Lists and me, 2019

                              "I love lists!"


I have always been a person who makes lists. Lists for everything. Where to eat, what to eat, what to buy, what to read, who to meet, what to cook, how much to spend, what work to do today, what to do next month, what I want in a few years, which schools for Ira.

Some of these lists become detailed excel sheets. This morning while conversing with two of my besties on whatsapp (one lives in Ooru and the other in a far away land), we began chatting about what we want to do in 2019. We listed one of the things and then I realised I had a list here too. A mental list that I put to words. I am not a resolution kinda person but I can be perseverent when I  want to.

So, here is that list, in no particular order.

1. Make memories that matter- experiential moments. Focus on love,laughter and happiness. Meet challenges with the strength they demand. Never regret a decision you took. Be hopeful of what the new day promises.
2. Read more books. Read a new author every month.
3. Meet friends more often.
4. As an L&D (Learning and Development) consultant,  learn to Say no to clients who don't value your work.
5. Learn a new skill- do a new course
6. Travel a little more to new places
7. Get fitter, get your lungs to work better
8. Love yourself more, do one solo trip
9. Learn to keep calm, the world is not going anywhere
10. Continue to be the mad self you are, life has worked out fine

This is what friends and fine mornings can do to you.

#Life #Happiness #Gratitude #ListFor2019 #LoveYourselfMore #BeKindToSelf

It is all about me

Very often, we forget ourselves in the cacophony of life. Make this year a little bit more about yourself.

Life gets busy

Life gets mundane

Life gets adventurous

Life gets nasty

Life gets painful

Time flies by

Time stands still

Dreams in our eyes

Fault in our stars

Hope in our hearts

Plans in our mind

Happiness in our being

Take that little step

Learn something new

Finish that TBR list

Walk a little more

Say No, vehemently

Say Yes, in happiness

Work on what you like

Do what you love

Love a little more

Dance a little more

Write a little more

Play a little more

Wander a little more

Wonder a little more

Let it be 'about me' a little more!

The journal in the pic was gifted to me last year by one of my besties and it will be my  favoritest gift ever. It is a five year journal. As I wrote the two lines for 2018, Jan 1st, reading what I had written last year made me so happy. Such an overwhelming feeling, like a memory log! 

So, when you look back to this year the next year, hope you also feel that you have made this year, all about you!

#Life #AboutMe #Metime #Selflove #LoveSelf #ExistentialExperiences #Happy2018

Celebrating love…The distance between this day this year and the next

I dislike roses

I dislike diamonds

I dislike soft toys

I dislike pomp and show

I love love-stories

I love romantic poems

I love books

I love candle light dinners

Today is Valentine’s day.  A day when the world celebrates love and some remember a saint by the same name. A day when some reminisce their unrequited love, some bask in the sunshine of being in love, some find scepticism in every act of love and some live in eternal hope for that ‘one love’ and some are just plain rational about this thing called love. A day when the consumer industry make the most of our hopes, our despairs, our ambitions and our desperations. In our country, this day is also marked by some vandalism and moral policing in the name of culture. Pyaar ki toh aisi ki taisi.

While I agree that we do not need a single day for love, I also believe that every moment needs to be celebrated because life is just so precious. And there are such small ways to celebrate the love. Celebrate the love everyday by respecting the person you are with. Respect his dreams and his ambitions, embrace his shortcomings and his fears, enjoy his quirkiness and his misadventures. If you are in love, cook with your partner. Cooking is one of the beautiful ways to connect. Learn about each other’s preferences in food and make the effort to cook that special dish. Plan little surprises, small love notes tucked away for your partner to find. The glint in the eye and that meaningful smile will take your breath away. Have conversations, the mundane and the intellectual ones. Talk books, talk politics,  talk love,  talk child care... Speak what you are thinking and express what you feel. Share opinions,  agree to disagree,  have vehement debates and emotional outbursts. Have conversations. Do things you both enjoy(ed) doing together- a long drive, dinner at a quaint place, watching a play or just making a tub of popcorn and catching that series on the laptop. Remember the moment when you chose him in a heartbeat and if you took ages, remember those ages. We live such rushed lives that we often forget to be grateful for what is there right in front of us. Count your blessings. Count the love of your partner, your family and your friends because love can conquer everything (says the die hard romantic).

There will be a 14^th Feb every year. There will be a rollercoaster ride of emotions every year. Just decide how you want to travel the distance between this day this year and the next.

To love and the beautiful world it creates!

May I say, Happy Love (Valentine’s) Day!

Say it with words,

Say it with silences,

Say it with a song,

Say it with a dance,

Say it with a cake,

Say it with a biryani,

Say it!

The day I took a Nobel Laureate on a guided tour of the Institute

Being a student at IISc, have had the opportunity to listen to many Nobel Laureates over the years.  There is always a sense of awe and admiration.  As a student and a researcher, your ears are keen, eyes are wide open as you soak up every word they say.

Today, the IISc Alumni Association hosted a special lecture by Nobel Laureate Prof. Muhammad Yunus on 'The Zero Effects of Social Entrepreneurship'. At some point, all of us would have read about his work on micro finance and the changes that the Grameen bank model has brought about in the lives of people in Bangladesh. Apart from his inspirational talk today where he spoke about how change can be brought about by encouraging every woman to understand her entrepreneurial abilities and how we need to be job makers, not job seekers for the economy to grow today.

Prior to his talk, once the introductions were done,  we took him on a guided tour of the Institute. I have deep love for the Institute and earlier as a student,  have taken visitors from other University also on campus walks. This request from him and a keen interest to see the campus just filled me with gleeful happiness to share all that I know. Talking about the expanse of the Institute,  the heritage buildings,  the new initiatives and the subway. Post the tour,  we took some snaps at J N Tata Statue and as we proceeded to the faculty Hall,  I requested him for a selfie and he was all smiles. We spoke in Bangla and I told him my Baba is from Farithpur and my Ma from dhaka. He also invited all of us to Bangladesh. The warmth,  the humility and the knowledge just blows you away. A day that shall be etched in memory.  The day I took a Nobel Laureate on a guided tour of the Institute.

#NobelLaureate #IISccampus #Memoryforlife

Found my ‘cup’ of happiness!

While growing up, I always saw that Menstruation was a topic that was spoken about in hushed tones. Be it sharing the news that a little girl has grown up (yes, this is what is exactly said), knowing smiles from aunties, discussion among jethis and mashi about how being a girl is about enduring pain. Your teachers are very considerate and kind and tell you to be discrete about this new development. You have of course been told what it is in some of the strangest ways possible. It is bad blood that the body has to throw away, it happens to girls so that they can become woman and have children, it is God's will that you will have to go through the pain and discomfort and try not to complain. After all, a girl is born to suffer. You are not supposed to talk about it to your father or the other male members in the family or to boys at school. You can just' whisper' and pretend to 'stayfree'. 

Thankfully, the conversations are changing today. We no more have to hide the napkins or feel awkward to talk about period cramps. The conversations are changing, the mind sets are changing and we are working to get rid of the taboos and the myths. I for sure will not be telling Ira that it is bad blood leaving the body! There is a lot more happening to spread awareness about menstrual health. We have informative health portals, where people are sharing their thoughts and experiences. Aditi Gupta, the founder of Menstrupedia has relentlessly been campaigning about menstrual health and hygiene. The first time I visited this blog, I felt so happy and relieved that someone was addressing the health concerns and the taboos and doing it the right way. The advertisements today are less discrete though the white trousers and blue liquid on pads reign the screen. There are massive efforts towards educating girls in villages about menstrual health.  The story of Padma Shri Arunachalam Muruganantham, the social entrepreneur from Tamil Nadu who created low cost sanitary pads and changed lives. Two years back, I read about the sustainable menstruation campaign, where women were urged to shift to cloth pads and menstrual cups. EcoFemme has cloth pads that help you shift to sustainable and more Eco friendly ways to handle menstruation.

January for me has been about making some changes to my life and shifting to the cup has been one such change. Prashant told me about the cup almost two years ago and then another close friend who has been using it also told me about the benefits. While I was sold on the idea, I just couldn't muster up the courage to make the transition. This month, talking to a confidante who was just taking the plunge gave me the final push. She later said we are cup sisters (only women can come up with names like this!). We were ordering it from Boondh. Of course, this involved reading up all over again about the benefits and such, dos and don'ts. It's amazing the colour choices that are available. Happy to have cupverted in 2017! The menstrual cup brands are boondh, she cup, moon cup, the diva cup, lunette and the keeper.

So, stating some of the obvious advantages and some challenges. 

Advantages :

1. It is good for the environment. You as an individual are creating less sanitary waste.

2. It is less cumbersome. No need to worry about carrying a newspaper to dispose the napkin or the tampon. Most bathrooms in public places still don't have dustbins. 

3. It is comfortable and easy to use as long as you follow the technique and within a cycle or two, I am sure it will only get better.  Understand your body and how it is reacting to the cup. 

4. You don't have to worry about that nasty cough or sneeze and that weird feeling of 'flooding'. The cup is snug and works well. 

5. You can swim, exercise and lead an active lifestyle wearing the cup. 

6. No worries about rashes due to napkins. This is a big plus. 

Challenges

There are however some things to keep in mind. 

1. It will take some time getting used to it.  I shifted from napkins to tampons to the cup and the transition was fine. But I was still nervous. Also, essential to choose the right size or choose a brand that makes an average size fit for all.

2. It is not as hands free as using a napkin or a tampon.  Also, it is honestly a little messy when you empty the cup. But again, you will get used to it. 

3. You will need a decent bathroom with water supply when you are on your periods and using the cup. Lot of hand wash too, as you have to wash your hands and the cup properly.

4. All manuals claim that it lasts for longer than the napkins. It does.  However, for a heavy bleeder, it can get almost full in 6 hours in the first two days. 

5. People who are allergic to silicone, who have a IUD and those who have a history of toxic shock syndrome cannot use the cup (from the user manual). 

6. Any change is challenging and the mind and body needs time to adjust to the change.  Essential we give it that time. 

So, to all the ladies out there. Give the cup a chance, it does make life better.  #cupvert2017 #boondh #lettheconversationsbegin #menstrualhealth #menstrualhygiene #sustainablemenstruation #menstrualcup #periods #embracechange

I speak for

Dear Ira,

Writing another one of those letters. A letter from a mother to her daughter, from a woman to a girl, from one human being to another. Time and again incidents around us are a stark reminder that we have to look out for ourselves and for each other. We women have to find the strength in we. The new year's eve mass molestation case in Bangalore reiterates the safety concerns for women. But what strikes me as a greater concern is the way women folk have reacted to it. There are some poignant , thought provoking reactions, some jingoisms and then some reactions where the onus of safety is completely on the woman and how she should have the common sense to not do things that can put her in harms way. I want you to know Ira that yes, you are responsible for your safety but you are not responsible for someone else's hideous misbehaviour. You have to be smart to know where to go and how to handle situations but you are not responsible because another human being forgets to behave like one. I want you to know that Papa and I intend to enrol you for some self defence course (guess by the time you get around to reading these blogs of mine, you would have already been enrolled:)); because we want you to be prepared to deal with such people but we don't want you to live in fear.

You are a little girl today and tomorrow, you shall be a young woman. But you will remain our little girl. We want you to be brave, strong, smart. We want you to embrace life for what it is, to be loving, caring and giving. This poem is for you and every other little girl around.

Love,
Mamma

I speak for myself

I speak for all women

Learn to say, "No",

Learn to say, "Enough".

Let your voice be heard,

Let your rage be seen.

Break those stereotypes,

Break those shackles.

Dare to dream,

Dare to speak.

Go, travel the world.

Go, live your life.

Be brave, be smart,

Be confident, be assertive.

Know your rights

Know what is wrong.

Do not give in,

Do not give up.

Find your calling,

Find yourself.

Discover the wild you,

Discover the 'child' in you.

Strike that conversation,

Strike that fire within.

Beat that mind set,

Beat those expectations.

Carve your niche,

Carve your path.

Journey untrodden roads,

Journey unexplored ways.

I speak for Ira,

I speak for all girls.

The 10 things I learnt at the #SHEROESSummit, Bangalore today

There are some ‘moments’ that become ingrained in your mind and manifest in repetitive actions. I was introduced to SHEROES about four years back by my dear friend Neeta. I attended the first ever summit in Bangalore in 2013, September. I have attended it every year since and it has only grown bigger, better and more fascinating. A summit that brings together women from all walks of life, women starting their careers; women looking at alternate careers, women looking to returning to work; women on sabbaticals and women who have successfully made the career transitions.

Today, 20^th August, 2016, the 4^th SHEROES Summit at The Lalit Ashok, Bangalore witnessed a packed hall, lot of opinions shared, discussed, encouraged; a back rub, a belly dance, a therapeutic dance session and a story-telling session. Capturing the day in 10 learnings is no mean feat and am being brave to even attempt it!

1.       Self-awareness and assessing your opportunities is the key to successful career planning.

2.       Learn to redefine failures. When things do not go your way, just find another way.

3.       Treat your career like a marathon and not a sprint. Stay on track; take those career breaks but resume your career.

4.       We are the only ones who can care for ourselves. Let us find our mojo.

5.       Everyone everywhere has a story to tell. Speak up and also listen.

6.       Start the conversations, you never know where it will take you. Opportunities exist, seek them mindfully.

7.       Keep learning. Be aware. Do not completely disconnect from the work space. Even when not working, learn where the technology is moving.

8.       Every challenge is an opportunity. Learn the conversion mantra.

9.       The three big Cs defining ‘Future Work’- Collaborative mind-set, Co-working spaces, Company Culture.

10.   Be a SHERO. Help another SHERO to learn, to grow and to share. In the same spirit, tell your friends about SHEROESSummit and encourage them to attend.

** This starred learning is like that extra ‘sookha fuchka’ we get (Think Incentive)! “If you have a belly, you can belly dance!” – said by the fabulous and inimitable emcee for the day, Shreya Krishnan.

Congratulations to Sairee Chahal and team SHEROES for ensuring that the day was an inspirational, liberating and fun-filled experience for us. Looking forward to #SHEROESSummit 2017.

The other side of 'Me'

Being a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother are all fascinating things. As much as being a son, a brother, a husband and a father is. However, for a woman, being a 'wife of someone' is accorded more importance than being 'who they are', by their own merit.

While growing up, I was often addressed as 'Junior Das'. My brother was not yet born and I looked and almost always behaved like my Baba. It made me grin with pride. But one thing Baba once said remains etched in my mind. He said be known by what you achieve in life and one day, they will say, am Madhurima's baba. It was of course a proud and fierce father speaking. But I have been fortunate to have parents who have taught me to be proud of what I have achieved. Fast forward few years and my little brother turns out to be a young man who always goads me to achieve the best, do my best. He always talks about how there is so much I can do. Fast forward a few more years and my significant other is the 'spouse' who attended both my colloquium and my thesis defence and 'our' labor room moment. Why am I saying all this? Because the men in our lives and their support makes us. However, we need to find our moment in our achievement. And the world needs to appreciate that.

Example 1: I have been in a room of researchers where the men are addressed by Dr.X but at times women by Mrs.Y; and this happens on emails all the time. Example 2: When am at a conference or a meeting, I often get asked, "who is taking care of Ira?". My spouse is on a wfh mode and a participative father, thanks to whom I can attend day long events. But, ever heard a man being asked, who is managing home in his absence. Of course not.

To be defined by what our fathers are or our husbands are; to be the Miss. or the Mrs. is all fine. But when that takes precedence over the individual that we are, is a dangerous one. A precedence defined by culture, tradition, societal expectations. Happens in academia, industry, all over.

The article below cites such examples of sheer irresponsibility. Time we all take notice. Thanks Harini Nagendra for sharing this article on your timeline.

http://jezebel.com/chicago-tribune-introduces-olympic-bronze-medalist-core-1784952148

Hello World, See you in a while!

Dear Me,

That moment when the 'pain' is bigger than what the mind can manage and the body can take, let go. Slow down, calm your restless mind, stop making freaking imagery of missed deadlines, take that break, slack, do nothing!
Ligament tear induced 'pain' break.
Make the grand announcement, "Hello World, See you in a while!"

Love,
Me only

#micro-blogging #break #ligamenttear #painatanotherlevel #Mtrails 

Happy Women's Day 2015

Happy Women's Day 2015!

Be the woman you want to be.

Be the woman who is brave
Be the woman who is ambitious
Be the woman who is pragmatic
Be the woman who is dynamic
Be the woman you want to be.

Be the woman who embraces challenges
Be the woman who accepts her fears
Be the woman who builds character
Be the woman who empowers women
Be the woman you want to be.

Be the woman who loves life
Be the woman who loves a man/woman like there is no tomorrow
Be the woman who loves her independence
Be the woman who loves herself
Be the woman you want to be.

Be the woman who knows what her heart wants
Be the woman who knows what her mind speaks
Be the woman who knows her strengths
Be the woman who works with her weaknesses
Be the woman you want to be.

Be the woman who celebrates herself
Be the woman who celebrates another woman
Be the woman who celebrates the men in her life
Be the woman who celebrates this world
Be the woman you want to be.

**Dedicated to all the fabulous women I know and the wonderful men who let the woman be what she wants to be:)

Happy Teacher's Day 2013!

For the little steps and strides,

For the fumbles and orating styles,

For the math signs and lab combustion,

For the history lessons and geographic stations!

For the classes and the extracurricular,

For the discipline and the fun,

For the dreams and the dares,

For the rational thinking and the obscure creativity!

For the drama and the artsy times,

For the prose and poetic rhymes,

For the being and the living,

For the realizations and the reminiscences!

For the inspiration and the mentoring,

For the advice and the goodwill,

For the friendship and the love!

To every 'teacher' I know!

Happy Teachers Day!

The Beginning Epilogue

 

 

Little steps

Cautious treads

Big Dreams

Fascinating Hopes

Little Disillusionments

Big Learnings

Growing humility

Diminishing fear

Vast Networks

Close-knit Circle of Trust

Magnanimous horizon

Frugal footfalls

Closing distance

Unlocking Opportunities

...a cauldron of burning thoughts

One of those mornings when you sit in the crowded bus; wind blowing in your face thanks to the blessed window seat and a myriad of ideas; the desire to do something, the need to make a difference...call it a reflective, introspective morning but a morning that leaves you energised with a cauldron of burning thoughts!

A cauldron of burning thoughts

Chaotic Clarity

Mayéd Inspiration

Live Your Dreamt Reality

I may not know what tomorrow holds for me

But I remember how my yesterday was

And I can ensure how my today will be.

 

There will always be people undermining you,

Stand tall to them.

There will always be people doubting your skills,

Kill them with your flair.

There will always be people telling you how to behave,

Smile and do your thing your way.

There will always be people telling you what not to do,

Listen and let the rational you think.

There will always be people telling you you are too dominant,

Give them the ‘leadership’ look.

There will always be people telling you to abide hierarchy,

Tell them you give a ‘mango’

There will always be people telling you you are ‘weird & radical’

Like my friend said, believe you are ‘limited edition’

There will always be people telling you you can’t make a change,

Tell them at least you are trying.

 

Yet there will be people who will know

You have a wild streak and it is fine

You lead by nature and it is fine

You are not so ‘normal’ and it is fine

You are you and it is fine!

 

Live your life thinking of the latter group

The former will always be larger,

More intimidating, more disruptive…

But the power lies in your beliefs,

Your thoughts and your actions.

You are the maker of your destiny,

Carve your niche,

Believe in your endeavours,

Live your dreamt reality!

 

**Dedicated to the friends I know who dare to be different, who inspire me to tread a new path, who are making a difference to this society through their words and actions.

 

M Trail- 31st December 2012

A working new years eve, but am not complaining. 

This year the learning curve has had more steeps than plateaus. The changes have been interesting, the momentum gained well worth all the thought process; little decisions that made life more enriching. Met more new people, made newer friends, d older bonds got more stronger with time, the ones that didn't work stopped mattering and above all, realised time and again that 'Life' is too darned precious!

Happy New Year 2013!

12/12/12 made super special by a doting father!

I have been very lucky to meet some amazing auto drivers and have had some memorable conversations.Today, 12/12/12 was made super special by a doting father.

The FB post I wrote:

"What a start to d day! Met such an 'educated' n inspirational person.
The auto driver, Mr.Nanjunde Gowda spoke about how his daughters are both distinction students, doing MCom and BCom. He said he has only his auto but he has ensured that his daughters have a secure future. Narrated about how when d older one topped accountancy n business studies in her college n he n his wife attended d felicitation ceremony! There was so much pride n so much love.
In a country that still battles female foeticide, dowry deaths n marital rapes... People like Mr. Gowda spell d right future! RESPECT!
#my auto stories"

 The full story is here and I hope it does justice to what I felt and the impact the conversation had. 

"Walking through the stone laid Amruthahalli road, I looked for an auto in vain. Finally decided to walk towards Byatarayanapura. Half a km later, managed to get this auto and the person agreed to go to Hebbal 500 wala busstand on meter. I was already happy that he wasn't asking for extra or making a fuss.

I sat and asked if he had put the meter on and he said, "yes madam, I have. I will fight for the right fare and may even argue, but am an honest man..I do not believe in haggling and cheating my passenger." I smiled and said that that is nice to know. He then said, "I have two daughters you know; both distinction holders. My older daughter is doing MCom and younger daughter is doing BCom. My older daughter has been asked by her college to do CA, they will help her with fees."...Turns...looks at me, smiles and continues...

"I have only this auto and we recently shifted from Nagarbhavi to Amruthahalli.   I may be auto driver but I am giving my daughters a secure future. I want them to become teacher in college, good money comes and also respect."..I said, " yes sir, correct. Teaching is a good profession and it is nice that you are so encouraging."

He then said.." They are so smart. My younger daughter did 8th,9th and 10th in Kannada medium and PUC in English medium but she worked hard and got 90% in PUC. Also, my older daughter got full marks on accountancy and business management in her college. She got an award of 1000 Rs. per subject, a garland and a shield. My wife and I went...we were so happy. Everybody Clapped."

By now, I was so choked with emotions that I just smiled...He asked me what I do and I said that I have just completed PhD from Tata Institute and working in Nagarbhavi at IIPMB and he said, "next to ambedkar college your office....i Know..I know..."

By then, we reached Hebbal, the traffic...the dusty roads ...were all lost in this conversation with this 'educated' and inspirational man. When I paid him the fare, I thanked him and told him that it was wonderful to start my morning listening to him talk about his daughters.

He smiled and said, "they are everything to me."...

Before I got down, I did take a pic of his License plate for memory. Will add that to the post later. 

Every morning when we wake up to news of female foeticide, khap judgements, moral policing, dowry deaths, elderly women being raped, marital rapes, girls dropping out of school and more, men like Mr.Nanjunde Gowda make the difference. 

I am just so humbled and just so overwhelmed!  

Pebble

If there was a past life,
I must have been a 'pebble';
that got kicked from pillar to post.
How else, Do I explain my
fascination for photographing
trees and lamp posts?

I love the shades of green,
and the brown twigs in between.
The rays of light,
and the happy beam.

They signal hope amidst despair,
They signal courage in a messy affair.
It is a bridge to be crossed, with memories tossed.
A mark to be made with fabled poise.

Insti in the Rains...

The leaves rustle in harmony

The paucity of noise is music

The overcast skies take a bow

The millipedes find their home

The footprints on wet mud

The stones a mushy brown

The rains bring in a fable

The heart dances poetically

The fibre of my being smiles

The me finds solace unfound!