Our Mornings, our semblance of normalcy
Today is
Saturday, the 13th of March. As I write this blog, I know this is
the space for me to archive what we are feeling, experiencing, thinking and
going through. I will write this in pieces over the next few days as things progress.
The writing may seem erratic and it has been written in different emotional
spaces, culminating today, the 31st of March, 2021.
Some
Existential Thoughts
The year
2020 was a reality check for us and the lockdown taught us in many ways what we
must treasure in our lives- our families and loved ones; our health and our
time. Every small thing done would seem like an accomplishment that we shared
with our closest friends. We were all in that ship of uncertainty, the dept of
our woes and the wind in our sails may have differed (I can be imaginative
too).
I am here
sharing what the Pramadhs went through in dealing with the C-virus.
Day 0 of
Symptoms to Day 1 of Being Diagnosed
6th
of March, Prashant began feeling a bit off and had mild body pain. The week had
been crazy with him dealing with a painful ankle and getting tests for the same
and also long days at site. We thought it was all the heat. Sunday, he woke up
with a fever and the temperature got pretty high. Monday, he went to a hospital
closer home and was told this seems like a viral and given some paracetamol. If
not better, then get back. The fever didn’t get any better and then we did a
steam of blood tests and also tested for malaria and typhoid. The tests for
malaria and typhoid were negative and the blood tests showed infection and was
put on antibiotics. At that point, he was also tested for Covid-19. Yes, the
C-virus that all of us currently dread.
While P was
calm through it all despite having an extremely rough week, my stress was
showing in lack of sleep and exhaustion. Thursday morning, we got to know that
he is Covid Positive. The moment he had got fever, we had taken precautions at
home, he was masked and we practiced social distancing. He was confined to a
space.
Thursday
morning, we headed to a hospital where we have received treatments before and then
did all the covid protocol at their flu clinic. They did the CT scan for him
and also some blood tests. It took a few
hours. Ira and I also took the covid test at that point of time. The nasal swab
test is absolutely awful and can be terrifying for a child. Being told by her
Papa to be brave, Ira held my hand and sat but ended up crying when they
rotated the swab in the nose. Seeing her at that moment all I could think of
was, “this bloody virus!”. I also took the test and then we sat waiting for
reports for Prashant. It was a long wait. We were prepared with books, pencil
to draw, music to listen to and games to play. I also bribed Ira with a
lollypop that we had carried when she cried during the test. I had actually
filled the admission form and kept things ready. However, once the reports
came, we were told he can home quarantine as long as complete isolation is
possible.
We said
sure, picked the meds prescribed for him and headed home. In a few hours ,
Ira’s and my reports came. Ira was negative thankfully and I was tested
positive. I was completely asymptomatic. Our immediate step was to talk to
Ira’s Pediatrician and decide the course of action. She was to be immediately
isolated. We had visited my parents the
previous Saturday and so they needed to get tested asap. Mesho and Mashi took
over the responsibility to keep Ira with them and Mesho came to pick her up.
Our little girl who just that morning was asking us questions on what would
happen if we were positive and negative in different permutations, got busy to
pack her own bag. Our little human being was being so responsible at that
moment that I couldn’t help choking. She packed her clothes and toiletries, her
toys, book, colours and small little things that she may need. As she stood at
the door and told us not to worry and that she would find her way to the gate
to meet Mesho Dadu; her Papa told her how this was not going to be easy, not
for her, not for us and not for the grandparents too. She listened, made little
promises and then said her bag was heavy and walked towards the stairs.
We then headed
back to the hospital where they did the x-ray and all the blood work for me and
prescribed some specific medicines. As we awaited my x-ray and blood test results,
P and I shared a dark chocolate from our favorite brand. It was post 10.30pm
when we got home, bracing ourselves for the home quarantine and uncertain days
ahead.
Bhai and
Parents reports were thankfully negative. If relief could be written in BIG
BOLD CAPITALS, this is how it would look- RELIEF.
Some
quick tips while you are at the hospital:
·
Be
calm and do not panic, doctors are doing their best
·
Understand
where in the symptom spectrum you are, mention all symptoms to the doctor
·
If
you are asymptomatic like I was, mention that clearly
·
Trust
the hospital or doctor you are seeing. One big learning for us was that whether
you talk to your family physician or a hospital or a flu clinic in the ER, the
protocols of how they deal with covid cases differ a bit. Do not ask around too
much and do not compare. It only makes you progress towards the panic button.
·
If
symptoms are manageable at home, go for home quarantine. Some of the advantages
are- it is your comfort space, sleep when you want, cook for yourselves,
possible to follow all instructions given by doctor and can help monitor the
vitals. With me being asymptomatic and given our test results, we were
suggested home quarantine.
The Day we got to know we were Covid Positive
Day 1 to
Day 7 of HQ
The next
five days were hard for Prashant. Fluctuating temperature and extreme
exhaustion. He has a huge tolerance for pain and discomfort and is quite
resilient too. But this virus had knocked the wind out of him, literally. He
found it difficult to get off the bed and even do his basic chores. We monitored
vitals every 4-6 hours- temperature and oxygen saturation level. We made simple
food at home. We were already stocked up on veggies, fruits and groceries. Took
it a bit easy on other chores too.
While I was
asymptomatic, the meds made me feel that I needed to sleep a lot and I also
felt tired. While I continued my MCC classes online as it was semester end, the
other work commitments were pushed to later dates. Some days, I felt absolutely
normal for a while and then would be tired. But no symptoms at all.
Day 6 was
our follow-up with chest X-rays and another round of blood tests. I was doing
alright. Prashant had mild infection. We were instructed to finish the
prescribed meds and if he continues to be stable, a teleconsultation after the
next 5 days.
Day 8
Today is
Day 8 as am writing this and in 13 days for the first time, Prashant’s fever
seems under control. He has developed a cough since Sunday which exacerbates
when he speaks. So, I am talking and asking him to just nod or shake his head
in response. It is exactly a week since we tested positive.
Day 10
Today
Prashant asked Ira what is the first thing that she will do once she gets home.
She said, “I will hug you both!”. Enough to get mamma all teary eyed. Our girl
has been a star and more on that soon.
Day 12
We had a
teleconsultation with an Internal Medicine doctor. He checked how we are doing
and then told us that we finish quarantine on Day 17. We need to do the blood
work once for just our own understanding that the infection is reducing. He was
honest and frank as he said that whatever treatment they are giving is
primarily a response to the symptoms the patient is showing and what the
medical fraternity has understood about the virus over the last year. In my
head, I also realise that we have the benefit of all the research and studies
today as we see the treatment protocol.
Day 15
to 17
Day 15, we
did the blood tests suggested, and on Day 16, we did a teleconsultation with
the same doctor. We were asked how we are doing. By now, the shortness of
breath that Prashant was experiencing had reduced. The doctor said that the
exhaustion will be there for a couple of weeks. Told us that we complete quarantine
on Day 17 and to just be aware and monitor our health carefully next few weeks.
Day 17, we got the entire home and car sanitized and disinfected by professionals
and then an entire round of washing and cleaning happened. Day 17 came to a
close and we couldn’t wait for the next day.
Day 18,
when the Pramadhs were ‘reunited’!
Sounds
filmy, but this was the first time ever that we had stayed apart for so long. Baba
and Joy dropped Ira home in the morning. Our girl comes home, nose goes up and
says, “That smells naice.” Yes, a foodie there. We made vegetable uppittu for
breakfast, Lunch was rice, methi dal, bhindi fry and mutton curry. Ira wanted
to watch a movie together that evening and we saw a movie about a warrior princess.
She also helped Papa make egg fried rice for dinner. The best Sunday in a long
long time. Ira also sent a box of donuts to her Dadu-Dida and Mesho-Dadu and
Mashi-Dida, sharing her joy through these sweet rings.
Four days
now since she is home and I randomly want to just hug her and tell her how much
we missed her and how much we love her. She shirks her little shoulders and
says, I know that, how many times will you tell me. In my mind, I say, “3000^infinity”.
This post
will be incomplete, if we do not express our gratitude to all the people who
helped us through this difficult time.
Day 18- Happiness
Our
Gratitude List
1. We are grateful for what the medical
fraternity is doing and how they are dealing with Covid. Honestly, it is one
thing to read and see the reports and another to see them work in the Flu
clinic. We saw patients who were in panic mode, someone who was screaming at
the security person who was merely doing his duty and not allowing extra people
in. I was stressed till we got the reports and then there was calm. Because
then you just know you have to deal with it. We met some very empathetic
doctors and there was a nurse who while taking my Oxy sat level told me how
they now know to manage covid and I shouldn’t get tensed. That little human
conversation goes a long way. We trusted the system at the hospital we went to
and followed all protocol and range of tests and scans.
2. We are grateful to have family
nearby. It is the biggest source of strength and support. Ira and I had visited
my parents the weekend prior and so they had to get tested immediately.
Meanwhile, my Mesho, Ira’s Mesho dadu came home to pick her up within an hour
of us knowing that she had tested negative and her pediatric asked us to
isolate her immediately. Ira stayed with Mashi and Mesho for 7 days and the
next 10 days with my parents. Nothing we do or say can measure up to what this
support meant. Ira was pampered, fed her favorite dishes with Macher jhol and
Chicken curry being on the menu, along with her favorite veggies and fruits. The
occasional lollypops, gulab jamuns, kaju barfi, cake and cookies too! They
ensured she did her gargling and her steaming. This part of our life was taken
care of by her Dadu, Dida, Mesho Dadu and Mashi Dida. She also had her fun time
with Rony and fun and learning with Joy. Joy took over the baton of teaching
her a bit of Math, English and they also had philosophical discussions, one of
which was on emotions and how we express it. A wheel of emotion is incomplete
to express what this means. This is pure blessing. A shout out to our siblings,
who had their own ways to check in on us regularly. Life is a blessing , when
you have little brothers you know!
3. We are grateful to our extended
family and our friends who reached out through messages and calls. For quite
some time, we also did not take calls as it was exhausting. But the fact that
we had family and friends, messaging and checking in on us frequently surely
helped. Some of our friends even Dunzo-ed home cooked food across town to us and
that saved the day on some particularly crazy days. Food made with love and
care. What more can we ask for. We also had friends who reached out to us,
friends who had dealt with covid in the last few months. Talking to them was of
immense help in moments of doubt and restlessness. Thank you A and N. Glad your families have completely
recovered; and thank you for those chats and messages.
4. I am grateful for my bunch of girls
who made me laugh, gave me the moral support I needed and were there to just
listen to how I was feeling. A dear friend even shared a crazy pic and it was
just what I needed at that very moment. To wake up to messages where they are
checking in on you, who read your silences and understand what works for you,
without much ever being said. My lifeline, in many many ways.
5. We are grateful to our work partners
and colleagues, whose support helped us tide through this time. Prashant sat on
his laptop and did some work once the fever abated. I continued my MCC classes
online. I did have to take short breaks in between the classes, but the
students were very understanding. There was a point in the initial days when
thanks to the medication, I ended up yawning while teaching or just couldn’t
recall some common terminologies. The exhaustion and the mental fog is real and
it is scary. I took a break from the corporate trainings for about 14 days; and
cannot thank A&A enough for that space and time, the moral support and the
check-ins. Also, one of the most
intriguing courses that am teaching with NIAS currently was rescheduled. I
thank the team for the foresight and managing the circumstance so seamlessly.
6. We are grateful that we have a house
help who is not only diligent but extremely caring. ‘N’ called in frequently to
check in on us, ask us if we needed anything. Thankfully, she was fine.
Something that we were worried about. But I have to mention that she follows
mask wearing strictly and we would also wear mask when she was at our place to
work.
7. We are grateful to our apartment
community for the support and for just being there. We have had some cases
earlier in the apartment and the residents have always handled things with
empathy and no panic. Things were the same this time around. A note of
gratitude to our manager and the security personnel.
8. We are grateful for all the online
services that exist, services that we used since the lockdown but that being
even greater help these few weeks with the door step delivery facility.
9. We are grateful to be a couple who
have always shared home chores and who love cooking. That made this quarantine
a tab bit easier to manage. It was some days before Prashant had the strength
to make a meal but then for us both, the cooking was a destressing element. We
love food and we love cooking and that truly helped.
10. We are grateful for the way our
little human being dealt with the entire situation. We will take some credit as
parents, but our girl, our piece of ‘heart and mind’ just made us feel
immensely proud.
\
The Star
of this Journey- Our Little Human Being
Ira showed
immense grit and resilience in these trying times. The moment Prashant began
showing symptoms, she was asked to stay away from him. He is her partner-in-crime
and seeing him deal with the fever and just looking at him and wanting to share
things with him, she stayed at a distance and chatted with him. When we both
had to get the test done at the hospital, Papa told her how it is uncomfortable
and will hurt a little. The nasal swab test is a terrible experience for us
adults. She held my hand and at the last moment when they rotated the swab, let
out a cry. Some cajoling, helping her to calm down and then a lollypop that I had
carried came to the rescue. Yes, we did what we could at that point. Ira has
always been a child who asks questions and imagines possibilities. While we
were heading to the hospital after Prashant’s reports, she was discussing permutations and combinations of
how will we deal with things if all of us, or just Mamma Papa, or just Papa &
Ira or just Papa is positive for Covid. She knew that one of it meant she would
have to stay away from us. The moment we got our reports and Ira realized that
I was also positive and she was negative, for a while, her face shrunk and she
said she was sad because she had to then stay away. We immediately told her
that she needs to pack and saw her getting into action and doing her entire
packing by herself and getting ready to stay away from us for an indefinite period
of time (at that moment that evening, we had no idea). As she stood at the door
with her bags packed, Prashant told her how this would not be easy for any of
us. How her grand-parents were going to be taking care of her for this long
duration for the first time ever and how she would have to cooperate with them
and make it easy for them. She would miss us and we would miss her. But we
would talk to her every day and she should know that together we would get
through this. Am the more talkative one, but that evening papa did all the pep
talk while I just stood there amazed at these two, feeling extreme fear about
the uncertainty of what lay ahead. While her Papa was confident that she would
be fine, I couldn’t help but think how hard this must be for her. She did a bit
of activities, had a lot of fun, made the most of her stay at her Mashi
Dida-Mesho dadu and Dida-Dadu’s place. She also declared her territorial rights
in both the homes. We did video calls at least twice a day and there were
times, when she said she was busy and would talk later. This was a good sign,
for sure. As we neared two weeks, she began counting the days when she would be
home. She also negotiated what we will do the next few days. Right now, she is
reading the newspaper with her Papa and doing a discussion. This semblance of
normalcy is what we are immensely thankful for.
The Reality Check
One thing that I have to share here is that we were one of
those paranoid families. We wore masks, maintained social distancing, washed
and sanitised our hands multiple times a day, followed all common sense
protocols. We even have been gargling everyday, religiously. We hardly met friends
or even family. We began going out for early morning treks (read 4am) when
cases were low. We did two holidays after cross checking that both places
followed all norms and it was safe at that point of time. The moments cases
began increasing, we began even more careful. We have never taken safety for
granted, ever. So, honestly, it was shocking that we contracted Covid.
I asked Prashant how
did he feel when he got to know that he was Covid positive and had that
constant fever and extreme exhaustion. He said that it was shocking as he did
not expect it at all. He always thought that he was safe and careful. While we
were working within certain conditions- always maintained social distancing,
wore masks and sanitised hands. Sometimes, when we couldn’t do that- for eg. While
drinking coffee or eating breakfast at a place in between work.
He said that he was worried, mostly for Ira and me, given
the fact that am asthmatic. “ A fluctuating fever is the most unpleasant thing
to go through, it is very difficult. Difficult to process this in the head at
that moment. Takes a toll on you. You feel good for 30 minutes and then as the
fever peaks, it feels terrible. Not good to see your body break down in the way
it did. The viral fever kicking in, you cannot function any more. Makes you
incapable of doing simple stuff. Completely squeezed out of every bit of
energy. All you want to do is lie down, your body is not supporting you in
anything else that your mind may want to do”. Prashant is very resilient and
also has a huge pain tolerance, but then these few days tested every limit.
For me, it was hard to see him that unwell. I experienced
undue fears and the mind would spiral to think what if we both turned worse. I
had no control on those thoughts for a few days. It was a terrible space to be
in. I was asymptomatic and my exhaustion was primarily due to the medicines and
having to manage large quantum of the home chores at that point. At one point.
I also felt a strange anger towards all the people around who were not being
careful, followed zero norms, were partying, visiting places of worship and
putting the rest of us in danger. A dear friend said it is these Covidiots putting
everyone at risk. Yes, my mind couldn’t help
but think in that single line where I was being extremely judgemental about the
actions of many others. The
psychological impact is way more worse, the isolation, the fear that could well
be irrational and unfounded, but it is there; the not knowing how this virus
will behave, because no two people show similar symptoms.
Also, we were asked how did we contract it. Honestly, we have
no idea. We did try to narrow down2-3 places that Prashant visited, one for
breakfast/coffee and another for an MRI. But, honestly, there is no way to
know.
We were also worried for the people we were in connect with
just the days prior. Thankfully, everyone was fine, except one friend who also
tested positive. Thankfully, she had very mild symptoms and recovered at home.
There is a strange sense of fear and guilt, wondering if someone is at risk
because of you. And all this, despite the amount of precautions that we have
been taking.
For now, we are doing fine. We are thankful at having
recovered and slowly inching back to our lives, our work. We are wearing double
masks, continue to follow all norms and protocols. Because, we are responsible
for each other, and will always be.
Some closing thoughts, some gyaan, some learnings:
·
Please wear your masks, please maintain social
distancing.
·
DO NOT take this virus for granted, this is not
just like any other flu.
·
Please respect your life and that of others.
Thank you for reading this far. The Pramadhs send
love and lot of virtual hugs. If at any point of time any of you reading this
want to reach out and talk; or are dealing with Covid and just need someone who
will listen to you rant and vent, am there. Offering unconditional support and
an empathetic safe space. Let us fight this together, be the warrior that life
needs us to be.
#Ira #Iraisms #IraAtSix #StoriesAtSix #LittleHumanBeings
#Parenting #Family #Pramadhs #Covid19 #Gratitude #Friends #Sibling #HomeQuarantine #Learnings
