Tuesday, May 10, 2022

A Mother's Day letter from A Perfect Mother to her Daughter

                   The cheek to cheek pic <3 


Dearest Ira, 

Writing to you after a long time. Someday, I hope you read all these letters and blogs and see how you brightened our lives, every step of the way. We have ofcourse shared the challenges too. You will have memories of some and some would have faded into the convoluted paths of the brain, but then these pieces of writings will remain. 

This Sunday, 8th May 2022 was Mother's Day. I love these innumerable days, the over the top celebrations, the subtle acknowledgements, all of it that we see around us. 

For me, the day was quiet in my head. You made a beautiful card for me, with flowers of my favourite colour and  a pop up inside the card. Then, you and Papa said I should buy you ice cream. We also cooked a meal together. For us, food is and has always been an expression of love. You spent the evening at your Dadu bari, while we went for a play. 

The day with these small moments was remarkable for me. But there was a realisation of many things as the day passed. 

The last one year, there have been moments when I have found parenting hard. 

Moments when you wanted to do something with me, but I was just too tired to be a part of it. 

Moments when you seeked my attention, but I was too preoccupied with everything that was happening in our lives. 

Moments when I raised my voice on you for something so small, only to later realise that I was displacing my anger and it was not fair on you. 

Moments when I felt inadequate and felt may be am not doing enough for you. 

Being your Mamma is one of the best things that ever happened to me, but being The Perfect Mamma is hard, because in our heads, we create an image that is almost impossible to match. 

So, this year, I did things that will help me be The Perfect Mamma for you. And to be that, I had to put myself first. 

I acknowledged that there are moments when am tired and it is ok to not be able to do anything with you. Like I told you, "Mamma is tired. Can we do something else? "

Moments when I realised that I wasn't listening and then asked you again what you were saying, accepting that I was distracted. I know you felt bad but then the moment was such. 

I have been more emotional and more angry in these last two years than I have ever been and it was unfair to lose my cool on you. A little voice raised and you would be in tears and it broke my heart. I felt guilty for days. I now make the effort to not do this. Am not there yet, but am trying. 

I love our moments together. Reading, visiting family and friends, doing art and crafts together, your school works and those nature walks. However, there were times when I felt it wasn't enough. So, I had to take  a step back and think. Thankfully, your Papa balances the pragmatic side of parenting. 

In these two years, I realised how easy it is to succumb to what we think is expected of mammas. To put ourselves after our children. I learnt that only if I put myself first, can I be the perfect mamma for you. 

So, to my mental and physical health, to saying no, to finding peace in not being perfect. 

I love you and will always be there for you. But to be there for you, I have to be there for myself. And that will be The Perfect Mamma for you. 

So, Happy Mother's Day to me. 

Love you always, 

Your Mamma

#Ira #Iraisms #IraAtSeven #StoriesAtSeven #Love #Happiness #Gratitude #HappyMothersDay #Parenting #Us #BeingAMother #Pramadhs 

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