The most defining moment of understanding that you both have created
someone is when you hear that first heartbeat! Your hearts skip a beat in
unison, the eyes fill with tears and all you can do is smile. It is
overwhelming in every sense of the word!
The 37 weeks gone by have been
fascinating in every sense of the word. Filled with anticipated moments, times
when our hearts skipped a beat, evenings spent at the hospital for the
innumerable checks and scans, the endless list of queries that we posed to the doc,
the strange and sometimes funny questions posed to us, the excitement of
searching for a ‘name’, to doing all the neutral colour shopping for the baby
and crosschecking every moment whether that expansive to-do list is nearing
completion!!
These weeks have been a journey
in itself; we have stumbled, read up lots of things, had some fabulous
discussions with friends and found our ground. We have prepared ourselves for
this moment of ‘parenthood’ through processes possible and learning dictums
available! However, like everyone says, you can never be fully prepared… we
also do not claim to be ready for a perfect ride, but we are excited to be on
the ride and experience it as things come along.
Pregnancy like we have
experienced has no prototype and every woman explains and experiences it
differently. What though were common were the words of caution about being
careful, slowing down and even lines like, ‘wait and see, life is not the same,
you will have no time for yourself.’ This line is of course true but isn’t that
what we have signed up for. Both of us movie buffs, have ensured that we go to
as many movies as we can, socialise as much as possible because things will
take a backseat for a while and we are good with that. I was warned by a well meaning friend that I
should slow down, not travel too much…and all my partying and else can wait and
focus on the baby while I was just 6 weeks pregnant. She also said, “you do not
want to cry over spilt milk!” While am sure she meant well, I do not agree with
the manner in which she put her words across. It almost rang, you will be
responsible for your miscarriage if you are careless. In another instance, we
were not invited for a dinner because I was in a delicate condition…really!! I
mean, haven’t women for centuries borne babies and survived it in the harshest
conditions. And here I was doing fine going by my reports and my doc, but
people were beginning to make presumptions on my behalf. Always being a strong
headed person, this surely did not go down well with me. I was irritated, angry
and amused at the same time. Now, when I look back, am amused at their thinking
and my reactions too, but I do not think I would have reacted any other way.
We have always lived life by our
own terms and are glad that we both think alike on such aspects. We announced
the ‘good news’ on a social platform (Prashant is to be given complete brownies
and brickbats for it) and were astounded by the multitude of reactions. Most
people felt we had announced it too early while we were in the ‘risky’ first 3
months still; some thought we were crazy, and some like us loved it, were happy
for us and showed it!! My poor mom bore the brunt of family friends and
relatives telling her what have we done to which she said, ‘they are today’s
modern thinking people and am sure they know what they are doing.’ While my mom
may have herself liked to break the news later, she respected our stand on it.
There were days in the initial
three months when the morning sickness came on with full mighty force, but the
deal was to walk out of the bathroom and tell yourself this too shall pass!! Pregnancy
is not easy and neither is it impossible, each of our bodies react differently
at different times and the challenge is to accept and learn to deal with it. I
travelled by bus and auto to work almost till the 33rd week and with
a little care and lines like, “bhaiya, dheere chaliye/ swalpa nidhaana hogi…all
was fine!” I admit that I have been an avid auto user for years and have never
really had complaints. The last few days at work, I got chauffeured by my
significant other and while a part of me thought this was too much trouble for
him, I admit, I loved all the pampering!
While being pregnant does mean
making small changes in your lifestyle, these changes can be implemented one
step at a time. Being on the higher side of the weighing scale, we had to
ensure that I eat healthy and in time and get the metabolism to work better.
Did this with about 6 small-meals-a-day, which I still try and do. Have to admit, this has helped my
metabolism and also kept the weight gain at a desirable pace and number. The
agenda was to listen to doc, stop unnecessarily fretting and enjoy the process.
Both of us being foodies have ensured that I eat all cuisines during these
weeks. While books say that by about the 21st weekish, the
child begins to taste the food you eat through the amniotic fluid, honestly,
just feels good to eat different things during Preggy phase. However, one question
that kept cropping up was, “So, what cravings are you having? What do you feel
like eating? Do you feel hungry middle of the night?” While all this did sound
fascinating, my response was in the negative. I DID NOT have cravings or mood
swings, Prashant missed the opportunity of having to run to a 24*7 ice-cream/dessert
store to pick up desserts for me…guess we did miss this experienceL. A friend of his told
him he was having it easy and my BIL quipped, “Prashant is lucky. You have not
been difficult to manage.” We would like to believe that those were compliments. However, what we all
need to remember is when women go through this, it is a combination of both the
physical changes and the mental state. So, I say, the ones with ‘special’ cravings,
make the most of it and the ones like me, who do not have cravings, kuch bhi
kha lo yaar! Chill karo!
Apart from the quintessential
cravings question, the other most common question is on ‘movement’. “So, you
can feel it? Such a good feeling naa.”; “It is like football being played, left
to right, top to bottom.” “Wait till the movements begin and he kicks (most
people would say he), then your sleep will also be troubled”. To my dismay ,
these questions began about the 22nd-24th weeks itself
and all I then felt was a little gas-bubble-kinda feeling, even wondering if it
is acidity!! A conversation with my doc and some reading up revealed that this
is how you initially feel. Did I have a sigh of relief or what? What is
interesting is how women often recollect moments from their pregnancy and do a
comparative note with you. I many a times, couldn’t identify with the
overzealous attitude towards kicking and movement and put it on the fact that “my
parental gene must be little slow”, as I still wasn’t feeling all motherly, in
any sense of the word. I have begun feeling, understanding and appreciating the
movements may be a little later than most people. You can feel the twists and
turns, you can feel the fist in the mid-30th weeks and you do feel
the blob of head and the bum! So, we finally concluded that our baby after all wasn’t
that lazy. While making this statement, we realised how unconsciously we all
begin to compare notes on pregnancy, parenthood and baby aspects! And then
consciously remind ourselves the beautiful thought from Dr. Spock’s book, where
it is said that we all may have an ideal baby in mind, but our baby is going to
be one of a kind, who may not adhere to our standards of ideal. So true, so
profound and so simple; yet, so easy to let it pass by.
One of the most exciting moments
has been the ‘name hunt’ phase!! What is in a name? You ask us and we say, lots
if the parents to be have some defined thoughts and ideologies in mind. We had
a few things- the name should not have a religious connotation or be a synonym
for any god’s name from any religion; the second name/ surname should not
connote the community, the name should be short and have an abstract meaning-
could be based on any element, nature, qualities etc. The reason the search
became difficult at some level was because the criteria were abstract in the
sense, most name sites gave names by nation/language/religion/gender. We
realised that some of the most common names across countries had something to
do with god, holiness or purity! We were being a little particular and also
trying to see how the name sounds, whether it fits in with the second name in
mind; whether we want a middle name based on a personality who has influenced
our thinking/ ideology. Bongs have nick names/ pet names; our identity revolves
around it and this was obviously one of the things that we discussed. Finally,
after weeks of discussion, we have decided not to keep an official pet name but
if the grandparents want to use a name of their choice, they may.
We are consulting at a premier
birthing hospital in the city that is extremely pro-active at making you feel
like this is the best experience of your life. Our choice of this hospital was
guided by the fact that the gynac we knew was consulting here and she had been
recommended by my parents family doc of 25 years!! The trust was the deciding
factor and of course the fact that we liked what the hospital was promising. We
have had workshops and sessions where antenatal aspects were discussed,
birthing stages were told; the role of the partner was discussed, breathing
exercises were taught; basic activities with the baby have been discussed and
we have been taught how to do simple baby things. Many naysayers may say, this
is fancy marketing gimmick, we have moms and massage ladies at home for all
that knowledge and age-old-gyan. However, our experience was that we came back
home with a lot of learnings, feeling confident about being involved parents
and feeling good about the entire process. What we personally like the most is
that they are very particular about the husbands being involved at every stage
of the pregnancy, including witnessing the birth of the child. Prashant sure is
excited and has warned me of a ‘selfie’ soon after. There are many people who
may also raise concerns about the rate cards at this hospital and how today
young couples want to pay for fancy pink and blue balloons and decorated rooms,
all I can say is this is a very personal choice for a couple and financials are
comparatively similar to other top hospitals. We cannot comment on any other
hospital and their services because this is our first time; all we can share is
we are happy with what we are parting with and the services and personal care
we are receiving in return. The learning has also encompassed debunking many a
myths. I was asked to have ‘kesar’ with milk everyday because that is what
women who are pregnant must do but I did strongly refuse it. The reason kesar
is advocated is because it is believed to ensure a ‘fair’ / ‘white’ child!
Also, eating papaya can cause heat and miscarriage. Scientifically, this is not proved (thanks to
the nutrition session from the hospital) and so a myth that we succumb to. I
did enjoy some ripe papaya during my pregnancy. So, eat the melons and the
papaya. The more colourful that plate of food in front of you, the better it
is.
We all grow up seeing our
parents, other parents, friends as parents and take away some of the things
that we would like to do like them, some learning we would like to emulate.
These are all ideal situations because no two children are same and no two
parents are same. But where there is inspiration, you lap it up. We have seen
around us some of the most doting parents, indulgent parents & chilled out
parents!! Hoping we shall also find our connect and our style of parenting as
we brace ourselves for the little one to arrive. And like a very dear friend,
very practically responded to one of my innumerable questions, “Massage ke liye
olive oil use karungi. Kaun sa loon?” and pat comes the reply, “wahi, jo buy
one, get one free ho!”.
As a work life balance
researcher, it is a completely different ball game to read all the fancy
literature and then see your friends living it 24*7. I have women friends who
are fabulous moms. The working moms work literally multiple shifts ensuring
their careers grow and their children still get all the attention; friends with
two kids who are like super-moms literally!! While there are moments I may be
cynical about their advices, I do admit that they are speaking from their
experiences and choices and I respect that.
Whoa…that is been a lot I had to
say about my thoughts and our experiences. I have saved the most precious account
for the last. Being married for almost 6 years (oh yes, we are wondering what
if the little one is born on the 6th anniversary date that is in a
few days…wicked smile) to my best friend (sounds cliché I know, but no other
way to say it), who over the years has filled my life with love, happiness,
excitement, adventure and madness…this phase has also been fun and fulfilling. He
is as involved, excited and eager as I am and has made me feel precious every
moment of the way. The changes have been easy to embrace, I have felt confident
about the roundness that I have become and absolutely loved every moment of
this Preggy phase. Yes, there have been moments when I have been a tad bit low
on the enthu-meter but am not gonna be harsh on myself about that. Prashant is
currently on a ‘baby-break’ and this possibly is one of the best things that has
happened. Yes, the reactions have been aplenty, from what is the need to why
now, when a baby means more expenses and people absolutely missing the point!
We chose to do this because this gives us time together and nothing can beat
those initial moments. And like I always tell him, his parental gene is surely
more active! So, here we are in the 38th week, looking forward to
the next few days and eagerly awaiting the arrival of our little one!! Life
will change; it will be 24*7; routines will go haywire; lot of things we plan
and will for, may never happen…but we are set for that journey, we are ready to
make those choices and enjoy this lifetime of an experience. Life comes a full circle in a heartbeat!
