Happy Father's Day Baba and Ira Ke Papa

The world celebrates Father's Day today. A moment for us to get together for lunch, click some pics for posterity and be grateful for this time together.

Today, I shall let the pics do the talking.

1. Ira made a card for Papa and gave it to him in the morning. Wished him every few minutes. Her current fascination is also to write the age of the person who is getting the card.

2. Mamma and Ira made a welcome board for the Father's Day party. Dadu, Dida and Joy were coming. We were all set.

3. The best cook in the world, as Ira proclaims made lunch today. Chicken biryani and Chicken fry on the menu.

4. We made sure we got this pic with Dadu and Dida. See this to learn the varying degrees of smiles :)

5. Bhai is the less expressive one amongst us and needs to be coaxed for a pic. Guess the gene runs in the Das men. So, for me this is a very precious pic.

6. My pillar of strength. My Baba.

7. 2 Dads. 2 Daughters. (Stealing this caption from HIM). The world needs more Dads like these two <3 nbsp="" p="">

8. Mango Icecream from Amul makes this a happy happy day for our little girl, who loves parties, making cards, random days and icecream.

#HappyFathersDay #Baba #IraKePapa #Ira #Iraisms #IraAtSix #StoriesAtSix #Happiness #Gratitude

The Happy Jar, the Ira way

When Ira turned 6 a few weeks back, we began a small activity with her. We made "Ira's Happy Jar". While during the lockdown, we often spoke to Ira about being grateful for what we have and being happy about the way we are at home doing things together, a conversation with a dear friend gave us the nudge to do this activity.

Ira loves anything that involves scissors, paper,  and a lot of mess & newness! We told her that this is not a one time activity with Mamma or Papa but something that she has to consistently try and do over the next one year.

And then began the task of getting the Happy Jar in place.

Ingredients (We urge you to use what is available at home):
1.An enthusiastic 6 year old (the easiest component in the activity)
2. A mason jar or any glass jar (we used something that we had at home)
3. A ribbon or a string (we used a string from a woolen cap that was gifted to Ira when she was a baby)
4. Colour sheets (Mamma had some colour sheets with her)
5. Envelope to keep the chits (the envelope was courtesy Kalpan Dida)
6. Pen (Used pen as the writing in pencil may get smudged)

We told her that she has to end of a day think of one thing that made her happy that day and write about it. Ideally, an experience. There may be days when she doesn't want to write anything and that is also fine.

Goal: Read all these chits on her 7th Birthday. ( Mamma is already thinking that if she sustains this for the year, to make it an annual activity!)

While we began this thinking that end of the year, she will realise all the fun and happy things she has done, we also realise this is like a journal jar, a memory bank of experiences, a Pandora's box for the little mind.

For now, she has been writing the chits. A few days, there are 2 things on the chit. They range from eating a lollypop, playing scrabble, meeting friends, doing a craft, watching a movie with Mamma Papa, attending her Montessori online discussion. The simplicity of the 'happy moment' and the sense of accomplishment is what makes it endearing.

We realise we will need a much bigger jar for the year if she continues to write the chits almost everyday (I need to figure out where to get a large jar). For now, she looks at it daily, writes her precious chit, drops it into the jar and mixes the chits.

#Ira #Iraisms #Happiness #Gratitude #TheHappyJar #Parenting #Activity #IraAtSix #StoriesAtSix #LittleHumanBeing #ConversationsWithIra

You Matter

Mental health is complex and the triggers are multi- layered. We can never undermine individual experiences or simplify it as a binary causation of success and failure. As a student of Clinical Psychology, one of the first things I realised is that no amount of reading articles and books could prepare us to understand mental health issues in all its complexities. Being trained as a lay man counsellor and later as a Suicide helpline professional at Medico Pastoral Association, the experiences only strengthened my belief that mental health needs attention, awareness and constant monitoring. The stigma associated with it is a huge deterrent for seeking help and often we never know.

We as individuals can aim to be understanding, compassionate and empathetic; but just the process of awareness, recognition and acceptance is a long battle. There is no easy way to recognise depression in self or a friend. I have seen very close friends battle depression, seek help and struggle with it. Some of them highly functioning individuals. If you didn’t know them well enough, you would never know.

While we mourn the demise of a young talented actor today, who died from suicide (The news reports suggest that the actor was suffering from depression.); it is disheartening to see the speculations and the judgements being passed on young people and their inability to handle pressure, why can’t people just talk, success and failure is part of life etc etc. While messages can be well-meaning, we may also unknowingly give out a message that can be triggering and difficult for the ones who are dealing with depression and other mental health issues currently.

A few things that all of us need to remember, especially in these trying times.

1. Clinical Depression shows up differently in different people. Symptoms can be physical and emotional by nature. There is a hormonal and also, a hereditary component involved. Some of the people with depression could also be high functioning individuals. You look at them and you feel everything is perfect with their lives. (https://www.healthline.com/health/what-you-should-know-high-functioning-depression) (https://www.psycom.net/high-functioning-depression/)

2. Clinical Depression is not a passing phase. People just can’t snap out of it. The ones affected by it are dealing with it every way they can. The bad days can be extremely hard and exhausting. Different individuals choose different modes of treatment and may reach out for help differently. There is no single solution that fits everyone.

3. We must always be empathetic on how we talk and report suicide. The conversations have to be sound and compassionate. (https://www.irmi.com/articles/expert-commentary/language-matters-committed-suicide)

4. The current pandemic has hade a huge impact on everyone and their mental health, especially people with anxiety and depression. The unemployment and impacts of career, along with the increasing feeling of loneliness has affected people across age groups. (https://www.forbes.com/sites/terinaallen/2020/05/14/depression-is-on-the-rise-with-high-unemployment-and-career-instability/#ee4fcb7d9f40) (https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnkoetsier/2020/05/23/25-million-students-on-covid-19-depression-anxiety-and-loneliness-hitting-peak-levels/#a5ea0d577b80)

5. If at any point of time, we feel someone is going through something difficult or is dealing with a personal struggle, we should try and reach out. The onus is on each of us to help another. Make that call, write that message, visit that friend or family member. Never dismiss someone because they have been quiet and you assume, they need space; or someone because they are constantly chattering away and assume nothing can deter them. Just reach out, even if you have an iota of a feeling that someone needs you. Let them know this one thing- "You Matter".

Every human struggle is real. Life is transient. Let us be kind. Always.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthconversations #highfunctioningdepression #clinicaldepression #anxiety #empatheticlanguage #talkingaboutsuicide #FiveLearnings #personalstruggles #ReachOut #BeKind #YouMatter #kindness #compassion #empathy

** This article was initially written and posted on Linkedin on 14th June 2020.

The Pebble Jar of Resilience

Pebble Jar of Resilience

We are all working towards understanding this new normal, we are stretching ourselves, our resources, our boundaries- both physical and mental. As a trainer and facilitator, I talk about understanding mental health and being kind to self, especially in these times. While the lockdown is slowly being eased, it will also give rise to new challenges. New ways of interactions, new workplace norms, new ways to take care of self.
Let us look at 'Five Learnings' in a single jar. While we are talking about finding ways to cope, being grateful, accepting challenges and embracing the new normal, I suggest we build a 'Pebble Jar of Resilience'.

A. What the pebbles mean?
1. Every pebble in the jar will be a reminder of a challenge or obstacle you overcame that day.
2. As the pebbles grow, you will realise that things have been hard and crazy, but you have found a way.
3. The pebbles will remind you that focus on what you can control and let go what you can't.
4. The pebbles will be a testimony of your persevence and resilience.
5. The pebbles will be a memory of the adage, 'this too shall pass' and 'tomorrow is a new day'. You will realise that acceptance is the key to unlock the resilience. You will savor these little notes.

B. How do you make this 'Pebble Jar of Resilience'?
1. This is not a compulsory 'to do' for everyday. You could choose to do it few times a week or as and when an experience lends itself to this thought.
2. This is for you to note down an experience on a day when you overcame a challenge or an obstacle or used your skill to solve a problem or issue on hand.
3. Write it on a piece of paper with the date, crumple it to resemble a pebble and put it in the jar.
4. On a day when all seems lost, open a pebble and read it and congratulate yourself for the feat.
5. Kindness starts with self and every crease on that pebble tells your story. So, own it, write about it and pebble it.

C. Some things that I wrote on my pebbles:
1. I managed to finish a section of the online course today despite the terrible headache.
2. Wasn't in a mood to cook. Made a one pot meal of khichdi with all our fave veggies.
3. Prepared for my upcoming webinar and added a new element to make it more interactive.
4. Felt exhausted in the morning, did some reading and took time off to just reflect on my to dos for the week.
5. Did nothing that can be called a chore. Focused on self and sleep.

Go on, make that 'Pebble Jar of Resilience' and let the pebbles make some noise.

#FiveLearnings #ExistentialConversations #PebbleJarOfResilience #BeKindToSelf #SelfLove #SelfPreservation #LockdownConversations #NewNormal #buildingresilience #mindfulness #gratitude #selfreflection

We are in this together- Ira begins Elementary Montessori

Ira had to attend her first online introductory class today for Elementary Montessori. Yes, we have chosen to continue in the Montessori system for a few more years.

Every year, the day one of school is a special day and she absolutely loves going back to school after her 2.5 month summer break. We do our hugs and kisses and also a pic by the school before she walks into her new year of montessori. That is another Pramadh tradition.

This year, the school began sending us some activites every week for the last 6 weeks. The activities were customised to the child. It was a combination of Reading, some writing, Math, some experiential activities and spanned the three languages they learn- English, Hindi and Kannada. Mamma promptly made a Google doc and shared with Papa, to monitor the weekly activities and also wrote in a book for Ira's reference. We had already been doing some English, Hindi , Math or Kannada writing almost everyday. These school activities added an extra punch to that activity hour planned by Mamma, as it was assigned by school. Some days, Ira was full motivated and some days, Mamma and Papa had to keep telling her that's her activity for the day. The activities assigned were divided between us and we managed to keep to the calendar more or less. As cases rose, we knew that it would be some time before school begins and we also prepared Ira for the fact that she will be home for a few more weeks and have us do the school activities with her. We realised that we have to plan our work accordingly. Papa is slowly getting back to work and Mamma is beginning her online training sessions, slowly and steadily. We now not only have to calendar and plan the days but even minutely plan the hours of the day.

The introductory session email came and Ira was super excited that she would see her classmates and meet her aunties (the teachers). Today was a session where the teacher asked them how they were doing, whether they have been doing the activities that was sent by school the last few weeks. Ira with a little nudge showed what she wrote and what she drew. The teacher told the students how they are missing them and waiting for them to get back to school, but that will take some time. She reassured them that during the next few weeks, they will continue to send some activities which they will have to do with the help of their parents and we can reach out to her if we need any help. She will also do a one to one with each student every week to understand how they are finding the activities. It was a 30 minute session and just that did wonders. Ira was happy to see her teacher and classmates and understood that this will happen once every few days.

I attended the session with Ira today and I have to admit that the manner in which the children were reassured and gently reminded that they have to do the little activities assigned to them.

 This is all new, the 'new normal'. Ira asked her teacher what she was doing and she told her that she is at school preparing activities for the kids. I am a teacher and I teach Post Grad and Research students. I have to tell you that being a teacher is hard work and this year, it just got harder. They are customising activities for kids, putting in longer hours, getting accustomed to new modalities of teaching and have the humongous responsibility of doing it all well. These little kids look up to them and listen to everything they say. Can we adults even comprehend that pressure.

We as parents can sit on the other side and wonder are our children learning enough, is this year going to help them academically and even have doubts on the fees and the effectiveness of the methods. This is a time for us to let go and remember that every year when we are at work, our children are with them for the day. This year, the hours may be lesser and the medium may have changed. Everyone is adjusting to this and doing their best. Educating a child is team work. Team work between their teachers and us parents. We are not on the opposite sides, we are on one side goading the child, encouraging the child and making sure the little human being is garnering skills, interacting and learning to deal with the world.

As we get set for this roller coaster of a year, a big shout out to all the teachers and all the amazingness they bring into the lives of our little human beings.

We are in this together.

#Ira #Iraisms #IraAtSix #StoriesAtSix #ElementaryMontessori #Education #Happiness #Gratitude #Parenting #Teaching #OnlineLearning #ElementaryMontessoryDayOne