If you ‘No’se it, you know it

 

I often talk about self concept, self worth and self esteem in my sessions, nudging my participants to focus on self-love and acceptance. However, sometimes, that journey for self takes time, because we are most vulnerable often in the simplest situations. 

Sharing a piece of that vulnerability in the form of poetry!

If you ‘No’se it, you know it

An ode to my nose, my insecurities about its imperfections, a reminder of the judgement and taunts and yet the acceptance, the ‘I truly don’t care’ victory lap, 40 years too late, embracing it with a nose stud. And like Ira rhetorically says, “Can you breathe with your nose? Then it is a perfect nose!”

Hi there!

Ohh too blunt..

Just like a button

Did the gene just stunt

Can you smell the mutton?

Ohh too long

Just like a hook

The unmatched song

Dug deep in a book.

Ohh too fat

Just like a blob

Too much space taken

A weird door knob

Ohh Dear Nose

All those curious eyes

Judgements agnose

Say your good byes!

Hi Dear Nose

Look at you shining

Imperfectly perfect

Smiles you’re winning!

#Acceptance #EmbracingImperfections #LovePoetry #SelfLove

Normalising Talking about the Not so good days

 

We talk about the good days, the perfect days, the days filled with achievements.

Let us also normalise talking about days when we feel exhausted, take time to wrap our head around everything that seems too fast for us to comprehend, days when we want to just stay home and rest but adulting calls. These days may seem imperfect, non-productive, not the best at the first go.

But time to stop, take a step back and acknowledge that you took that first step, did not snooze the alarm, got ready for work while 'He' made breakfast and drove you to the metro station. You read on the metro travel and then chatted with the auto person who spoke about political rallies and traffic jams. Began taking classes and are slowly inching towards the long day ahead.

The day you embrace, knowing it feels like a struggle. The day you took care of self and of the world around you, one step at a time.

It is 7am and you still pose with your little girl, holding her close, because you are wearing the dokra art earring you picked at Dastkar and it makes your heart warm and gives a leap to your step. You smile, because 'He' is behind the camera.

#ExistentialThoughts #Adulting #Exhaustion #Acknowledgment #SelfLove #ReadingOnMetro 

Posted on Facebook on 16th January, 2023 at 10,50am.

The Eternal Quest- Emotional Balancing

 

 

We are at the last quarter of 2020. A virus changed our lives, like forever. We are all accepting, learning and moving forward. As we do so, some conversations need to be reiterated. I was invited to give a talk to the PG Science Students at Mount Carmel College last Friday. The topic was Emotional Balancing. We had about 350 participants.

What do you tell a group of young adults who are grappling with the isolation and lack of space, the uncertainty of what next, the self-doubts and the rigor of online classes and exams.

Emotional Balance is an eternal quest and there are 3 steps to understand it. How are we understanding and managing our emotions, how are we understanding and managing our stress and how are we working towards that balance.

Emotions and me

These are moments when many of us feel on the edge, and every small experience is like a rollercoaster ride of uncertainty and chaos. What is important is to acknowledge how are we exactly feeling at this moment and time. A bit of reflection and honest conversation goes a long way. It is important to understand that emotions are complex and come in multiple hues, as demonstrated by the Wheel of Emotions (Robert Plutchik). Is my joy an experience of serenity or ecstasy? Is my sadness an expression of grief or pensiveness? If my fear about my apprehensions and my anger about my deep-seated rage? We need to ask ourselves these questions.

The participants were asked how were they currently feeling and the survey asked them to choose amongst the 8 primary emotions (they could choose 3 emotions). Over 270 participants responded on the live poll and we see while many felt happy at that moment, they also experienced anger, sadness, fear and anger. This was just to drive home the point that at a single point we could also be feeling multiple emotions.

We have to try and own our emotions, understand that they are subjective by nature and while we experience emotions, our body also reacts to those emotions, at a physical level; and each of us behave differently, even though we may be experiencing the same emotion. So, someone who is happy could be smiling and dancing and another just enjoying the moment; someone who is dejected could be weeping and another could be quiet and not talking. This awareness of emotions at both individual and social level is important. We can express empathy when we understand emotions of the self and others.

Stress- what, why and how?

The feeling of anxiety and not being in control, feeling that this pandemic is never ending. Having self-doubt, feeling apprehensive about every little decision to be taken. When we are stressed, our window of tolerance reduces. We may choose to fight or run, we want to hide ourselves; and before we know it affects us emotionally and physically. The participants were asked what is stressing them out the most at present and over 225 participants responded to the live poll. The results show that  while the ambiguity and the stress of online classes took the coveted crown, the feeling of constantly being judged and criticised featured as a stressor, along with being cooped up at home and the inability to meet friends. This is a wake-up call for many of us who teach and live with young adults. They are in a fragile space and need our support the most at this point. We need to step up and be empathetic to them, help them meander this difficult path.

 

While acceptance of the stress experienced is key, it is also essential to seek help and also to reach out to friends and family.

Self and Balance

From acceptance of our emotions to our experience of stress, we then need to ‘Focus on self’, breakdown the situation, be kind to ourselves and be less critical of every thought and action we take. We can take the analogy of the Golden Circle by Simon Sinek to explain this quest for balance. Ask ourselves the 3 questions and find the answers.

·         What is it that you want? - Being able to handle emotions

·         How can you do it? - Focus on self, be kind to self, prioritise self

·         Why do you need to do it? - Emotional Balance. To feel confident. You can do this and even if you take time or can’t at the first go, it is fine.

And finally, reward yourself for every moment of perseverance, create your Pebble Jar of Resilience.

Kindness starts with self and self-affirmations. So, while we meet the world, let us first greet ourselves with gratitude and begin that journey on our quest to emotional balance.

#Learnings #BalancingEmotions #FocusonSelf #OnlineWebinar #SpeakerReflections #SelfLove #SelfCare #SelfPreservation #SelfResilience #SelfAffirmations #MountCarmelCollege #WheelOfEmotions #GoldenCircle #RobertPlutchik #SimonSinek

13 WAYS TO MAKE THIS A ‘RESILIENT LOCKDOWN JOURNEY'

This lockdown is all about us and yet, not about us. While we all are collectively in a lockdown, the struggles and fears, the resistance and persistence, the coping and the letting go is all a personal journey. I can feel for you, I can want to be empathetic but there is only so much I will understand about what you are feeling or going through. I want to walk in your shoes but then every ‘sole’ has its own journey.  We are all struggling.
Some of us are all about positivity and spreading sunshine while some of us are nonchalant about it. Some of us are making all the effort and mustering up all the courage - physical and mental to wake up each day while some of us are fighting it like warriors with imagined armours. Some of us are submitting to each day as it comes. All of these are ways of coping. All of these are fine.
There should not be any judgement. We need to tell this to ourselves and to everyone around us. We need to express this in conversation, in silence, in solidarity and in compassionate behavior.
I am a freelance consultant. I train at corporates and teach post graduate students from the two disciplines of Psychology and Public Policy at a city college in Bengaluru. I finished my semester of teaching at the college prior to the lockdown. However, all my training sessions that were planned for the summer saw a topsy-turvy turn of events. Clients were and are still unsure of how to go ahead. Learning and Development experience had to undergo a rehaul.
It has been a moment of learning and growth, and also moments of sheer frustration and exhaustion. Reading multiple articles and thoughts on how to manage this situation, this personal and professional crisis, maintain mental health and wellness becomes a top priority.
Here is a list of things that we could look at and follow.
There is no single way to do it. However, if we choose to focus on at least some of these actions in this lockdown, we may even develop a long-term habit that can benefit our physical and mental health.
• Change the narrative/ reframe what you tell yourself- I recently read Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, and at a particular point, he says, "an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behaviour." So, let us first de-classify what is normal and abnormal reaction. You waking up at 5 a.m. to catch the sun and your friend waking up at noon to get over the tiredness are both fine at this moment. Let us try and look at it like a situation that requires some self control and being mindful of our time and our days even more.

• Create a routine for home and self- Let us create a routine for ourselves and at home. For some of us, detailed time tables work and for some others, just chunking the time of day for several activities is what works. What is essential is to compartmentalise time in the best way we can. While we may love to multitask, cooking and attending to a work con-call may not be the best thing to do. On days that are heavy on calls, plan to make a simple meal. For the ones with children or for babies or elderly parents, remember to slot your care-taking time. It is time consuming and needs to be accounted for.

• Choose your exercise- Choose your elixir. Be it yoga, strength training, freehand exercises, Zumba etc. Some of us may have the luxury of having exercise equipment at home. This is the time to put them to use. Some basic form of exercise will help the body and keep the mind calm. My partner has a streak of adventure and also an elaborate exercise regime for himself. He takes on exercise challenges and is motivated to do them. Our little girl goes to Karate class which have now moved online. When she is not doing her karate, she likes to do online exercise sessions for kids or even some basic yoga. She is an outdoor child and getting this exercise time into her day schedule has helped all of us. I used to try and walk regularly. Now, I have taken on doing some fitness dance, thanks to a fitness brand app that I was introduced to by a friend.

• Stay connected to your friends, families, social network- I am a people person, a social being in every way. The biggest challenge for me has been staying at home all these weeks without meeting family and friends. I love my spouse and child but I am sure, even they are craving to meet other people. The electronic devices have come to the rescue. Plan calls with friends in regular intervals, share that joke, talk about that hard day, the book you read, the movie you saw, just about anything. Some people I know have planned play dates, lunch dates and even online games. A friend this weekend asked me how I have the enthusiasm to plan this with multiple groups and I said, this keeps me sane. That is as honest as it gets.

• Reach out to the ones who don’t speak- One thing to remember while keeping social connect is this. Just don’t chat with your chatty friends, regularly check on your friends who are the quieter ones and who need a push to talk. Everyone is dealing with their own issues, be empathetic and kind.

• Get that much needed sleep - Many of us may be struggling with sleep due to anxiety and worry. Try and work on setting a time to go to bed. Follow that always. Start with few days a week and then progress to the entire week. Some things that I do are switching off the phone for a while before bed, which could be about 45 to 90 minutes. It helps to slow down all that chatter in the mind and clear the clutter that accumulates. One thing I need to begin practicing is to not binge watch online series before sleep. I tend to do that these days.  So, it is a work in progress.

• Get space from the news - Limit the influx of information- This has been shared by many and it makes sense. Yes, the news is hard and depressing. The predictions are worrying as India enters the Lockdown 4.0 stage. In the initial weeks, there was a tendency to keep reading the latest research papers, news and constantly follow websites that reported the COVID-19 numbers. But it can be too much. I have deliberately moved away from this now. I am still reading, but more on coping or strategies or wellness activities or even random stuff.

• Help who you can- These are difficult times and each of us must help who we can. The help can be emotional, financial, sharing resources, sharing food etc. Closer home, help the ones who are your support system: house-help, nanny, cook, driver; anyone who you can. Our soon to be six-year-old daughter, Ira, over breakfast one day said she wanted to give her piggy bank savings to help people affected by the crisis. She had this thought after seeing a news story about another child in another state helping. A friend was arranging meals and groceries for wage labourers. We added to our daughter’s fund and gave it to the friend. She was so happy to donate and help. One of those days when we felt that reading the news with her is one of the best habits we developed the last one year. The point here is, each of us have the potential to do a lot and we must do that.

• Focus on self-care- The self-care I am referring to is not just grooming. It is about knowing how much we can do given this time and space. We must learn to let go, stop constantly pushing ourselves because ‘performance matters’. Stop comparing ourselves to others.

• Practice gratitude- Be grateful for what you have and for the day gone by. Be grateful for the small things, thank gestures from family and friends, thank yourself for getting through another tough day. Ira often thanks Prashant or me for making her favourite dish or doing a craft with her or playing a game with her. If as adults we learn to express gratitude this freely, the world can only become a better place.

• Engage in activities with partners and/or your children- May 15th is International Family Day. This is just a random trivia. But this lockdown has put us all together for an extended period of time. Honestly, for us, it didn’t make that much of a difference in terms of doing family activities. We always used to plan things to do together in summer vacation. This year, we have had to tweak things a bit to keep the little mind excited. So, we made a tent in the balcony (I am super grateful that we have a balcony). We cook together, play either Uno or Scrabble every day, watch movies and listen to music and even do our random dance. I know that many families are grateful for this time together, having meals together and watching movies together. So, let us treasure what we have.

• Seek help- We often have a tendency to want to do everything ourselves. This lockdown is a reality check on how much each of us can do and also how much we can’t do. This is not a moment to judge ourselves and feel crappy about it. Seek help if you find your mental health and physical exhaustion difficult to deal with. This again is self-preservation.

• Do things and learn or Do nothing- Everyone around seems to be talking about learning a new skill, making the most of this lockdown and reinventing themselves. What we need to remember is that this is not the only way to spend the lockdown. It is fine if you want to do nothing and just finishing home chores and work deadlines and getting though the day is enough. The world can never be a binary existence and so we all are somewhere on the continuum and we need to find the rhythm that works for us. So, don’t get worried about that perfect cake or bread or croissant someone baked, that perfect crochet top or that perfect painting someone posted, don’t get bogged down by the innumerable books someone read or the courses someone took. You are not that someone. If you choose to do nothing, it is perfectly alright. Because that ‘nothing’ has so much already encumbered in it.
Having said that, I find my solace in doing things and for me doing the online courses at this point has been a boon to the learner in me and my desire to upskill.

Most of the aspects I enumerated focus on understanding ourselves and figuring out what works for us. This is why I said in the start that this is a personal journey. What we need to remember is that each of us are drawing our personal journeys and in some sense, we are all in this together. So, connect with family and friends, reach out and help others and seek help when you need it. These are unchartered territories and there are many travellers on these paths.
These are small tips or hacks and things that have worked for me. Hope you find what works for you. Focus on self-preservation and self-care. You will matter only when you survive this. Do this for yourself, put yourself first. This lockdown and this virus may just be making us more resilient and determined in ways we never imagined.

#LockdownConversations #LockdownMoments #BuildingResilience #Mindfulness #SelfLove #SelfPreservation #BeKindToSelf #SelfCare #SeekHelp #ReachOut #Gratitude #ChangeTheNarrative #LearningDuringLockdown #UpSkill