The Birthday Gratitude List :)

I love November. Why? Because am born in November and no harm in being narcissist once in a while. I am doing something new today. It shall be a Gratitude List. For the uninitiated, like me a few months ago,  what does it mean. It is a list of things or people or event you appreciate and are thankful for that have happened to you.
So,  as I ring in my birthday, I share 10 things am grateful and immensely thankful for. This is like that masterchart with multiple layers and hues.

1. The place I was born at. As a child, Batanagar for me was synonymous with summer holidays,  relatives and cousins.  But with time,  I associate it to a bond that I feel when I go there. I feel happy.  The visits are rare. Some relationships have stayed strong and some don't exist, and then some new. But Batanagar will always have some fond memories - the fruit cake my dadubhai bought me during our walks,  the mallik bajaar,  the chop near Bata theatre, falling off the cycle with my fulda, watching movies with my mashis, dipping my feet in the home ponds and the fish.

2. The parents I was born to.  We don't often get around to telling them how much we love them. But love them, we do. The banters,  the arguments, the disagreements as we grow are due to multitude of things.  But what matters is while we may crib,  parents will always be parents. They will be selfish about you and your wellbeing. We don't see it sometimes but there are times when it makes sense. My parents are my mentors,  my friends and the devil's advocates. What I am today is thanks to my ma's nagging,  which is I guess is a mom's birthright and my baba,  being my biggest supporter and my critique at the same time. They taught me to dream and supported my dreams all through.

3. 1.35pm, 6th May 1988 is a moment I will always be grateful for. Joy came into my life (selfish and possessive didi).  Over the years,  my little brother has always had my back and given me sound advice when I needed it the most.  He is my 3am friend and we both are equally senti and hopeless. I can fight and argue with him and know that he understands and always will.  Am proud of the young man he has grown up to be, though I don't say it often.

4. The man I met,  married and am living my life with. We are opposites in many ways and very similar in few ways.  We met while volunteering for an NGO.  Prashant has taught me to be resilient,  adventurous (still not as mad as him) and accepting. He has taught me how sarcasm works, though I still don't get it.  He has been a friend and a participative partner every moment, been my critique and confidante. Today,  my heart swells with pride as I see him being a fabulous parent. The last few years, we have taken unconventional decisions and have had the courage to live it together. It is this courage and madness that I will always be grateful for. And ofcourse, the fact that he is a fabulous cook.

5. Friendships happen to us (this needs a whole new blog, I swear). I have friends whom I know for almost 30 years now and some friends, I made in the recent months. My life would be incomplete without them.  There is the family friends, school, college and insti friends, the ditchers, the chai partners,  the movie friends,  the bus stand besties,  the karmic sisters, the chrysalis friends, the random discussion friends, the foodie friends, the mommie friends and also the friends, who are family (You all know who you are). Each of them are wonderful and accomplished men and women. I am proud to have them in my life and despite geographical distances with many, time has only brought us closer.  Discussing the most bizarre thoughts and aspirations,  talking about our fears and hopes,  sharing our joys,  crying over our pains... Life is colourful and tolerable in the difficult times, thanks to friends.

6. a. Grateful to all my teachers.  They have taught me some of the most valuable lessons and most of all to be a kind and loving person.  Academic accomplishments are just one chapter in your life.  Without humility, hardwork and perseverance,  education doesn't have much meaning. I will always be grateful for the institutions I studied in and I strongly believe,  we must all as alumni, give back to our educational institutions in whatever capacity we can.
6.b Grateful to all the doctors and other people in my life, who have made my life comfortable. Grateful to the household helps I have had who have helped maintain my sanity.  Grateful to the support systems around. Life would not be the same.

7. Grateful for all the interests I pursued. Drawing and sketching,  writing poetry and prose , English and Hindi theatre were some of my strong interests growing up. In 10th, I actually wrote a poem dedicated to my classmates, with a line for each and recited it proudly.  Doing a project on radio,  participating in national fests, organising events at school, college and later at insti. At IISc,  I often told my friends,  that along with the PhD, I must get a degree in event management. I will always be grateful for the opportunities I got, and ofcourse emceeing all those events during the centenary year attended by the then president and prime minister. The work we did and the people I met at Voices,  the IISc Student Newsletter will always hold a special place in this list. My current interest that keeps me sane is blogging ofcourse:)

8. My career has been a motley mix of research based work,  teaching,  working with newspaper in education,  NGO, being a founding partner of a start up and now an independent consultant. I am grateful for each of these experiences because they have made me stronger, taught me skills and taught me to value myself and the worth I bring to the place of work.  We are too busy criticising ourselves or gloating in small victories. But while we build our careers,  we are also working to build our character. Often the most rewarding experiences are intangible. They have been some happy experiences and some hurtful moments , but am glad that every time, I have learnt, picked up the pieces and I have moved on to newer experiences.

9. The friendships,  relationship and bonds; the decisions,  the struggles and the choices that didn't work. Yes,  am grateful for my failures because they led to the successes. Am grateful for things that didn't work because they keep me grounded and treasure the things that worked. The fact is when we're make a choice or take a decision,  we do it because it seems the right thing for that time and place. So,  regret and retrospection while can help us learn, should never take up too much mindspace . Am also grateful for all my accidents and falls. They always remind me how precious life is and how we need to love and live it every moment. This suddenly sounds like a Dear Zindagi hangover.

10. The thread has to close with my most life changing moment. Being a parent to Ira Pramadh. I will always be grateful for this. Motherhood has been a rewarding roller coaster ride and I look forward to the years to come because I know that in that smile, those naughty eyes and inquisitive questions; our world will always rejoice.

So,  I guess Happy birthday to me!

Having fun, doing just nothing

19th November, 2016
Sports Day
Olympiad 2016 at Jackfruit House

As the school year progresses,  it presents new experiences to both parents and the toddlers. Ira was to attend her first sports day ever and needless to say, Papa and Mamma were equally excited.  The children were given a dress code and asked to bring pompoms. Colourful streamers, shiny papers and gift wraps came to the rescue and Ira was headed to sports day carrying her colourful homemade pompoms.

 The day began with us getting badges that designated us to a particular group and we got the green group.  The first  activity was pompom dance and Ira held on tightly to hers and just stood for a long long time. The wonderful thing was that parents also had to partake in the activities.  Mandatory selfie,  videos being shot and constant clicking of the camera. The air filled with the shrieks of parents encouraging their little ones to play the games.

We played treasure hunt where Ira had to search for shells and she stood after finding one.  We then had to make straw towers, build and dismantle paper cup towers using the rubber band sling, played golf too.  One of the track events we had was one where the children had to crawl through hoops which the parents moved. Ira just stood and didn't run through hoops. So,  P moved the hoops,  picked her,  put her in the hoop and moved it again. And our world filled with her cackle.

That moment represented the sports day, where it was about having fun, having a good time and doing it your way. After every sport, the enthusiastic hifis, the cheers was just contagious. Every child was given a cup which they posted with proudly and pretended to drink milk,  juice etc from it.  It is her first cup,  it is precious just like that moment when she stood in the garden and cackled loudly.

It was a Saturday morning well spent and we drove back home with beautiful memories, the pompoms almost intact and the precious cup that she held on to. We adults at times forget how simple things can make us happy, jumping in a sand pit,  playing with straws, throwing water and having fun doing just nothing. Time to find those simple moments for ourselves and live them. 

10 Mantras of Effective Networking

Some lessons on Networking learnt as a PhD student and a professional.  Happy to share them on #ClubSciWri. The article was originally published on 13th November, 2016 at http://www.sciwri.club/archives/1689.

Networking is a skill. A skill that some of us may inherently have and some of us have to work hard to develop. I have always been an extrovert. I love people, I can strike conversations, I am comfortable with new people and new settings. However, as a research student I learnt that networking is not all about being an extrovert. Networking is something you have to learn and work very hard at.

My PhD professor would take us along when he attended networking meets or he was giving a talk at an institution. He would introduce us as his student and then leave us to it. While throwing us into the big-bad world of business networking, he inadvertently gave us the required push and set a good example. He encouraged us to get visiting cards made which came very handy even when we networked as students and during the course of primary data work. Being a research student in the management domain, we attend both academic conferences and the business summits and networking is equally important at both. Over the years as an academician, an entrepreneur and a consultant, I have realised that networking skilfully can make impressions and build careers.

I love observing people and for me the gender differences in networking often strike at events. Studies have shown how men are more aggressive at networking and women are shy in a mixed gender group. Also, very few women proactively attend networking meets. Interestingly, in an all women networking event, the conversations steer very differently.

The observations shared henceforth are solely mine and based on my experiences.

1. Networking types There is usually a ‘type’. Some people network aggressively and some assertively. This is often a result of personality types. I have seem assertive networkers do fine, begin on the right note and close conversations well. Personally, aggressive networking is a put-off. I have seen people nudge to get into a group conversation or even interrupt the flow of conversations between two other people. Completely unacceptable.

2. The essence of building a conversation.

It is essential to move from the hello, to an introduction and come to the point of why you want to connect. However, due to the stress of networking, some people have a verbal diarrhoea and some choke. Essential to tell about self, but even more important to listen what the other person does and is interested in.

3. Closing the conversation

Often in large networking groups, you will notice flippant networkers. They move or hop from one person to other. What is important is to ensure that you close the previous conversation well. With some people, you may want to take the dialogue offline and with some, you may see no further benefits. Either case, a polite ‘nice to meet you’ goes a long way, along with closing the conversation track.

4. Following up on the connect established

Send an email to the people thanking for their time and stating a bit of your interest in being connected. Some may fizzle out and some connections may become strong bonds. While this is courteous, it also makes the networking more fruitful.

5. Networking etiquette Some things have to be followed, irrespective of time, space and your eagerness to impress. Do not hog the limelight; listen, appreciate and respond. Be proactive in stating interest in what the other person does. Do not make judgemental statements on community, language or religion. Do not get argumentative. A networking meet is not a place to prove yourself and your thinking as the only right thing. At a networking meet recently, I was asked where am from and a flippant statement about women researchers followed. I understand that people have strong opinions, but that may not have been the best time. I steered clear of that person the rest of the day.

6. Gender differences I personally always find it interesting how women network differently. What I have seen is women invariably ask about spouse or children or place we are from. These often become starting points of discussion. I have rarely seen men talk about family.  But yes, men do ask women about their families. This is just an observation.  I at times like the no nonsense thing of just talking work and work interests. But that is me. I also am allergic when women dumb themselves down to fit in social networking situations.

7. Networking in silos
Even at networking events, people end up networking in silos. This beats the entire purpose of networking.  So, leave that comfort zone and venture out.

8. The appropriate and the inappropriate

We have to be very cognisant of the fact that we do not make statements that are politically incorrect.  Jokes or comments on religion, community, and gender are not ice breakers. Also, there is a fine line between being witty, sarcastic, humorous and being obnoxious.

9. Glass of wine, plate of snacks and intermittent conversations

Nurse that glass of wine, one sip at a time.  Networking events are not for drinking binges.  Try not to be caught with a stuffed mouth, full of chicken tikka or greasy hands from the paneer starter.  This can surely be a put off. 

10. 3 Ps Preparation, Perseverance, Pragmatism. Always prepare.  If you know who you have a chance of meeting at the networking meet, read up about them and their work.  Be persevering.  You may not be able to connect with them in the first few minutes that they join the event.  Take your time.  Be Pragmatic. Networking can't be done at the pace of speed dating. So, be focused, yet relaxed. There is no ideal networking style or moment or outcome.

Networking is a skill that we all are learning along the way.  So keep that smile ready and let the rest follow. Happy networking!

Happy Children's Day the Ira way

Every pebble is a story untold
Shared with enthusiasm multi-fold
She slips and falls
Stands and says, "No big deal"..
Climbs spaces,  crawls on the ground,
Strides like an adult,  uses words newfound.
Every moment in her world,
Is happy children's day unbound.

#microblogging #Ira #Iraisms