Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Participative parenting and 'Our' Story



SHEROES a few days back had asked us readers to share a post on ‪#‎mumswithoutbabysitters‬. Here is 'Our' story, looking at ‪#‎parentswithoutbabysitters‬ and ‪#‎participativeparenting‬ ‪#‎Iraisms




* Ira at Cubbon Park when she was about 15 months

We are parents to an active, inquisitive and chatty 26 month old and we have never had a babysitter. A choice that we made which ensured a huge learning curve for both of us as new parents and our new born. My husband and I chose alternate modes of work so that we could take turns to be with her. So, when one parent has a meeting, the other takes over. This way we have got a lot of time with her and it has been immensely overwhelming, being there to witness all her milestones. There are times when she has gone to meetings with Papa and there have been times when she has attended an event Mamma is speaking at. But these long strides began with some initial baby steps. It began with me going on my maternity break and my husband quitting his job to take a baby break, in the true sense. Participative parenting has worked for us, helping us balance our new roles and our careers. It has been a choice that we as parents have made and we wouldn't do it any other way.  #participativeparenting #mumswithoutbabysitters #parentswithoutbabysitters


* Ira at Nandi Hills

The SHEROES Link: https://sheroes.in/articles/mumswithoutbabysitters-madhurima-das-shares-her-story/MjEzMw==#.V7r7HDojKLE.facebook




Saturday, August 20, 2016

The 10 things I learnt at the #SHEROESSummit, Bangalore today




There are some ‘moments’ that become ingrained in your mind and manifest in repetitive actions. I was introduced to SHEROES about four years back by my dear friend Neeta. I attended the first ever summit in Bangalore in 2013, September. I have attended it every year since and it has only grown bigger, better and more fascinating. A summit that brings together women from all walks of life, women starting their careers; women looking at alternate careers, women looking to returning to work; women on sabbaticals and women who have successfully made the career transitions.



Today, 20th August, 2016, the 4th SHEROES Summit at The Lalit Ashok, Bangalore witnessed a packed hall, lot of opinions shared, discussed, encouraged; a back rub, a belly dance, a therapeutic dance session and a story-telling session. Capturing the day in 10 learnings is no mean feat and am being brave to even attempt it!



1.       Self-awareness and assessing your opportunities is the key to successful career planning.

2.       Learn to redefine failures. When things do not go your way, just find another way.

3.       Treat your career like a marathon and not a sprint. Stay on track; take those career breaks but resume your career.

4.       We are the only ones who can care for ourselves. Let us find our mojo.

5.       Everyone everywhere has a story to tell. Speak up and also listen.

6.       Start the conversations, you never know where it will take you. Opportunities exist, seek them mindfully.

7.       Keep learning. Be aware. Do not completely disconnect from the work space. Even when not working, learn where the technology is moving.

8.       Every challenge is an opportunity. Learn the conversion mantra.

9.       The three big Cs defining ‘Future Work’- Collaborative mind-set, Co-working spaces, Company Culture.

10.   Be a SHERO. Help another SHERO to learn, to grow and to share. In the same spirit, tell your friends about SHEROESSummit and encourage them to attend.



** This starred learning is like that extra ‘sookha fuchka’ we get (Think Incentive)! “If you have a belly, you can belly dance!” – said by the fabulous and inimitable emcee for the day, Shreya Krishnan.



Congratulations to Sairee Chahal and team SHEROES for ensuring that the day was an inspirational, liberating and fun-filled experience for us. Looking forward to #SHEROESSummit 2017.


Tuesday, August 16, 2016

'Freedom' deciphered, the Ira-way


Dear Ira,

You went to school today, dressed in white to celebrate Independence Day. A day that celebrates the freedom that we have and nurture.


# Celebrating Freedom

Freedom is very precious, the freedom to make choices and the freedom to be free. All the things that you do, your imagined plays, your activity time, your creative conversations...all of it reflect elements of freedom. The meaning of the word is simple, while the hues it takes may differ as you grow up. Every year, your Papa and I will see you expressing your freedom in a whole new way.

Buying toys and clothes is always a fascinating experience. We love the way you run to the 'ball' segment, each time we visit a leading sports item store; we love the way you choose the school bag you want or the tee shirt that you shall wear, irrespective of which segment it is categorised into. We just a few days back got you your first kitchen set and what ensued was a three course meal. Understanding that food and kitchen are for all and to take pride in that rice, dal and grated carrot sabji you are making with elan. You love your Ben-the plane and Thomas-the engine and so do we.


#Freedom from Gender Norms

Your recent creative pursuits keep us on our toes and we try and find new ways that we think will make activity time interesting for you. Am thrilled that you have taken to the blocks that were bought at a fair and you are happily 'painting' away. Flowers and Butterflies have added both the sunshine and colour to your activity time. Ofcourse, you want to now paint the flowers all over!


#Creative Freedom

Every morning when you wake up and say, Good morning and ensure Bonnie (a Lion, soft toy) also does the same, you are filled with a zeal to take on the day. Ofcourse, as parents we want to see all this and more in you. When we look back years later, you will realise that, that moment when you wore that mask we made and posed like you had super powers just made the super powers a reality. The super power to be uninhibited, the super power to be amazingly animated and dramatic and enjoy every moment of it; the super power to not worry about expectations but do what you love, the super power to be yourself.


#Freedom to have and showoff that super power
#Freedom to be self

So, my baby, keep that sense of freedom, respect it, embrace it and thrive in it.


Love you,
Your Mamma


Tuesday, August 9, 2016

The other side of 'Me'




Being a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother are all fascinating things. As much as being a son, a brother, a husband and a father is. However, for a woman, being a 'wife of someone' is accorded more importance than being 'who they are', by their own merit.

While growing up, I was often addressed as 'Junior Das'. My brother was not yet born and I looked and almost always behaved like my Baba. It made me grin with pride. But one thing Baba once said remains etched in my mind. He said be known by what you achieve in life and one day, they will say, am Madhurima's baba. It was of course a proud and fierce father speaking. But I have been fortunate to have parents who have taught me to be proud of what I have achieved. Fast forward few years and my little brother turns out to be a young man who always goads me to achieve the best, do my best. He always talks about how there is so much I can do. Fast forward a few more years and my significant other is the 'spouse' who attended both my colloquium and my thesis defence and 'our' labor room moment. Why am I saying all this? Because the men in our lives and their support makes us. However, we need to find our moment in our achievement. And the world needs to appreciate that.

Example 1: I have been in a room of researchers where the men are addressed by Dr.X but at times women by Mrs.Y; and this happens on emails all the time. Example 2: When am at a conference or a meeting, I often get asked, "who is taking care of Ira?". My spouse is on a wfh mode and a participative father, thanks to whom I can attend day long events. But, ever heard a man being asked, who is managing home in his absence. Of course not.

To be defined by what our fathers are or our husbands are; to be the Miss. or the Mrs. is all fine. But when that takes precedence over the individual that we are, is a dangerous one. A precedence defined by culture, tradition, societal expectations. Happens in academia, industry, all over.

The article below cites such examples of sheer irresponsibility. Time we all take notice. Thanks Harini Nagendra for sharing this article on your timeline.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Friendship is the superpower!




Friendship is the superpower!
Makes the bleakest days bright and converts tears to smiles.
Silly stories,Terrible tantrums, Bugging bonds.
Aunt Rose,The boy crush , Gossip fares;
Meaningful silences, Silly giggles;
Loud burps, Musical farts.
Pain, hurt, anger, disappointments.
Drunken moments, sleepless sleepovers and garam chai.
Stretch marks, fat thighs, love handles.
Heartbreak moments, Love simplified;
Cribs, rants, nonsense talks;
Advice, guidance, reality bytes.
Strength, Resilience, Perseverance.
Memories, Dreams, Hopes.
All of these are for keeps!
Happy Friendship Day 2016.


Rima, you are deeply loved

                                                  Rima at Infinitea, Bengaluru Dearest Rima, I wish I wasn’t writing this letter to you. B...