Happy Father's Day Baba and Ira Ke Papa

The world celebrates Father's Day today. A moment for us to get together for lunch, click some pics for posterity and be grateful for this time together.

Today, I shall let the pics do the talking.

1. Ira made a card for Papa and gave it to him in the morning. Wished him every few minutes. Her current fascination is also to write the age of the person who is getting the card.

2. Mamma and Ira made a welcome board for the Father's Day party. Dadu, Dida and Joy were coming. We were all set.

3. The best cook in the world, as Ira proclaims made lunch today. Chicken biryani and Chicken fry on the menu.

4. We made sure we got this pic with Dadu and Dida. See this to learn the varying degrees of smiles :)

5. Bhai is the less expressive one amongst us and needs to be coaxed for a pic. Guess the gene runs in the Das men. So, for me this is a very precious pic.

6. My pillar of strength. My Baba.

7. 2 Dads. 2 Daughters. (Stealing this caption from HIM). The world needs more Dads like these two <3 nbsp="" p="">

8. Mango Icecream from Amul makes this a happy happy day for our little girl, who loves parties, making cards, random days and icecream.

#HappyFathersDay #Baba #IraKePapa #Ira #Iraisms #IraAtSix #StoriesAtSix #Happiness #Gratitude

The Happy Jar, the Ira way

When Ira turned 6 a few weeks back, we began a small activity with her. We made "Ira's Happy Jar". While during the lockdown, we often spoke to Ira about being grateful for what we have and being happy about the way we are at home doing things together, a conversation with a dear friend gave us the nudge to do this activity.

Ira loves anything that involves scissors, paper,  and a lot of mess & newness! We told her that this is not a one time activity with Mamma or Papa but something that she has to consistently try and do over the next one year.

And then began the task of getting the Happy Jar in place.

Ingredients (We urge you to use what is available at home):
1.An enthusiastic 6 year old (the easiest component in the activity)
2. A mason jar or any glass jar (we used something that we had at home)
3. A ribbon or a string (we used a string from a woolen cap that was gifted to Ira when she was a baby)
4. Colour sheets (Mamma had some colour sheets with her)
5. Envelope to keep the chits (the envelope was courtesy Kalpan Dida)
6. Pen (Used pen as the writing in pencil may get smudged)

We told her that she has to end of a day think of one thing that made her happy that day and write about it. Ideally, an experience. There may be days when she doesn't want to write anything and that is also fine.

Goal: Read all these chits on her 7th Birthday. ( Mamma is already thinking that if she sustains this for the year, to make it an annual activity!)

While we began this thinking that end of the year, she will realise all the fun and happy things she has done, we also realise this is like a journal jar, a memory bank of experiences, a Pandora's box for the little mind.

For now, she has been writing the chits. A few days, there are 2 things on the chit. They range from eating a lollypop, playing scrabble, meeting friends, doing a craft, watching a movie with Mamma Papa, attending her Montessori online discussion. The simplicity of the 'happy moment' and the sense of accomplishment is what makes it endearing.

We realise we will need a much bigger jar for the year if she continues to write the chits almost everyday (I need to figure out where to get a large jar). For now, she looks at it daily, writes her precious chit, drops it into the jar and mixes the chits.

#Ira #Iraisms #Happiness #Gratitude #TheHappyJar #Parenting #Activity #IraAtSix #StoriesAtSix #LittleHumanBeing #ConversationsWithIra

You Matter

Mental health is complex and the triggers are multi- layered. We can never undermine individual experiences or simplify it as a binary causation of success and failure. As a student of Clinical Psychology, one of the first things I realised is that no amount of reading articles and books could prepare us to understand mental health issues in all its complexities. Being trained as a lay man counsellor and later as a Suicide helpline professional at Medico Pastoral Association, the experiences only strengthened my belief that mental health needs attention, awareness and constant monitoring. The stigma associated with it is a huge deterrent for seeking help and often we never know.

We as individuals can aim to be understanding, compassionate and empathetic; but just the process of awareness, recognition and acceptance is a long battle. There is no easy way to recognise depression in self or a friend. I have seen very close friends battle depression, seek help and struggle with it. Some of them highly functioning individuals. If you didn’t know them well enough, you would never know.

While we mourn the demise of a young talented actor today, who died from suicide (The news reports suggest that the actor was suffering from depression.); it is disheartening to see the speculations and the judgements being passed on young people and their inability to handle pressure, why can’t people just talk, success and failure is part of life etc etc. While messages can be well-meaning, we may also unknowingly give out a message that can be triggering and difficult for the ones who are dealing with depression and other mental health issues currently.

A few things that all of us need to remember, especially in these trying times.

1. Clinical Depression shows up differently in different people. Symptoms can be physical and emotional by nature. There is a hormonal and also, a hereditary component involved. Some of the people with depression could also be high functioning individuals. You look at them and you feel everything is perfect with their lives. (https://www.healthline.com/health/what-you-should-know-high-functioning-depression) (https://www.psycom.net/high-functioning-depression/)

2. Clinical Depression is not a passing phase. People just can’t snap out of it. The ones affected by it are dealing with it every way they can. The bad days can be extremely hard and exhausting. Different individuals choose different modes of treatment and may reach out for help differently. There is no single solution that fits everyone.

3. We must always be empathetic on how we talk and report suicide. The conversations have to be sound and compassionate. (https://www.irmi.com/articles/expert-commentary/language-matters-committed-suicide)

4. The current pandemic has hade a huge impact on everyone and their mental health, especially people with anxiety and depression. The unemployment and impacts of career, along with the increasing feeling of loneliness has affected people across age groups. (https://www.forbes.com/sites/terinaallen/2020/05/14/depression-is-on-the-rise-with-high-unemployment-and-career-instability/#ee4fcb7d9f40) (https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnkoetsier/2020/05/23/25-million-students-on-covid-19-depression-anxiety-and-loneliness-hitting-peak-levels/#a5ea0d577b80)

5. If at any point of time, we feel someone is going through something difficult or is dealing with a personal struggle, we should try and reach out. The onus is on each of us to help another. Make that call, write that message, visit that friend or family member. Never dismiss someone because they have been quiet and you assume, they need space; or someone because they are constantly chattering away and assume nothing can deter them. Just reach out, even if you have an iota of a feeling that someone needs you. Let them know this one thing- "You Matter".

Every human struggle is real. Life is transient. Let us be kind. Always.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthconversations #highfunctioningdepression #clinicaldepression #anxiety #empatheticlanguage #talkingaboutsuicide #FiveLearnings #personalstruggles #ReachOut #BeKind #YouMatter #kindness #compassion #empathy

** This article was initially written and posted on Linkedin on 14th June 2020.

The Pebble Jar of Resilience

Pebble Jar of Resilience

We are all working towards understanding this new normal, we are stretching ourselves, our resources, our boundaries- both physical and mental. As a trainer and facilitator, I talk about understanding mental health and being kind to self, especially in these times. While the lockdown is slowly being eased, it will also give rise to new challenges. New ways of interactions, new workplace norms, new ways to take care of self.
Let us look at 'Five Learnings' in a single jar. While we are talking about finding ways to cope, being grateful, accepting challenges and embracing the new normal, I suggest we build a 'Pebble Jar of Resilience'.

A. What the pebbles mean?
1. Every pebble in the jar will be a reminder of a challenge or obstacle you overcame that day.
2. As the pebbles grow, you will realise that things have been hard and crazy, but you have found a way.
3. The pebbles will remind you that focus on what you can control and let go what you can't.
4. The pebbles will be a testimony of your persevence and resilience.
5. The pebbles will be a memory of the adage, 'this too shall pass' and 'tomorrow is a new day'. You will realise that acceptance is the key to unlock the resilience. You will savor these little notes.

B. How do you make this 'Pebble Jar of Resilience'?
1. This is not a compulsory 'to do' for everyday. You could choose to do it few times a week or as and when an experience lends itself to this thought.
2. This is for you to note down an experience on a day when you overcame a challenge or an obstacle or used your skill to solve a problem or issue on hand.
3. Write it on a piece of paper with the date, crumple it to resemble a pebble and put it in the jar.
4. On a day when all seems lost, open a pebble and read it and congratulate yourself for the feat.
5. Kindness starts with self and every crease on that pebble tells your story. So, own it, write about it and pebble it.

C. Some things that I wrote on my pebbles:
1. I managed to finish a section of the online course today despite the terrible headache.
2. Wasn't in a mood to cook. Made a one pot meal of khichdi with all our fave veggies.
3. Prepared for my upcoming webinar and added a new element to make it more interactive.
4. Felt exhausted in the morning, did some reading and took time off to just reflect on my to dos for the week.
5. Did nothing that can be called a chore. Focused on self and sleep.

Go on, make that 'Pebble Jar of Resilience' and let the pebbles make some noise.

#FiveLearnings #ExistentialConversations #PebbleJarOfResilience #BeKindToSelf #SelfLove #SelfPreservation #LockdownConversations #NewNormal #buildingresilience #mindfulness #gratitude #selfreflection

We are in this together- Ira begins Elementary Montessori

Ira had to attend her first online introductory class today for Elementary Montessori. Yes, we have chosen to continue in the Montessori system for a few more years.

Every year, the day one of school is a special day and she absolutely loves going back to school after her 2.5 month summer break. We do our hugs and kisses and also a pic by the school before she walks into her new year of montessori. That is another Pramadh tradition.

This year, the school began sending us some activites every week for the last 6 weeks. The activities were customised to the child. It was a combination of Reading, some writing, Math, some experiential activities and spanned the three languages they learn- English, Hindi and Kannada. Mamma promptly made a Google doc and shared with Papa, to monitor the weekly activities and also wrote in a book for Ira's reference. We had already been doing some English, Hindi , Math or Kannada writing almost everyday. These school activities added an extra punch to that activity hour planned by Mamma, as it was assigned by school. Some days, Ira was full motivated and some days, Mamma and Papa had to keep telling her that's her activity for the day. The activities assigned were divided between us and we managed to keep to the calendar more or less. As cases rose, we knew that it would be some time before school begins and we also prepared Ira for the fact that she will be home for a few more weeks and have us do the school activities with her. We realised that we have to plan our work accordingly. Papa is slowly getting back to work and Mamma is beginning her online training sessions, slowly and steadily. We now not only have to calendar and plan the days but even minutely plan the hours of the day.

The introductory session email came and Ira was super excited that she would see her classmates and meet her aunties (the teachers). Today was a session where the teacher asked them how they were doing, whether they have been doing the activities that was sent by school the last few weeks. Ira with a little nudge showed what she wrote and what she drew. The teacher told the students how they are missing them and waiting for them to get back to school, but that will take some time. She reassured them that during the next few weeks, they will continue to send some activities which they will have to do with the help of their parents and we can reach out to her if we need any help. She will also do a one to one with each student every week to understand how they are finding the activities. It was a 30 minute session and just that did wonders. Ira was happy to see her teacher and classmates and understood that this will happen once every few days.

I attended the session with Ira today and I have to admit that the manner in which the children were reassured and gently reminded that they have to do the little activities assigned to them.

 This is all new, the 'new normal'. Ira asked her teacher what she was doing and she told her that she is at school preparing activities for the kids. I am a teacher and I teach Post Grad and Research students. I have to tell you that being a teacher is hard work and this year, it just got harder. They are customising activities for kids, putting in longer hours, getting accustomed to new modalities of teaching and have the humongous responsibility of doing it all well. These little kids look up to them and listen to everything they say. Can we adults even comprehend that pressure.

We as parents can sit on the other side and wonder are our children learning enough, is this year going to help them academically and even have doubts on the fees and the effectiveness of the methods. This is a time for us to let go and remember that every year when we are at work, our children are with them for the day. This year, the hours may be lesser and the medium may have changed. Everyone is adjusting to this and doing their best. Educating a child is team work. Team work between their teachers and us parents. We are not on the opposite sides, we are on one side goading the child, encouraging the child and making sure the little human being is garnering skills, interacting and learning to deal with the world.

As we get set for this roller coaster of a year, a big shout out to all the teachers and all the amazingness they bring into the lives of our little human beings.

We are in this together.

#Ira #Iraisms #IraAtSix #StoriesAtSix #ElementaryMontessori #Education #Happiness #Gratitude #Parenting #Teaching #OnlineLearning #ElementaryMontessoryDayOne 

13 WAYS TO MAKE THIS A ‘RESILIENT LOCKDOWN JOURNEY'

This lockdown is all about us and yet, not about us. While we all are collectively in a lockdown, the struggles and fears, the resistance and persistence, the coping and the letting go is all a personal journey. I can feel for you, I can want to be empathetic but there is only so much I will understand about what you are feeling or going through. I want to walk in your shoes but then every ‘sole’ has its own journey.  We are all struggling.
Some of us are all about positivity and spreading sunshine while some of us are nonchalant about it. Some of us are making all the effort and mustering up all the courage - physical and mental to wake up each day while some of us are fighting it like warriors with imagined armours. Some of us are submitting to each day as it comes. All of these are ways of coping. All of these are fine.
There should not be any judgement. We need to tell this to ourselves and to everyone around us. We need to express this in conversation, in silence, in solidarity and in compassionate behavior.
I am a freelance consultant. I train at corporates and teach post graduate students from the two disciplines of Psychology and Public Policy at a city college in Bengaluru. I finished my semester of teaching at the college prior to the lockdown. However, all my training sessions that were planned for the summer saw a topsy-turvy turn of events. Clients were and are still unsure of how to go ahead. Learning and Development experience had to undergo a rehaul.
It has been a moment of learning and growth, and also moments of sheer frustration and exhaustion. Reading multiple articles and thoughts on how to manage this situation, this personal and professional crisis, maintain mental health and wellness becomes a top priority.
Here is a list of things that we could look at and follow.
There is no single way to do it. However, if we choose to focus on at least some of these actions in this lockdown, we may even develop a long-term habit that can benefit our physical and mental health.
• Change the narrative/ reframe what you tell yourself- I recently read Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, and at a particular point, he says, "an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behaviour." So, let us first de-classify what is normal and abnormal reaction. You waking up at 5 a.m. to catch the sun and your friend waking up at noon to get over the tiredness are both fine at this moment. Let us try and look at it like a situation that requires some self control and being mindful of our time and our days even more.

• Create a routine for home and self- Let us create a routine for ourselves and at home. For some of us, detailed time tables work and for some others, just chunking the time of day for several activities is what works. What is essential is to compartmentalise time in the best way we can. While we may love to multitask, cooking and attending to a work con-call may not be the best thing to do. On days that are heavy on calls, plan to make a simple meal. For the ones with children or for babies or elderly parents, remember to slot your care-taking time. It is time consuming and needs to be accounted for.

• Choose your exercise- Choose your elixir. Be it yoga, strength training, freehand exercises, Zumba etc. Some of us may have the luxury of having exercise equipment at home. This is the time to put them to use. Some basic form of exercise will help the body and keep the mind calm. My partner has a streak of adventure and also an elaborate exercise regime for himself. He takes on exercise challenges and is motivated to do them. Our little girl goes to Karate class which have now moved online. When she is not doing her karate, she likes to do online exercise sessions for kids or even some basic yoga. She is an outdoor child and getting this exercise time into her day schedule has helped all of us. I used to try and walk regularly. Now, I have taken on doing some fitness dance, thanks to a fitness brand app that I was introduced to by a friend.

• Stay connected to your friends, families, social network- I am a people person, a social being in every way. The biggest challenge for me has been staying at home all these weeks without meeting family and friends. I love my spouse and child but I am sure, even they are craving to meet other people. The electronic devices have come to the rescue. Plan calls with friends in regular intervals, share that joke, talk about that hard day, the book you read, the movie you saw, just about anything. Some people I know have planned play dates, lunch dates and even online games. A friend this weekend asked me how I have the enthusiasm to plan this with multiple groups and I said, this keeps me sane. That is as honest as it gets.

• Reach out to the ones who don’t speak- One thing to remember while keeping social connect is this. Just don’t chat with your chatty friends, regularly check on your friends who are the quieter ones and who need a push to talk. Everyone is dealing with their own issues, be empathetic and kind.

• Get that much needed sleep - Many of us may be struggling with sleep due to anxiety and worry. Try and work on setting a time to go to bed. Follow that always. Start with few days a week and then progress to the entire week. Some things that I do are switching off the phone for a while before bed, which could be about 45 to 90 minutes. It helps to slow down all that chatter in the mind and clear the clutter that accumulates. One thing I need to begin practicing is to not binge watch online series before sleep. I tend to do that these days.  So, it is a work in progress.

• Get space from the news - Limit the influx of information- This has been shared by many and it makes sense. Yes, the news is hard and depressing. The predictions are worrying as India enters the Lockdown 4.0 stage. In the initial weeks, there was a tendency to keep reading the latest research papers, news and constantly follow websites that reported the COVID-19 numbers. But it can be too much. I have deliberately moved away from this now. I am still reading, but more on coping or strategies or wellness activities or even random stuff.

• Help who you can- These are difficult times and each of us must help who we can. The help can be emotional, financial, sharing resources, sharing food etc. Closer home, help the ones who are your support system: house-help, nanny, cook, driver; anyone who you can. Our soon to be six-year-old daughter, Ira, over breakfast one day said she wanted to give her piggy bank savings to help people affected by the crisis. She had this thought after seeing a news story about another child in another state helping. A friend was arranging meals and groceries for wage labourers. We added to our daughter’s fund and gave it to the friend. She was so happy to donate and help. One of those days when we felt that reading the news with her is one of the best habits we developed the last one year. The point here is, each of us have the potential to do a lot and we must do that.

• Focus on self-care- The self-care I am referring to is not just grooming. It is about knowing how much we can do given this time and space. We must learn to let go, stop constantly pushing ourselves because ‘performance matters’. Stop comparing ourselves to others.

• Practice gratitude- Be grateful for what you have and for the day gone by. Be grateful for the small things, thank gestures from family and friends, thank yourself for getting through another tough day. Ira often thanks Prashant or me for making her favourite dish or doing a craft with her or playing a game with her. If as adults we learn to express gratitude this freely, the world can only become a better place.

• Engage in activities with partners and/or your children- May 15th is International Family Day. This is just a random trivia. But this lockdown has put us all together for an extended period of time. Honestly, for us, it didn’t make that much of a difference in terms of doing family activities. We always used to plan things to do together in summer vacation. This year, we have had to tweak things a bit to keep the little mind excited. So, we made a tent in the balcony (I am super grateful that we have a balcony). We cook together, play either Uno or Scrabble every day, watch movies and listen to music and even do our random dance. I know that many families are grateful for this time together, having meals together and watching movies together. So, let us treasure what we have.

• Seek help- We often have a tendency to want to do everything ourselves. This lockdown is a reality check on how much each of us can do and also how much we can’t do. This is not a moment to judge ourselves and feel crappy about it. Seek help if you find your mental health and physical exhaustion difficult to deal with. This again is self-preservation.

• Do things and learn or Do nothing- Everyone around seems to be talking about learning a new skill, making the most of this lockdown and reinventing themselves. What we need to remember is that this is not the only way to spend the lockdown. It is fine if you want to do nothing and just finishing home chores and work deadlines and getting though the day is enough. The world can never be a binary existence and so we all are somewhere on the continuum and we need to find the rhythm that works for us. So, don’t get worried about that perfect cake or bread or croissant someone baked, that perfect crochet top or that perfect painting someone posted, don’t get bogged down by the innumerable books someone read or the courses someone took. You are not that someone. If you choose to do nothing, it is perfectly alright. Because that ‘nothing’ has so much already encumbered in it.
Having said that, I find my solace in doing things and for me doing the online courses at this point has been a boon to the learner in me and my desire to upskill.

Most of the aspects I enumerated focus on understanding ourselves and figuring out what works for us. This is why I said in the start that this is a personal journey. What we need to remember is that each of us are drawing our personal journeys and in some sense, we are all in this together. So, connect with family and friends, reach out and help others and seek help when you need it. These are unchartered territories and there are many travellers on these paths.
These are small tips or hacks and things that have worked for me. Hope you find what works for you. Focus on self-preservation and self-care. You will matter only when you survive this. Do this for yourself, put yourself first. This lockdown and this virus may just be making us more resilient and determined in ways we never imagined.

#LockdownConversations #LockdownMoments #BuildingResilience #Mindfulness #SelfLove #SelfPreservation #BeKindToSelf #SelfCare #SeekHelp #ReachOut #Gratitude #ChangeTheNarrative #LearningDuringLockdown #UpSkill

Cloth masks- the New Normal

29th May 2020 marks a day when we all wore our Cloth masks and went for a morning walk together.

Ira and I accompanied Papa on the morning walk today. We girls went out for a walk after almost 10 weeks. These masks from Indian Yards are a life savior. I have been using other types of masks when I would go out for small chores, like bringing the milk or veggies and fruits from the truck that came to the apartment. But did not find them sustainable.
These cloth masks were very comfortable for the one hour walk today and have to test it out for longer duration. And that will eventually happen. Ira was most excited to see the colours and choose hers. Thank you Sunita Suhas.
You and your group of women are making lives more comfortable in these times.
Do check them out and order yours. Wearing masks are the new normal.


#LockdownMoments #ClothMasks #NewNormal

A Lockdown Birthday, The Ira way

Our little girl turned 6 today! A full hand and another finger :)

Ira loves making conversations, with us, her friends, her superheroes! The last 10 weeks have been hard for the little one with only Papa and me for company. She kept dropping hints and asking if we had planned any surprises for her birthday. Papa said that it is a lockdown birthday and nothing much is possible. While she was disappointed and expressed that immediately, a few minutes and she was back into her own world.

I do wish we adults were like that and our conversations and expressions were that simple. Papa and Mamma had over the last few days once lockdown got eased managed to arrange for some simple things for Ira- stationery and craft items, some snacks and chocolates. Also, our advanced planning behaviors ensured we had a few interesting things on the gift list. On 26th, the idea 'Let's do a treasure hunt!' took shape. Mamma wrote the clues, Papa wrapped the gifts and we did all this once she was in bed. Gifts and clues were placed in specific places at home and we were technically set!

27th Morning our 6 year old woke up to a chit and a handmade card by her bed. Mamma had tried her best to replicate all that Ira currently draws- human stick figures, rainbow, love symbol flowers and ice cream. Ira was surprised and thrilled that her parents had afterall planned something.
The day was spent discovering clues,solving them and discovering treasures.

She answered calls and video calls this year, cut a a vanilla cake with sprinkles that Papa and she baked in the cooker, a first for the Pramadh household; and also another chocolate cake sent by Malu ! Dadu, Dida, Joy, Meshodadu, Mashidida, Rony all joined the call and were virtually given the vanilla cake :) Ira also had two surprise visitors, Mesho dadu and Joy. Along with them some goodies that made her day.

Ira is a foodie and so planning the meals for today were exciting in their own way.  Alu paratha with ketchup for breakfast and Mango. Lunch was Macher jhol Bhaat primarily for her. And dinner was puliogere. It takes very little to make a child blissfully happy.

We did our own photo shoot with some smiling faces and some crazy faces too. Ira in the morning wrote a little thank you note and gave us and end of day, gave a thank you speech. All the planning, the suspense and the surprises had overwhelmed our little girl. The 10th gift which was a book was to arrive by Amazon but was delayed. Thankfully, we had some back-up books!

The birthday celebrations came to a close with a family movie time, watching Onward. Ira is also a movie buff like us and you can only imagine the smiles. She loves singing loudly and also penned a lyrics in her story writing notebook! Our hearts swelled with pride.

As our girl becomes 6, we also complete 6 years of parenting! It has been a roller coaster ride with thrills and joys outweighing the apprehensions. The adrenaline rush is as relatable on that first moment when we saw her and told ourselves, "We made THIS" to now when we see her and find that she is so much like either of us in different moments!

The #StoriesAtSix begin! Happy Birthday to our precious, with whom Our 'Earth Rejoiced' and always will.

#Ira #Iraisms #IraAtSix #HappyBirthday #IraTurnsSix #Cake #Family #Surprises #LockdownBirthday #LockdownCelebrations #Parenting #Gratitude #Happiness #EarthRejoiced 

Lockdown Celebrations, the Pramadh way

Celebrations in the time of lockdown have actually been special in their own way. While we all get accustomed to what is being called the 'new normal', the biggest thing for me is that we have all found a way to make things happen. The dishes have been tweaked, gifts have taken on a new form, entertainment has gotten transformed. Wiithin the confines of home, we have discovered a new world.

Papa celebrated his birthday on April 13th when it was lockdown 1.0. Ira made him a card and helped Mamma put together a birthday special breakfast for him. Ira's biggest worry was whether there would be the birthday cake! And ofcourse there was, thanks to Baker by the night. Papa cut his keto cake and got a fabulous Italian keto loaf, while Ira also got a chocolate cake with ganache. Papa cooked dinner which comprised a special chicken curry for his girls.

A month and more and it was the lockdown 4.0. Mamma and Papa celebrated their 12th Anniversary. Thanks to some relaxations, Papa was able to go out and get chocolate cup cake for Ira and Mamma. We all cooked together, played games, went for a walk on the terrace in the evening with our black tea and some pakodas made with potato, onion and spinach. Ira through the day kept showeing us with hugs and kisses and wished us. This ofcourse followed a few thoughts about how her birthday should be the coming week. Our little one has begun dropping happy hints :) We also did some craft work that evening and made her current fave, Unicorn. Papa managed to arrange a surprise gift for Mamma- a wireless headphone that will help her with all her webinars and Ira tested it and said, it was awesome!

The day went by and we were grateful to be together at home and make the most of it! So, Happy 12 to us and to many more! Many more years of love, adventure, madness and surprises.

#Happy12 #Us #Love #Celebrations #Ira #Iraisms #IraAtFive #TalesAtFive #Happiness #Gratitude#LockdownConversations #LockdownMoments

I will put myself first

Ira made this card for me and made Papa go and get a Chocolate for Mamma. She sure knows what makes Mamma happy.


Dearest Ira,

Been a while since I have written one of my letters to you.

I always seem to choose these designated days to do so. Not because I don't have anything to say the other days. But because these days, our timelines are filled with messages.

Messages that are both beautiful and worrisome. Messages that epitomise mothers and at the same time present a narrative of crazy expectations from her. Advertisements that exault her,ask you to take care of her, buy her those silks and diamonds, get her that medical check up. And also advertisements that show her managing home and work with that perfect dress, perfect makeup and perfect smile. She can tide over every trouble, she can cook that elaborate perfect meal and have a home that looks like those right out of movies.

I want to tell you that all of the above may be present, but only in bits and pieces. You are a little girl today and some day, you may choose to be a 'Mamma'. I said may choose because I do not want to make any presumptions about your life choices and neither do I want to burden you with my expectations, layered in a line of what is good for you. I am not working to leave a legacy or a burden of my expectations.

I am your Mamma and that is one of the best things that happened to me.
I have more imperfect moments than perfect ones.
I have smiles to shares and tears too,
I have cuddles to give and shivers to hold,
I have fears and apprehensions,
I have courage and moments of utter cowardice,
I really know what I want and also, there are times when am completely lost,
I love you to the moon and back, and sometimes, I want only me-time,
I am in tears when you do all your 'firsts'
And even now, your birth-month is an emotional time,
I will read to you all the stories in the world, but my reading time is mine alone,
I may not always sacrifice, but I shall empower you.
I will fight with you and I will fight for you,
I will share that fish head with you and yet sometimes eat the mango guthli all alone,
I will give you that last piece of cake and then sometimes, eat all the chocolate myself,
I love you, you are my world and yet
I will put myself first.

I will put myself first
Take care of my health, my peace of mind
Think of being myself, and then a partner and a Mamma
I will put myself first
I will do my best and let go when I can't
I will be human in every way
I will put myself first.

Because only then, can I be the best Mamma for you. Only when I take care of myself, can I take care of you. Only when I live my dreams, can I tell you what it feels to have dreams and fulfill them. Only when I fight my challenges, can I tell you what it means to be a warrior every day. Only when am kind to myself, can I be kind to the world around me.

I will put myself first, just the way you must always put yourself first.

Love and Hugs,
Mamma


#HappyMothersDay2020 #IraAndMamma #Ira #Iraisms #Parenting #SelfLove #SelfPreservation #LetterToIra #Happiness #Love #Gratitude

"My Wish. Heart can be any colour. Happy Birthday Joi!"

Ira sends him messages in words, emojis, gifs and voice messages every day. Sometimes, 100 messages at a go. She tells him that she loves him and asks him to call her when he is eating breakfast.
She narrates her day and expects him to do the same. She fights with him and will fight for him. She calls him 'Joi' ever since she could speak and ofcourse tells people that his good name is Dheeman Das. To ascertain his position in her life and claim that he is her 'Joi', she will say, 'My Maama'. Maama is maternal uncle in Bangla.
Today was his birthday. Everyone is celebrating and making the most of lockdown birthdays. Papa planned a surprise and we wore our masks, took all precautions and drove down to see her favorite person. We had also swiggyed the cake home so that we could take it with us. Papa prepped Ira telling that in case we are not allowed into the apartment, to be prepared to wish him Happy Birthday from a distance and give the cake, the hugs had to wait.

Thankfully, we managed to grab a few precious hours together. Ira and Joy played temple run, had lunch together and then they scooped into a Ferrero Rocher Jar cake. Ira also drew him a card which had them holding hands. Her floral hairband and his spiky hair was the highlight, along with a colourful flower and a yellow heart. When Joy asked her, "Why is the heart yellow?" ; Ira replied, "My wish. Heart can be any colour. Happy Birthday Joi!". It was a day when her wish was fulfilled. We stepped out of home after almost 55 days. 

So, Happy Birthday to my little brother (he will kill me for this) and to Ira's big source of happiness, 'Joi' (Joy as we call him).

Cherishing moments in these times and grateful that we got to be together today.

#Ira #Iraisms #TalesAtFive #IraAtFive #HappyBirthday #Happiness #Gratitude #LoveCake #LockdownConversations #StaySafe #StayHome #LockdownBirthdays