with questions on playschool,  pre-schools, nursery, alternate schools,  montessori method and all discussions pertaining to schooling and school admissions.  It is in some sense a big deal because we need to start the hunt early and if we are choosy,  it makes the hunt even more tedious. While embarking on this search last year, I posted my query on Fb and got some very practical suggestions on how to choose the school. Thank you to everyone who wrote on this thread a year back.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153215440895796&id=675550795

Prashant left the initial groundwork to me. So, I started the way I know best. Made an excel sheet with details about the schools that is easily available and then another set of details got over the phone. Post that we took appointments and went and met the school authorities and saw the premises.

So,  here are the 10 mantras to help you choose a school.

1. The Methodology Followed
Today there are many options. The traditional playschool/nursery method, the montessori method, the Waldorf method, the Steiner method. Read up,  do your groundwork and decide which method will work for your child and you. Parents today have to complement the teaching technique at school with how they also imbibe those learnings at home.
We visited the IMTC website (http://www.indianmontessoricentre.org/schools-recognized-indian-montessori-centre),  did our research and felt that we would like the montessori method. A lot of schools and famous chains claim to use these methodologies but a shocker was that most of their teachers are not even trained or certified.  A very famous chain of schools we visited, the centre head told us we teach multiple intelligence to the children and follow multiple methodologies. So, when I asked her what she meant, she said, you know we use play technique, stories... You wouldn't understand. Yes,  we were actually told that. I was also aghast to see that the pamphlet said they teach kids existential intelligence, whereby teach them about life and death. When asked,  they said we teach them through play. Seriously, teach a two year old. The chain was off our list immediately. Often they rattle off terminologies and jargon,  and underestimate the preparation a parent may have made. I wish they were a tad bit more sensitive to this aspect.

2. Distance between Home and School
These days our toddlers begin schooling very early.  It helps if the travel involved is not much. For them, it is a whole new routine.  Waking up earlier than usual. Getting ready to go to a new environment and meet new people there. Less distance to travel is one less strain avoided. For some parents,  the deciding component would be the distance from their work place to school,  depending upon their arrangement to drop and pick up their baby. See what works best for you. Look at options both near home and work.

3. The Physical Space
The school should have a natural play space. Good ventilation is also essential. Added benefit if they have a ground or garden, have sand-pits and trees. Lot of schools have artificial play spaces, no trees and boast of indoor gyms. We were finicky about this aspect and many schools were struck off the list on this criteria. A word of caution would be that do not go by their photo gallery on their website  or Facebook. Very deceptive to say the least. Some of them looked like they had long corridors and huge halls but later you realise they are small spaces shot smartly and distance between gate and building is few steps. Lack of ventilation is also a concern in many of these playschools. With almost 20 children crammed in a small space, it seemed nightmarish. The school doesn't have to be fancy, it has to be utility friendly for children. One important point is that they must have children friendly toilets with small pots and low level handwash basins. It is a safety requisite. Some schools also had an overboard of cartoons all over. At one place Ira went to the wall and rattled off names of some of the things she recognised- lion, apple, monkey, tree.  While the parent in you feels triumphant,  it is essential to understand if the sensorial element is too much, seems forced. Some plain walls would be good,  you know. Let the children imagine what can cover those walls.

4. The Teaching and Support staff
As parents, we are fiercely protective when we are sending out our children into this big world. One of the ways to maintain sanity is to talk to teachers and also the support staff and see how comfortable you are. While teachers can have qualifications to show, it is essential that they come across as gentle and disciplined and open to understanding that each child is different. The support staff help the children with their toilet time and snack time and helps to talk to them too.

5. Teacher Student Ratio
This honestly is a luxury. Ideally, 10-12 kids per teacher maximum. But this we will know more by observing the space than by asking, because everyone claims to have a very beneficial ratio. One of the big schools kept telling us every class has a teacher and  a help. On close observation, realised that each class has 35-40 kids.  It was a big premises and close to 120 kids at any point of time with just 4-5 help and about 7-8 teachers.

6. Day care
Some of us may be also looking at the Day care option. In such a case, hygiene of the place, the support staff post the school hours and the timings is an important criteria. We were also open to the idea of day care in some time and so kept this in mind.

7. Audio visual component
Why is audio visual component a point here,  you ask? Well,  most of the schools had TV which they claimed they used for edu-infotainment sessions. This meant they showed things that were educational,  informational and entertaining. Honestly,  we didn't see why a school needs that.  We are outliers in the fact that we don't have a TV at home for years and Ira has only recently been introduced to the concept of YouTube and Rhymes or stories online. Unfortunately, two of the places we visited had chota bheem and some other cartoon running loudly and kids sitting very close to the TV. On probing a bit,  a help told us that they put TV during day care time. Exposure to electronic gadgets and TV is a personal choice that parents make and this while was a criteria for us,  may not be a big deal for many.

8. Food /Snack provisions
Some highend playschool provide a curated meal to the children.  While doing your search,  also see if this is a criteria for you.  We were not particular about this facility. But what we were on the lookout was what type of food or snacks is allowed by the school.  Most schools these days do not allow junk of any kind and prefer home cooked meals. This is surely a good thing we see.

9. How they see your Child?
This while an important criteria,  may be difficult to gauge in a single visit. It is interesting to see that behavior ranges from over friendliness to hard selling. Some places make the effort to let the child be, while guiding them to the play area or an interaction space during the first meet. Also,  some schools make us fill a basic form while others ask a lot of questions about the child,  their preferences,  social interactions etc. While a detailed form may seem a tedious thing to fill,  I surely appreciate the effort taken by the school.

10. Let your Child decide
This is the trickiest point in my opinion. How do we know? What could appeal to a toddler?  You will be surprised at how your child reacts to the environment. You will be taken aback at the first things they go and touch at the school -  could be a pebble in the garden,  a colour set or some wooden blocks. Look for their comfort level, how they are able to move around in that space and how they fit in. How they interact with the adults and the other children. A bit of this is what you see,  and a bit would be your intuition about the place. So,  take a step back with your check list,  your excel sheet with highlighted boxes (yes,  I did that too) and just observe.

**Fees is an important criteria but I am keeping it outside this list. Today,  schools depending on the facilities they provide charge fees that does seem exorbitant. So,  the thing to do is while we are deciding on the school,  also see if we can afford the fees and are comfortable with it. Have clarity on what you are paying and what are your expectations from the school.  Understand why schools with special methodologies or alternate schools charge higher than traditional schools. Do your homework so that you feel that you are getting the value for the money you are spending.

Goodluck to all parents and the little adults who are about to make an entry into a whole new world. 

Monday, November 21, 2016

10 Mantras of Effective Networking

Some lessons on Networking learnt as a PhD student and a professional.  Happy to share them on #ClubSciWri. The article was originally published on 13th November, 2016 at http://www.sciwri.club/archives/1689.


Networking is a skill. A skill that some of us may inherently have and some of us have to work hard to develop. I have always been an extrovert. I love people, I can strike conversations, I am comfortable with new people and new settings. However, as a research student I learnt that networking is not all about being an extrovert. Networking is something you have to learn and work very hard at.



My PhD professor would take us along when he attended networking meets or he was giving a talk at an institution. He would introduce us as his student and then leave us to it. While throwing us into the big-bad world of business networking, he inadvertently gave us the required push and set a good example. He encouraged us to get visiting cards made which came very handy even when we networked as students and during the course of primary data work. Being a research student in the management domain, we attend both academic conferences and the business summits and networking is equally important at both. Over the years as an academician, an entrepreneur and a consultant, I have realised that networking skilfully can make impressions and build careers.

I love observing people and for me the gender differences in networking often strike at events. Studies have shown how men are more aggressive at networking and women are shy in a mixed gender group. Also, very few women proactively attend networking meets. Interestingly, in an all women networking event, the conversations steer very differently.

The observations shared henceforth are solely mine and based on my experiences.


1. Networking types There is usually a ‘type’. Some people network aggressively and some assertively. This is often a result of personality types. I have seem assertive networkers do fine, begin on the right note and close conversations well. Personally, aggressive networking is a put-off. I have seen people nudge to get into a group conversation or even interrupt the flow of conversations between two other people. Completely unacceptable.


2. The essence of building a conversation.
It is essential to move from the hello, to an introduction and come to the point of why you want to connect. However, due to the stress of networking, some people have a verbal diarrhoea and some choke. Essential to tell about self, but even more important to listen what the other person does and is interested in.


3. Closing the conversation

Often in large networking groups, you will notice flippant networkers. They move or hop from one person to other. What is important is to ensure that you close the previous conversation well. With some people, you may want to take the dialogue offline and with some, you may see no further benefits. Either case, a polite ‘nice to meet you’ goes a long way, along with closing the conversation track.


4. Following up on the connect established
Send an email to the people thanking for their time and stating a bit of your interest in being connected. Some may fizzle out and some connections may become strong bonds. While this is courteous, it also makes the networking more fruitful.


5. Networking etiquette Some things have to be followed, irrespective of time, space and your eagerness to impress. Do not hog the limelight; listen, appreciate and respond. Be proactive in stating interest in what the other person does. Do not make judgemental statements on community, language or religion. Do not get argumentative. A networking meet is not a place to prove yourself and your thinking as the only right thing. At a networking meet recently, I was asked where am from and a flippant statement about women researchers followed. I understand that people have strong opinions, but that may not have been the best time. I steered clear of that person the rest of the day.


6. Gender differences I personally always find it interesting how women network differently. What I have seen is women invariably ask about spouse or children or place we are from. These often become starting points of discussion. I have rarely seen men talk about family.  But yes, men do ask women about their families. This is just an observation.  I at times like the no nonsense thing of just talking work and work interests. But that is me. I also am allergic when women dumb themselves down to fit in social networking situations.


7. Networking in silos
Even at networking events, people end up networking in silos. This beats the entire purpose of networking.  So, leave that comfort zone and venture out.


8. The appropriate and the inappropriate

We have to be very cognisant of the fact that we do not make statements that are politically incorrect.  Jokes or comments on religion, community, and gender are not ice breakers. Also, there is a fine line between being witty, sarcastic, humorous and being obnoxious.


9. Glass of wine, plate of snacks and intermittent conversations

Nurse that glass of wine, one sip at a time.  Networking events are not for drinking binges.  Try not to be caught with a stuffed mouth, full of chicken tikka or greasy hands from the paneer starter.  This can surely be a put off. 


10. 3 Ps Preparation, Perseverance, Pragmatism. Always prepare.  If you know who you have a chance of meeting at the networking meet, read up about them and their work.  Be persevering.  You may not be able to connect with them in the first few minutes that they join the event.  Take your time.  Be Pragmatic. Networking can't be done at the pace of speed dating. So, be focused, yet relaxed. There is no ideal networking style or moment or outcome.



Networking is a skill that we all are learning along the way.  So keep that smile ready and let the rest follow. Happy networking!

An Ode to the Gen Z

 To my Students- Past, Present and Future                                              These two frames adorn a wall in my home, a constant ...