Put Yourself First, You Matter

 

                                                 Picture credit- Toa Heftiba, Unsplash

"In any case, I can’t have it all, I don’t want it all, and I can’t do it all either"

A close friend told me this recently when we were discussing work, home, kids and ourselves! 

When I told her that it is a strong statement and was there anything that triggered it, she said, nothing really. She is just fed up of reading the narrative- "you can have it all!"

The first thing that came to me was that this is such a misnomer. 

With the world and its pace, its uncertainties and its ambiguities, we women need to really define the 'all'. Define it for ourselves and customise it to our situations. 

We need to constantly remind ourselves that no two women are same, no two families are same and no two people's desires, dreams and expectations are same. 

So, how do we redefine that narrative. I can think of one simple thing. We all know it but we need to tell this to ourselves constantly- "Put Yourself First".

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Before your partner

Before your child

Before your family

And

Before the greater world

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Your health and your strength

Your space and your resilience

Your breakdowns and your stumbles

Your smiles and your tears

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Your coffee and your cake

Your sleep and your walk

Your Netflix and your book

Your chocolates and your ice-cream 

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Your aspirations and your ruminations

Your lists and your plans

Your choices and your songs

Your me-time and your nothingness

Put Yourself First

You matter

Own your can't s, your don't s, your won't s

Own your wants, your haves, your needs

Own your silence, your voice, your sanity

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Pick your 'all'

Put Yourself First

You Matter

#PutYourselfFirst #YouMatter #HappyWorldMentalHealthDay #MentalHealthConversations #Empathy #Self 

You Matter

Mental health is complex and the triggers are multi- layered. We can never undermine individual experiences or simplify it as a binary causation of success and failure. As a student of Clinical Psychology, one of the first things I realised is that no amount of reading articles and books could prepare us to understand mental health issues in all its complexities. Being trained as a lay man counsellor and later as a Suicide helpline professional at Medico Pastoral Association, the experiences only strengthened my belief that mental health needs attention, awareness and constant monitoring. The stigma associated with it is a huge deterrent for seeking help and often we never know.

We as individuals can aim to be understanding, compassionate and empathetic; but just the process of awareness, recognition and acceptance is a long battle. There is no easy way to recognise depression in self or a friend. I have seen very close friends battle depression, seek help and struggle with it. Some of them highly functioning individuals. If you didn’t know them well enough, you would never know.

While we mourn the demise of a young talented actor today, who died from suicide (The news reports suggest that the actor was suffering from depression.); it is disheartening to see the speculations and the judgements being passed on young people and their inability to handle pressure, why can’t people just talk, success and failure is part of life etc etc. While messages can be well-meaning, we may also unknowingly give out a message that can be triggering and difficult for the ones who are dealing with depression and other mental health issues currently.

A few things that all of us need to remember, especially in these trying times.

1. Clinical Depression shows up differently in different people. Symptoms can be physical and emotional by nature. There is a hormonal and also, a hereditary component involved. Some of the people with depression could also be high functioning individuals. You look at them and you feel everything is perfect with their lives. (https://www.healthline.com/health/what-you-should-know-high-functioning-depression) (https://www.psycom.net/high-functioning-depression/)

2. Clinical Depression is not a passing phase. People just can’t snap out of it. The ones affected by it are dealing with it every way they can. The bad days can be extremely hard and exhausting. Different individuals choose different modes of treatment and may reach out for help differently. There is no single solution that fits everyone.

3. We must always be empathetic on how we talk and report suicide. The conversations have to be sound and compassionate. (https://www.irmi.com/articles/expert-commentary/language-matters-committed-suicide)

4. The current pandemic has hade a huge impact on everyone and their mental health, especially people with anxiety and depression. The unemployment and impacts of career, along with the increasing feeling of loneliness has affected people across age groups. (https://www.forbes.com/sites/terinaallen/2020/05/14/depression-is-on-the-rise-with-high-unemployment-and-career-instability/#ee4fcb7d9f40) (https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnkoetsier/2020/05/23/25-million-students-on-covid-19-depression-anxiety-and-loneliness-hitting-peak-levels/#a5ea0d577b80)

5. If at any point of time, we feel someone is going through something difficult or is dealing with a personal struggle, we should try and reach out. The onus is on each of us to help another. Make that call, write that message, visit that friend or family member. Never dismiss someone because they have been quiet and you assume, they need space; or someone because they are constantly chattering away and assume nothing can deter them. Just reach out, even if you have an iota of a feeling that someone needs you. Let them know this one thing- "You Matter".

Every human struggle is real. Life is transient. Let us be kind. Always.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthconversations #highfunctioningdepression #clinicaldepression #anxiety #empatheticlanguage #talkingaboutsuicide #FiveLearnings #personalstruggles #ReachOut #BeKind #YouMatter #kindness #compassion #empathy

** This article was initially written and posted on Linkedin on 14th June 2020.