I think, I feel, I want, I believe

 

I think, I feel, I want, I believe

                              Sipping 'Unknown Pleasure' and often wondering, what do I really want?

Some days we sit still with some thoughts and then they marinate for what seems like ever. This piece of writing is long due. But am glad that this rainy Sunday has rendered itself to some thinking and overcoming the writer’s block.

It was during International Women’s Day (IWD) 2025 that I decided to do this little survey. Every year, there seems to be so much talk about what to do on that day, the offers at malls and restaurants, the token initiatives and then slowly, things die down. It has taken me a while to put the results together. So, I thank my 93 participants for their time and interest and some fascinating answers.

The message that was shared.

Hello Ladies,

Happy International Women's Day 2025. Let us embrace the theme this year- For ALL Women and Girls: Rights, Equality, Empowerment.

At the outset, Thank you so much for your time.

This is a simple survey to understand what you think, feel, want and believe this International Women's Day(IWD). The data will be analysed to write an article. Am not promising path breaking ideas, discoveries or sweeping changes (though I wish I could). However, I do believe that we need to begin and continue (for the ones who already do) to share our thoughts, feelings, needs & wants. And given that this form reaching you is a snowballing sampling technique, I am optimistic that we shall capture diverse ideas.

Look forward to reading your thoughts- https://forms.gle/iiSMfyuFM26jxZ1g7

Lots of Love,

Madhurima

P.S: Could you kindly fill this and also share with more amazing women whom you know.

The Survey and what it showed

I asked them to write a Pseudo name and some of the quirky responses were Queen, Alive, Stressed Girl, Just a Girl <3, Try Stopping Me, Starry Eyed, Beautifully Dancing in the rain, Unreasonably Audacious, balance is my super power. Some chose character names like Arwen Evenstar and Black Panther.

Most of my participants were between 30-44 years of age and I also had some in their 60s. About 10% of them did not care or did not believe in the initiatives on IWD.

When asked, what annoyed them the most about IWD celebrations in Institutions (schools/colleges) and Organizations, the top four answers are

1. The tokenism about it (all about this one date in a year)

2. The misplaced understanding of feminism

3. Competitions like cooking, rangoli and ikebana that reinforce traditional roles and expectations

4. The ideal woman definition (The woman with 10 hands)

One of the participants messaged –“Can we please stop cutting cake for IWD. This is not a birthday”. I couldn’t agree more. We are succumbing to Eat cake and be happy trope.

I also asked what they wished Institutions and Organizations instead did on IWD and all year round. Some of these are already being done by few organizations, but we do see a lack of awareness or intent in many places.

The top answers that emerged here are

1.       Encourage women to prioritise their physical and mental health with organization wide initiatives
2.       Create mentoring and networking opportunities for students and women in early careers
3.       Empathetic policies for women returning to work
4.       Start CSR initiatives that support organizations working for marginalised women
5.       Organise financial literacy programs
 

All of the above can start as small initiatives and convert into policies with the right nudge from leadership. We not only need mentors and coaches, we need allies in the workplace.

       I closed the survey with a question inspired by one of my favourite podcasts (The Seen and the Unseen by Amit Varma). I asked them to share the name of their favourite Venture/ Book/ Film/ Podcast that are women led. The generosity in the sharing made me smile and I had to then categorise them further into Books, Venture/Initiative, Favourite Women Authors, Podcast, Series, Personality/Youtube Channels and Books.

Favourite women authors

 
·        Agatha Christie
·        Jane Austen
·        Attia hussein
·        Chimamanda Adichie
·        Maya Angelou
·        Arundhati Roy
·        Coco Mellors
·        Sudha Murthy
·        Anita Nair for her books which helped me get back to reading, immensely grateful to her
 
 

Books
 
·        Palace of Illusions
·        Thousand splendid suns
·        Anand by Sekhar Kammula
·        Godavari by Sekhar Kammula
·        Women and Power
·        Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie
·        Book duology - Jorasanko and Daughters of Jorasanko by Aruna Chakravarti - focuses on the impact and influence of the women of the Tagore household on the social zeitgeist of their time.
·        The patriarchs - why men came to rule
·        Mahashweta by Sudha Murthy

Venture/Initiatives
 
·        Taxshe
·        This women run bookstore/ cafe that I came across in Cunningham road... It was wonderful seeing a business/ venture thrive that was solely run by women... (I think she means Champaka :))
·        Vilvah, Sugar cosmetics
·        Vanasthree
·        Anaa My Health Nutricare services
·        Women who Code
·        Google WomenTechmakers program
·        California women lead
·        Ashraya Seva Trust , Bengaluru
·        "Sudha murty's- Infosys foundation
·        "
·        Neeta Ambani wearing multiple hats
·        Curly Tales
·        Samvit Sudha
·        Mongabay India
·        Aravani Art Project - Trans-women and CIS-women led art collective, uses art to create safe spaces for the transgender community and advocates for social change through public murals and other creative initiatives.
·        Atheya and Invicta Learning  as it is proudly run by two women

Films
 
·        The Six Triple Eight
·        The Great Indian Kitchen
·        Mona Lisa smile
·        The Help
·        Stepmom
·        English Vinglish
·        Erin Brockovich
·        Saand ki Aankh,
·        Lipstick under my burkha
·        Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
·        Three Idiots
·        She Said
·        Laapata Ladies
·        Kiragoorina Gayyaligalu (https://youtu.be/qKRdQF-YDR0?si=fP76Dq6A_YiAKxiH)
·        Frances Ha
·        The Anatomy of a Fall.
·        Gejje Pooje (Kannada)
·        Thappad (Hindi)
·        Magalir Mattum (Tamil)
·        Mrs
·        Mirch masala
·        Bottoms
·        Queen
·        Hidden figures
·        Greta Gerwig movies
·        Greta Gerwig's Little Women (both Jo and Amy's monologues!!!), Barbie and Lady Bird.
·        Barbie
·        Legally Blonde
·        Bend it like Beckham

Podcasts
 
·        Where should we begin- Esther Perel
·        The hidden economics of remarkable women  (HERO)
·        The Gal Gala (https://thegalgala.substack.com/)
·        Womaning in India
·        Podcast hosted by Smita Prakash
·        Rotten Mango
·        kkcreate
·        The Swaddle

Series
 
·        The Glory (Korean)
·        Ginny and Georgia
·        Radha Ramana (Telugu series)
·        Fleabag
·        The Crown

Personalities/ Youtube Channels
 
·        Rapid Rashmi
·        Kiran Mazumdar Shaw
·        Kiran Bedi
·        Sridevi
·        Palki Sharma show
·        Women spies of WW2

 

#IWD2025 #WhatWomenWant #WorkplacePolicies #Equity #Conversations

Thrilled to bits for little things, the Ira way

 

Dearest Ira, 

You are almost 8.5 years now. The last year has seen a surge of very interesting observations and questions that you have asked us. Some easy ones, some fun ones, some not so comfortable ones and some for which we had to find answers. Somedays, we wondered if you ae really just Eight and the next moment, you did something with child filled wonder and chaos that assured us you are still eight. 

You asked us about the need for caste. Why if we are born equal, do people then follow caste. You read the story on the Dalit boy and wondered about how mean people can be. You felt sad when you read about the atrocities the families went through. 

In our little travel, you have begun noticing the diversity around and also asked us what does it mean to be locals and who is an outsider. 

You have begun showing curiosity on practices and questioned them, food habits to expressions of faith. 

You have also wondered why adults are allowed to do some things and children can't. 

You are curious about growing up and we have had some interesting and deep conversation on the physical and mental changes that you have to embrace yourself for. 

You have navigated difficult interpersonal moments, sometimes chosen not to share with us and sometimes seeked our help. 

We have tried our best to have the conversations in simple ways, seeked the help of books and in some cases, even friends to quench that curiosity. You were sometimes happy with the answers, sometimes asked more questions and may be sometimes even wondered why simple questions had long drawn answers. 

You continue to assert yourself, find yourself and celebrate yourself in your little ways. 

You have shown us how small things thrill you to bits and your expressions have been loud and clear. Be it the lady bug pattern nailpolish , eating your favourite dessert, doing the fevicol craft, playing virtual games or making your own stories. Making rangoli art or trying some Science experiments. Choosing your new spectacles and then flaunting them with panache! 

On Sept 27th, you completed 100 months of being 'You'. We were at Kali adventure camp and you closed the evening eating Gulab Jamun. The thrill in your eyes and the smile said it all. 

You also learnt about budgeting a few weeks back when you shopped for books from two bookstores, keeping a budget in mind and managed to save a few tens! Thrilling indeed. 

Yesterday, you went for your first ever Karate Championship and won some medals. While the thought was to have fun, we also saw how you were thrilled holding onto those medals. 

So, to those questions, to that bowl of Gulab Jamun, to magical and mystical moments, to celebrating every small and big milestone with childlike innocence and wonder! 

We do have a surprise for you this evening and I can already hear that squeal and see that shine <3 

Happy Children's Day! 

Love, Hugs and Kisses, 

Mamma and Papa

#Ira #Iraisms #BeingIra #IraAtEight #EffablesAtEight #Pramadhs #Us #Love #Learning #ChildrensDay #LetterToIra #Questions #LittleHumanBeings #Parenting 

Put Yourself First, You Matter

 

                                                 Picture credit- Toa Heftiba, Unsplash

"In any case, I can’t have it all, I don’t want it all, and I can’t do it all either"

A close friend told me this recently when we were discussing work, home, kids and ourselves! 

When I told her that it is a strong statement and was there anything that triggered it, she said, nothing really. She is just fed up of reading the narrative- "you can have it all!"

The first thing that came to me was that this is such a misnomer. 

With the world and its pace, its uncertainties and its ambiguities, we women need to really define the 'all'. Define it for ourselves and customise it to our situations. 

We need to constantly remind ourselves that no two women are same, no two families are same and no two people's desires, dreams and expectations are same. 

So, how do we redefine that narrative. I can think of one simple thing. We all know it but we need to tell this to ourselves constantly- "Put Yourself First".

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Before your partner

Before your child

Before your family

And

Before the greater world

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Your health and your strength

Your space and your resilience

Your breakdowns and your stumbles

Your smiles and your tears

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Your coffee and your cake

Your sleep and your walk

Your Netflix and your book

Your chocolates and your ice-cream 

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Your aspirations and your ruminations

Your lists and your plans

Your choices and your songs

Your me-time and your nothingness

Put Yourself First

You matter

Own your can't s, your don't s, your won't s

Own your wants, your haves, your needs

Own your silence, your voice, your sanity

Put Yourself First

You Matter

Pick your 'all'

Put Yourself First

You Matter

#PutYourselfFirst #YouMatter #HappyWorldMentalHealthDay #MentalHealthConversations #Empathy #Self 

The Happy Jar, the Ira way

When Ira turned 6 a few weeks back, we began a small activity with her. We made "Ira's Happy Jar". While during the lockdown, we often spoke to Ira about being grateful for what we have and being happy about the way we are at home doing things together, a conversation with a dear friend gave us the nudge to do this activity.

Ira loves anything that involves scissors, paper,  and a lot of mess & newness! We told her that this is not a one time activity with Mamma or Papa but something that she has to consistently try and do over the next one year.

And then began the task of getting the Happy Jar in place.

Ingredients (We urge you to use what is available at home):
1.An enthusiastic 6 year old (the easiest component in the activity)
2. A mason jar or any glass jar (we used something that we had at home)
3. A ribbon or a string (we used a string from a woolen cap that was gifted to Ira when she was a baby)
4. Colour sheets (Mamma had some colour sheets with her)
5. Envelope to keep the chits (the envelope was courtesy Kalpan Dida)
6. Pen (Used pen as the writing in pencil may get smudged)

We told her that she has to end of a day think of one thing that made her happy that day and write about it. Ideally, an experience. There may be days when she doesn't want to write anything and that is also fine.

Goal: Read all these chits on her 7th Birthday. ( Mamma is already thinking that if she sustains this for the year, to make it an annual activity!)

While we began this thinking that end of the year, she will realise all the fun and happy things she has done, we also realise this is like a journal jar, a memory bank of experiences, a Pandora's box for the little mind.

For now, she has been writing the chits. A few days, there are 2 things on the chit. They range from eating a lollypop, playing scrabble, meeting friends, doing a craft, watching a movie with Mamma Papa, attending her Montessori online discussion. The simplicity of the 'happy moment' and the sense of accomplishment is what makes it endearing.

We realise we will need a much bigger jar for the year if she continues to write the chits almost everyday (I need to figure out where to get a large jar). For now, she looks at it daily, writes her precious chit, drops it into the jar and mixes the chits.

#Ira #Iraisms #Happiness #Gratitude #TheHappyJar #Parenting #Activity #IraAtSix #StoriesAtSix #LittleHumanBeing #ConversationsWithIra

"I want to colour my hair blue!"- 'Wishes', the Ira way.

                        Our little 'Rebel Girl'!

Being parents to a little human being is one of the most adventurous things that has happened to us! Every day is an adventure, every conversation has adventurous elements and every little wish of our little girl is adventure personified.

This weekend she suddenly out of the rainbow said, "I want to colour my hair blue!".

The parent in me reacted.
Mamma: "what, why?"

Ira: (calmly) "I want to colour my hair blue, like Coy."

While I was still in my head figuring out who she is talking about, P realised she is talking about Coy Mathis.  We read about Coy in the book 'Goodnight stories for Rebel Girls' and she is one of our favorite 'Rebel Girls' . We are currently on the 37th story reading a few every week.

And then the conversation continued.

Mamma: Ira, you cannot colour your hair. You are too young and it has chemicals.

Ira: But why can't I, when Coy can.

Papa: Because it is allowed where Coy is. Her school allows it.

Mamma: Yes Ira. She lives in America. It is fine there. Here we have strict rules. May be you can colour when you are 12. But only the edge of the hair.

Ira: when I can choose my own dress, why can't I colour my hair.

Mamma: well, that is a simple decision. But colouring hair is about putting chemicals which may not be safe.

Ira: But I am also allowed to make big decisions and do things that I like. Choose what I play, what I watch, what I eat.

Mamma: yes, we have given you the independence to make your decisions about certain things. But some things...

Ira: But I want to colour my hair.

Mamma: ok. We can talk about this later again. And like I said, when you are 12 may be.

Ira: (Getting her negotiation face on) no, when am 7.

Mamma: Naah. 7 is too young to make this decision.

Ira: But Coy is also that age.

Mamma: yes, but like we told you there are some rules in schools here and we have to follow that. Also, we are ok with you colouring your hair but at a particular age. Not before that. (thinking of some solution for now). And you can ask Nash (Her hair stylist whom she worships, literally).

Ira: (in tears) Ok . But I can make my own decisions.

This was followed by some tears, some hugs and we decided to get back to this conversation. Till when this conversation thread picks up again!

Parenting is often not about the big things, major changes. It is actually about small conversations that our little human beings want to have with us,small ideas, the tiny steps towards freedom and decision making and how do we help that growth story.

There are no easy answers and we didn't have one either. But yes, we acknowledged how she felt, we understood the context where this idea came from. A part of me feels proud that she is internalising some learnings and a part of me wonders, where does she pick up these 'rebel' ideas from.

The rebel gene must be largely from Papa because she even sounds like him a lot of times. People who have intercated with her closely can vouch for that.

For now, P and am happy to raise a 'Rebel Girl'. So, raising a toast to rebel parents too!

And yeah, today is Daughter's Day and we did wish and hug and kiss and do things together.

#HappyDaughtersDay2019 #Daughters #Ira #Iraisms #TalesAtFive #IraAtFive #HairColour #Decisions #Conversations #CoyMathis #ColourMyHairBlue #Parenting

Creating 'Voting Day' Memories, the Ira way

"Mamma, what is voting?"

Voting is when you choose a leader who will take care of you and your country.

She did inky pinky ponky and solemnly declared,

"Then You and Papa are my leader"

Today was voting in Ooru. The excitement of standing in that queue, casting your vote, getting inked is always accompanied by a very strong emotion.

Ira accompanied me to the polling booth today and while I casted my vote, she sat and drew and coloured. She chatted with Ms. Pushpalatha and also coloured the Rangoli police aunty drew. The parent in me beamed with pride and Joy was like, "This is universal mother emotion".

Everyyear Baba ensures he has collected our voting slips and as I stood in line, he was there with me. Post voting,a selfie with Baba and Joy happened!

And once we were home, Ira also wanted the vote ink and drew it herself using a sketchpen! As we wait with hope for the results to come, we also hope that our little human beings who today seem so excited with that sketch pen ink keep that enthusiasm as adults and be responsible citizens and cast their votes in the future.

To creating 'Voting Day' memories, the Ira way.

#IVoted #GeneralElections2019 #Ira #Iraisms #TalesAtFour #IraAtFour #VotingConversations #Leader #LittleHumanBeings #Memories

Ira's first pets

                   This is how HAPPINESS looks!

Ira just got her first pets! And the 'Pramadh' household is now buzzing with conversations with Goldie, Sunshine, Spark and Glitter!

"I am here, see"

"Ok. Good afternoon Goldie, Sunshine, Spark and Glitter".

"I am going to play. See you in sometime. Bye"


Ira has been sitting next to them and just smiling and chatting away. Ira completed her first summer camp on Animal Kingdom at JH today and got a small fish, whom she named Goldie. Papa promptly took her to a pet shop and got her a fish bowl and three more friends for Goldie. Mamma and Ira then decided on the names for them.

         Summer Camp 1 and Ira has her first pet

Ira and Papa have the cleaning and feeding duties sorted between them. Mamma is an observer soaking in all the happiness from her little human being.

Ira is now hopeful that someday she will also have the 'pet' that has been her ask for a few years now. We do live in hope! And Papa and Ira will someday have their wish granted.

For now, all I can say is:
"Goldie, Sunshine, Spark and Glitter...welcome to the Pramadh household".

   

#Ira #Iraisms #IraAtFour #TalesAtFour #Conversations #IrasFirstPets

Everyday is Ira's day! Every conversation, the Ira way

We all own a part of everyday that we live. Being parents to Ira, we realise this in many small ways every day.
There has been a tremendous increase in her imaginative play and it transcends home boundaries. We have her imaginary friends going shopping with us, going to park, restaurants everything.
Her world through her eyes seems so vibrant and we are often breathless catching up with her speed of thought and action. We ofcourse also have those moments when she is sitting with her mug of milk and day dreaming and smiling! This July, she turned 50 (months). We commemorated the moment with some books, weekend of play dates and her favorite food!
In a few weeks, she completes half a year of Mont 3. Does time fly or what?
A few things she says these days that we want to remember forever.

This is serious conversation. Don't laugh (When she is convincing us about something).

Mamma, will you relax please ( When I keep asking her to wind up her activities).

Papa, I am exhausted(When he asks her to skate or bike).

Woody told me to do this. I didn't do it (anything naughty she does, Woody or buzz light year are her partner's in crime)

Yes, I remember, in my brain (whenever we ask is she remembers something)

Bad word! ( a live censor at home, even guests are careful)

This is delicious (current description for her meals. We have moved on from yummy to delicious)

I have to keep it below my pillow. I will dream about them (keeps a book EVERY single day below the pillow, prophesying they will come in her dreams)

Say ok! (Like some solemn promise she asks for to an agreement we make)

A recent conversation when we were playing downstairs. "I will give you this flower. You have to run 10 times around me" ...well, I did run 10 times around her and was the proud recipient of that yellow flower and that sunshine smile.

Like I said, Everyday is Ira's Day!

Btw World! yesterday was Daughter's Day :)

Ira's mamma participated in a walkathon to raise awareness about abuse and support girls who are victims of abuse (deserves an individual post).

#Ira #Iraisms #TalesAtFour #IraAtFour #Parenting #Conversations #DaughtersDay

Jouska

To all the brave women fighting everyday, fighting for their dignity, for their right to live, for their freedom, for their heart, for their mind, for their souls.

The mind wanders

Strange thoughts have a reptilian grasp

That choking feeling

The world is moving on

You are in a standstill

Like those moving picture toys

The cinema is but dark

The air trickles of sadness

The dry grass churns despair

You are stuck

While the ground moves

You hear the wind

And yet there is silence

No song, no happiness, no love

Still, sorrow, pain

The heart wants to be strong

Filled with awe

Anticipation, surprise, hope

The eyes blank

Desire that smile

That one look

Know you are near, yet far

It all disappears

In that grain of sand

Slipping through the desperate clutch

Hold on to that moment

Abyss is yet far

Dream shatters

Reality beckons

Those incomplete jagged lines

Tell a deep tale

The creased page turns

And it is all blank

#jouska #conversations #women #battlingabuse #battlingdepression #brave #poetry