'Happy' Parenting- heart breaking & heart melting at the same time



Parenting is hard. It is probably the most difficult thing you have done and you are doing a decent job, trust me. There will be many such moments in the coming years like this morning. Moments when you lose your cool and you actually scream at your 31 month old. That split second when you raise your voice and have a stern face and the next moment when your little ones eyes swell up with tears and she weeps and says, "Please don't sceem Mamma". It is the most heart breaking moment. Like their first vaccination or the first time when she fell on her face, cut her lip and bled a lot; like that time when she had such high fever that she just clung to us all through the day and that time when she needed the superhero mask (nebulization) to take care of that nasty cough. It is that kind of heart breaking.

There will be many such moments because as your child grows, you are also learning with them. There will be moments of pure frustration, moments of anguish, moments when you just want to scream your head off. There are times when you feel that your toddler understands everything and then that time when they just don't get what you are saying. As parents, us being stern, strict and being vocal about it is all well meaning and we can hope that our child will see that.

While I wallowed in self guilt and my mind ran a maze of articles on parenting I had read- strict and liberal parenting, role of punishment and reinforcements, children and sense of entitlement; and of course it was all fuzzy. I was high on emotions and rationality was in slumber.

While as parents, patience is the biggest thing we have learnt, we also need to learn that we must not be so harsh on ourselves. We need to cut ourselves some slack. These little beings are more resilient and perceptive than we can imagine. They also forget these moments quicker than we do. Post her mamma's meltdown, she had her breakfast, got ready for school, enquired what her snacks and lunch is, sang rhymes and hugged me in the cab all the way to school. I told her am sorry that I screamed at her and she just nodded her head and hugged me. A heart melting moment.

While your little one is being a child, you are also being a parent and it is a new experience for both. Happy Parenting! Love them, cuddle them, kiss them, scold them, be stern, be a parent in every way.


Comments

Namrata Iyer said…
As I get into that phase of considering having a child, I often wonder about how I imbibed the values I have. There is no explicit "talk" where I learnt right from wrong, honesty or anything else....I guess I just sort of picked it up from what I saw. And that freaks me out a bit, coz then I don't know how to reliably pass that on. Despite best intentions, I doubt anyone can always be this model of patience and good judgement. Feels good to hear you being forgiving of yourself as a parent. In a way children learning that parents are also flawed is a valuable lesson in itself.
Madhurima said…
Dear Namrata, Thank you for writing in your thoughts. I agree with what you said, it is difficult to point out those learnings in life. most of our generation would have had strict parents and we are doing fine. I think we new age parents need to really chill at times and not get bogged down by the perfect parenting pieces we read.it is a lot of pressure. helps to accept that you shall goof up a few things and the child will still turn out fine:)

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