Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Having fun, doing just nothing



19th November, 2016
Sports Day
Olympiad 2016 at Jackfruit House


As the school year progresses,  it presents new experiences to both parents and the toddlers. Ira was to attend her first sports day ever and needless to say, Papa and Mamma were equally excited.  The children were given a dress code and asked to bring pompoms. Colourful streamers, shiny papers and gift wraps came to the rescue and Ira was headed to sports day carrying her colourful homemade pompoms.

 The day began with us getting badges that designated us to a particular group and we got the green group.  The first  activity was pompom dance and Ira held on tightly to hers and just stood for a long long time. The wonderful thing was that parents also had to partake in the activities.  Mandatory selfie,  videos being shot and constant clicking of the camera. The air filled with the shrieks of parents encouraging their little ones to play the games.

We played treasure hunt where Ira had to search for shells and she stood after finding one.  We then had to make straw towers, build and dismantle paper cup towers using the rubber band sling, played golf too.  One of the track events we had was one where the children had to crawl through hoops which the parents moved. Ira just stood and didn't run through hoops. So,  P moved the hoops,  picked her,  put her in the hoop and moved it again. And our world filled with her cackle.

That moment represented the sports day, where it was about having fun, having a good time and doing it your way. After every sport, the enthusiastic hifis, the cheers was just contagious. Every child was given a cup which they posted with proudly and pretended to drink milk,  juice etc from it.  It is her first cup,  it is precious just like that moment when she stood in the garden and cackled loudly.

It was a Saturday morning well spent and we drove back home with beautiful memories, the pompoms almost intact and the precious cup that she held on to. We adults at times forget how simple things can make us happy, jumping in a sand pit,  playing with straws, throwing water and having fun doing just nothing. Time to find those simple moments for ourselves and live them. 

Monday, November 21, 2016

10 Mantras of Effective Networking

Some lessons on Networking learnt as a PhD student and a professional.  Happy to share them on #ClubSciWri. The article was originally published on 13th November, 2016 at http://www.sciwri.club/archives/1689.


Networking is a skill. A skill that some of us may inherently have and some of us have to work hard to develop. I have always been an extrovert. I love people, I can strike conversations, I am comfortable with new people and new settings. However, as a research student I learnt that networking is not all about being an extrovert. Networking is something you have to learn and work very hard at.



My PhD professor would take us along when he attended networking meets or he was giving a talk at an institution. He would introduce us as his student and then leave us to it. While throwing us into the big-bad world of business networking, he inadvertently gave us the required push and set a good example. He encouraged us to get visiting cards made which came very handy even when we networked as students and during the course of primary data work. Being a research student in the management domain, we attend both academic conferences and the business summits and networking is equally important at both. Over the years as an academician, an entrepreneur and a consultant, I have realised that networking skilfully can make impressions and build careers.

I love observing people and for me the gender differences in networking often strike at events. Studies have shown how men are more aggressive at networking and women are shy in a mixed gender group. Also, very few women proactively attend networking meets. Interestingly, in an all women networking event, the conversations steer very differently.

The observations shared henceforth are solely mine and based on my experiences.


1. Networking types There is usually a ‘type’. Some people network aggressively and some assertively. This is often a result of personality types. I have seem assertive networkers do fine, begin on the right note and close conversations well. Personally, aggressive networking is a put-off. I have seen people nudge to get into a group conversation or even interrupt the flow of conversations between two other people. Completely unacceptable.


2. The essence of building a conversation.
It is essential to move from the hello, to an introduction and come to the point of why you want to connect. However, due to the stress of networking, some people have a verbal diarrhoea and some choke. Essential to tell about self, but even more important to listen what the other person does and is interested in.


3. Closing the conversation

Often in large networking groups, you will notice flippant networkers. They move or hop from one person to other. What is important is to ensure that you close the previous conversation well. With some people, you may want to take the dialogue offline and with some, you may see no further benefits. Either case, a polite ‘nice to meet you’ goes a long way, along with closing the conversation track.


4. Following up on the connect established
Send an email to the people thanking for their time and stating a bit of your interest in being connected. Some may fizzle out and some connections may become strong bonds. While this is courteous, it also makes the networking more fruitful.


5. Networking etiquette Some things have to be followed, irrespective of time, space and your eagerness to impress. Do not hog the limelight; listen, appreciate and respond. Be proactive in stating interest in what the other person does. Do not make judgemental statements on community, language or religion. Do not get argumentative. A networking meet is not a place to prove yourself and your thinking as the only right thing. At a networking meet recently, I was asked where am from and a flippant statement about women researchers followed. I understand that people have strong opinions, but that may not have been the best time. I steered clear of that person the rest of the day.


6. Gender differences I personally always find it interesting how women network differently. What I have seen is women invariably ask about spouse or children or place we are from. These often become starting points of discussion. I have rarely seen men talk about family.  But yes, men do ask women about their families. This is just an observation.  I at times like the no nonsense thing of just talking work and work interests. But that is me. I also am allergic when women dumb themselves down to fit in social networking situations.


7. Networking in silos
Even at networking events, people end up networking in silos. This beats the entire purpose of networking.  So, leave that comfort zone and venture out.


8. The appropriate and the inappropriate

We have to be very cognisant of the fact that we do not make statements that are politically incorrect.  Jokes or comments on religion, community, and gender are not ice breakers. Also, there is a fine line between being witty, sarcastic, humorous and being obnoxious.


9. Glass of wine, plate of snacks and intermittent conversations

Nurse that glass of wine, one sip at a time.  Networking events are not for drinking binges.  Try not to be caught with a stuffed mouth, full of chicken tikka or greasy hands from the paneer starter.  This can surely be a put off. 


10. 3 Ps Preparation, Perseverance, Pragmatism. Always prepare.  If you know who you have a chance of meeting at the networking meet, read up about them and their work.  Be persevering.  You may not be able to connect with them in the first few minutes that they join the event.  Take your time.  Be Pragmatic. Networking can't be done at the pace of speed dating. So, be focused, yet relaxed. There is no ideal networking style or moment or outcome.



Networking is a skill that we all are learning along the way.  So keep that smile ready and let the rest follow. Happy networking!

Monday, November 14, 2016

Happy Children's Day the Ira way




Every pebble is a story untold
Shared with enthusiasm multi-fold
She slips and falls
Stands and says, "No big deal"..
Climbs spaces,  crawls on the ground,
Strides like an adult,  uses words newfound.
Every moment in her world,
Is happy children's day unbound.

#microblogging #Ira #Iraisms


Monday, October 31, 2016

A Perfect Sunday the Ira way




We are all early risers including our 29 month old toddler! For us a perfect Sunday more often than not includes a visit to the Cubbon Park, where at times we catch up with friends.

We love the fact that Ira loves nature and animals.  Whether it is searching for a centipede with a stick, patting the dogs, sitting and watching the parakeets with Papa or playing hide and seek around the banyan tree. Even while taking a break on a bench  and munching an apple,  she continues to narrate all that she did with all the toddler excitement. A perfect Sunday with perfect memories!

#microblogging #perfectsunday #nature #Ira #Iraisms

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Delhi Diaries- a visit to heaven, a lesson in history and a heartfelt dhanyawaad.



My last visit to Delhi was 15 years ago and a very very short one,  less than a day,  which was spent with friends.

The 60 hours in Delhi this weekend has actually been about seeing the famous places in this beautiful city and eating the famous things.  I,  of course was there for work.  I was attending an expo at Pragati maidan and ensured I didn't miss the Delhi bhel or the Chole kulche. The kulche reminded me of khaboos somehow. Eating from a stall is surely fun,  as trickles of sweat make their trail on your face.




I visited India gate early in the day,  and there was so much crowd.  Families with kids,  couples,  large group of friends and lot of tourists. Everyone seemed more busy  taking a selfie rather than seeing the place.  There were those young photographers who walked around with fancy dslr and an album to show you how they will click fancy pictures of you.  I was travelling solo and got asked by few of them if I would avail the service.  I said no because,  well,  I would also resort to taking a selfie! The place fills you with a sense of pride and the magnanimous structure has such a humbling effect.  There were hawkers selling toys,  chai,  snacks and more.  At 11 in the morning, I decided it was time to try the Delhi golgappas. They put cubes of alu with chat masala instead of mashing it.  I proudly conclude that phuchkas are any day better than golgappas or pain puris. There is something about the mashed alu that is magical. Post work I had decided to also visit Humayuns tomb. Am glad I did so because it brought back memories of my history classes.  My best friend became my Redmi 2 and it did a fair job of taking good pics of the tomb. 


Being in Delhi,  I did the most obvious trips.  One to Sarojini Nagar market and the other to Delhi haat. Sarojini Nagar market reminded me of the hawkers at Gariahat in Kolkata. Felt like a college girl taking immense pleasure in bargaining,  buying chut put stuff and also falling prey to the line,  "Madam,  boni nahin hui (haven't sold first fare of the day)". You walk and walk till your legs feel like dead... almost dead. The loot here has to be all the colourful earrings. I went to Delhi haat where a women's craft mela was happening and this instantly reminded me of Dastkar.  Lot of similar artisans and their work. The significant other rarely asks for anything to buy.  This time there was a request for the Panipat pachranga pickle and I did finally find it.  While shopping was fun,  seeing Ira flaunt the Sarojini Nagar market goggles was priceless!



I love food and while I  travel,  I like to try local food.  Was told that I must try the Paranthas and so,  a holy visit to Moolchand Parantha was made and mind you,  I was in heaven and I sinned happily.  The aloo pyaaz parantha was to die for and the meal was complete with the sweet matka lassi that had an inch of cream on top.  The melting butter,  the Green chutney and the green chilli pickle just added to the sinful experience. I also tried the famous sweet potato with nimbu and chat masala. Yummyness!



The city has a vibe about it that is intriguing.  The old parts of the city,  the institutions,  the crowd and the rush.  I also had very helpful taxi bhaiyas.  One Tiwari Ji took the pain to tell me a bit about all the roads we travelled through.  He told me about the colleges,  high Court,  hospitals,  malls,  how some colony roads are not meant for aam junta, how the political regimes have changed the face of Delhi .. Just about everything.  He was from Bihar and had made Delhi his home.  A storyteller, who also worked on a Sunday because his boss asked him to. When I thanked him end of day,  he said,  "aapko bhi dhanyawaad".


Friday, October 14, 2016

Happy holidays the Ira way!


Ira is finishing her first Dussehra vacation in a few days. And this vacation was about doing new things,  meeting people and discovering jalebi.


We took her to her favourite Park, also to the mall play area which is now a familiar terrain. We also went to some new parks and she had her first mini train ride and one of those adventure fun- rides that goes high up in the air and come down and goes round and round! Considering I have no clue what it's called,  I will let it be. Ira when high up in the air tells me,  "mamma,  can't see papa! I see sky". The racing heart, the excited screams and the grin said it all.

We also went to the puja pandal and she happily played with a new balloon each day, posed in her new clothes, blew bubbles and ate jalebi for the first time ever.  The puja was about meeting a lot of friends.  She met ashu and gugul and stuti didi. She of course decided to carry Chandra mashi handbag to school and trotted with it.  A phase when she loves all the attention she is getting and all the people around her.

 We visited a friend who kept the dussehra dolls and the highlight of this visit has to be ira conversing with the new dadu (the friend's dad) who made things out of paper that absolutely delighted her.

 The vacation still has a few days to go.  Mamma is travelling and Papa and Ira have some plans in place.  And oh ya,  we yet to start on her worksheets for the holiday,  vacation project that she has to submit!

But for now,  it's chatter about all the people she met,  the balloons that are now used skillfully for balloon fights,  eating milkmaid from the can for the first  time and which Park is she visiting next. Toddler hood is a no- blink,  no-stop,  no-silent phase and we are living it vicariously through all the activities of our little toddler.

Happy holidays for sure! But can't wait for school to begin. 

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Mustafa bhai aur biryani!





Landed in a new city,
Awed by its sprawling roads.
Commuted through choc-a-block traffic,
Met people of all shades and hue.
Busy work filled days and evenings to explore.
Rains play spoilsport,
Yet can't dampen my spirits.
Walked through the streets of Charminar,
The bangles, jootis and the lights are a charm.
Had the famous biryani from Shah Ghouse
and experienced the fine dine moment at Ohri's.

One thing will be etched in memory forever.
That one taxi ride and the conversation,
With Mr. Mustafa, the Cab driver in question.
Shares with us his story, his work in Dubai
And the choice to come back 'home'.
Stressed how family comes first,
We can yearn for other luxuries and such.
Spoke about the roads,  the politics and the hyderabadi biryani.
The impeccable English,
The gentlemanly behavior,
The humane thinking.
A journey well taken, lessons learnt.

Hyderabad in those four days was perfectly this,
"Mustafa bhai aur biryani! ".

#Traveltales #Hyderabad #Biryani #Cabstories

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Panelists, please note!



Saturday, 23rd July 2016

Personal Relations Council of India, Bangalore Chapter was celebrating Daughter's Day.

The theme of the event was, "Because I am a girl..".

I was invited to be a panelist thanks to Sushma Balu. (Do read her fabulous blog- www.missbalu.blogspot.in)



Being a panelist is a job of responsibility. In my opinion, it requires some preparation , an open mindedness and acceptance that there will be varied and drastic opinions on the panel that you may or may not adhere to. So, on my part...I did a bit of reading up about policies for girls at national and state level. Tried to understand the implementation process and the snags. I always feel that there is so much to learn and so much to know. The morning arrived, and I went to the venue dragging (literally) my leg. The entry to rangasthala (Rangoli Metro Art Centre) is at one end and it is a long stretch of walk when you have a ligament tear. Prashant, Ira and Savita came along.

As the panel discussion was underway, some tips that I learnt from panelists over the years came to mind and sharing them here.

Five things when you are a panelist:

1. Keep self promotion to a minimum. The moderator has already introduced you.
2. Answer the questions posed to you.
3. Let the other panelists speak. Do not cut them in. No one gets an award for bad behaviour.
4. Come. Prepared. Do some background reading.
5. Open mindedness and acceptance that there will be varied and drastic opinions on the panel that you may or may not adhere to.

Post that hour of discussion, headed home feeling a Saturday morning was interestingly spent. The best part of the day was Ira sitting in the audience and saying,  "Yaay Mamma!", each time I had the mike. 

Friday, September 23, 2016

Where are you?


Mamma travels. Papa manages home and Ira and they both have super fun. Four days now and Mamma can't wait to get home.  What is constant in these four days are the little conversations with Ira.


Ira: where are you mamma?
Me: hotel
Ira: taking Ben the plane
(she wants to know if am in cab,  hotel,  plane or at work each time we speak during the course of the day)
Me: yes mona, today evening
Ira: hmmm.  Mamma in hyderabad
Me: hmmm. Silent nod
Ira: hear me? (can you hear me?)
Me: yes babu. I can hear you
Ira: OK mamma.  Come home. Meet Ira. Okay! Love you. Miss you.  Bye

Moments like this you want to drop everything you are doing and rush home.  Moments like this you realise your little baby is growing up.  Moments like this you are glad for all the 'spousal support' (cliché).

Ira and Ira ke Papa,  you both are rockstars I say.  Can't wait to be home.  <3 p="">

Friday, September 16, 2016

Suicide -Making sense of the Science & Signs







“She was such a spirited girl and had such leadership qualities. Cannot believe that she committed suicide.” “He was such a talented man and always so happy. Don’t know what drove him to take the extreme step.” These typical reactions show surprise and despair, bringing to the fore the curious case of—why do people who seem so successful commit suicides?



An act of ‘Suicide’ impacts the individual, the family, the community and the world at large. September 10th is celebrated as World Suicide Prevention Day. Across the world, communities are gearing up to organize awareness camps, talks and drives, across schools, colleges and the society at large.



Suicide is globally the second leading cause of death among people in the age range of 15-29 years, reported the World Health Organisation in 2014. In India, the number of suicide deaths in this range is really high – 40% of suicide deaths in men and 56% of suicide deaths in women occurs during this time period, as reported in the 2012 Million Death Study in India. The WHO member countries have come together to put into motion, strategies to work towards suicide prevention in a more proactive manner, with a goal to reduce the incidence of suicides by at least 10% by 2020.



There are various risk factors to suicide. At the individual level, it is important to understand the subtle aspects of the mental health of the person, previous episodes of depression or anxiety; stress, pain related issues or substance abuse; family history of suicide and also family/relation based conflicts, genetic and biological factors. Dr. Dean Burnett, Guardian Science Blogger and Psychiatry tutor at Cardiff University brings to fore two important aspects of financial success and self-criticism. Dr. Burnett says that, “The capitalist and economic emphasis of much of modern society means that people are expected to show worth and acquire value, largely by financial means. The emphasis on this, coupled with the economic restrictions and transfer of wealth to the already wealthy, may well lead to increased despair, depression, futility, feelings of worthlessness etc., all of which can be strong factors in suicide.” He further adds that when people see how much others are achieving and become acutely aware of their own failings and limitations, people feel despondent and self-critical. All these can be factors that lead to suicide.



Prof. Nalini Dwarakanath, Counselling Psychologist & Therapist at the Centre for Counselling & Support, Indian Institute of Science cites various reasons that drive students to suicide in a competitive academic environment. The challenges of competition, the peer pressure, the stress of deadlines and the inability to cope often result in students experiencing low self-esteem and anxiety, coupled with self-doubt. The role of the institute in setting up a support system is vital here.  It is essential to do away with the stigma attached and encourage students to approach the on-campus counselling centre when they experience distress. Orienting new students to the campus culture, challenges of the academic environment and the available support system go a long way in helping those who experience stress and low self-esteem.  She says it is essential to believe that, “Help is available and every issue can be resolved. There is a solution for each and every problem.”



Can the science of suicides be explained in such a simple manner, just delineating the signs? While there are checklists that may help us understand whether a person could be prone to suicides, many a times people do not show any prior symptoms. In such cases, suicides may be impulsive, rather than a meticulously planned action. The recent incident of a Bangalore based theatre person ‘researching’ on ‘ways to die’ for over 48 hours prior to taking the plunge from a multi-storey building once again raised questions as to what can the community do to reach out to such individuals. A compassionate, thoughtful and human approach is essential. In a time and age when we are so engulfed in our own lives, it is essential to know people around us, to know our neighbours, to know ourselves.



How do we prevent suicides in communities? “One obvious method is to be available to people. Don't close others off or dismiss their concerns for reasons which may seem more important at the time. It's when people feel the most hopeless that they can be so vulnerable to suicidal thinking, so providing a space or at least the opportunity to find someone sympathetic to talk to, or even just someone enquiring as to their wellbeing, can be a big help”, says Dr. Dean Burnett.


There are various suicide helplines in India, some of which work 24*7. The SAHAI helpline for suicide prevention and emotional distress, set up in 2002 at the Medico Pastoral Association, Bangalore has now over a decade helped people in distress, through telephonic counselling. Mrs. Latha Jacob, Clinical Manager at the Medico Pastoral Association, talks about the role of suicide helpline in managing depression and preventing suicides.


“In the present societal scenario of need for instant gratification, helplines are useful for anyone who need information urgently or need to communicate distress. The role of suicide prevention helpline is primarily to provide an avenue to a person who is experiencing intense psychological pain to express the fears, anger or grief he/she may be going through”, said Mrs Jacob in an interview. “This also facilitates ventilation of the deep sadness, feeling of helpless emotions that a person with depression may be experiencing. A few pertinent questions will help the counselors at a helpline to identify the features of depression and help the caller to get the help they require.”


While we ponder about lives lost to suicide; let us work together to understand the signs, recognise the call for help, provide support and wash away the associated stigma. This is a battle that the community has to come forward to fight together, because even in their moment of greatest fear and despair, no one is really alone; someone somewhere is in their thoughts.


Suicide Helplines in India

·         SAHAI, Bangalore: 080-25497777

·         The Samaritans Mumbai: 022 3247-3267

·         Aasra Suicide Prevention Centre, Mumbai : 022-27546669

·         Sneha Suicide Helpline, Chennai:  044 - 24640050, 044 – 24640060

·         iCALL (a venture by TISS) : 022-25563291

·         Sumaitri Crisis Intervention Centre, Delhi :011-23389090







P.S: This piece was written a year back with an intention to publish it somewhere. Well, that never happened. So, here it finds a place on my blog. I am thankful to Dr. Dean Burnett, Mrs. Latha Jacob and Prof. Nalini Dwarakanath for their interactions and thoughts. Thank you to Sandhya Sekar who helped with the edits.












Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Pink, Puja, Play...... Pramadh



The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of celebrations at JH. As parents, it has meant that we ensure Ira is in the 'directed' outfits (traditional clothes are the norm on festive days) and that has resulted in creative fusion solutions, frantic buys and happy camera moments. For Ira, in several ways, it has been the opening up of a whole new world. There has been some confusions, some adamant Ira moments and some moments of pure bliss.


PINK


Ira has discovered a love for her purple and pink shoes (which she chose over red ones in the store); We have successfully put together a pink ensemble for her - matching- matching head to toe! The priceless moment was getting a compliment from a friend, whose daughter is almost always impeccably attired in coordinated clothes. We have always been very conscious about ensuring a gender neutral colour wardrobe for her, which meant that she has lots of blues and greys too, amidst the yellows, greens, reds and pinks. She has recently taken a liking to somethings pink- like the pink bike or a pink rainbow top and we have gone with the flow.

The various festive celebrations at school were accompanied by 'Puja' in some form. For Ira, this is an alien concept as we do not have any idols at home or the concept of puja. So, when asked to put a kumkum tika or eat Prasad, she rubbed the tika from her forehead and refused the sweet. We primarily think it is the unfamiliarity of the act. What is interesting is the school teachers telling us (in an apologetic tone) that she didn't want it or that she cried when they were all asked to specifically sit in a room where Puja was being performed. We told them that all this is new for her and we are absolutely fine (her Papa being the most happy) if she doesn't follow these. While her behaviour or our reactions are not the norm that is expected, we do hope that we will have the freedom to do as we please. Which means, they don't force Ira to do things she doesn't and we are not expected to instruct her to follow those rituals. In the future, it is possible that Ira may choose a 'faith' that she may follow and may become ritualistic in her own way, and she would have the freedom to make that choice. We have not assigned her a religion in her birth certificate (Details and more in an upcoming blog post).

PUJA


The last few weeks have also been her initiation into playdates and mall play spaces (for the first time ever!!!). I am discovering the daunting task that Mammas have today of planning play dates and such. When we were kids, we played on the house street with what we had. Today, with growing nuclear families, unless you have friends in your apartment, your child is surrounded by adults. These playdates are a fabulous way to get them to meet their class friends in different environments. The WhatsApp group of mommies that seemed like the most natural thing to do, has actually become a form of social support. Clarifying what day is being celebrated, does the bandh affect the school, when is the PTM etc etc. One of the biggest positives is, in the course of things, I have met some amazing moms and found new friends sharing quirky common interests (again a topic for a solo blog post)! It has been a revelation seeing Ira in the new play spaces. The mall was like an overload of things to do and she was wanting to do everything at the same time. We of course discovered the immense energy they have to keep doing the same thing again and again- when rotating, revolving, running and jumping across soft terrains seemed like the biggest life goals. Play dates help immensely develop a childs' interpersonal skills and we are just glad that we jumped on the band wagon. Ira and we of course are partial to the parks and natural spaces, where picking stones and cleaning the area with a twig is like a mission for her. Ira  for sometime when asked her school name, would actually say, "Cubbon Park"!


PLAY


Lingering in all these, have been the 'Pramadh' moments that we have observed, ably demonstrated by our 27 month old. When asked her name, Ira almost always tells her full name, "Ira Pramadh"(while we gloat beside her). What we have also realised is that she seems to have a very strong sense of yes or no. She loves nature and dogs and climbing mini hillocks; and doing things her Mamma perceives as risky, like clinging onto a ball swing and swinging. Irrespective of the activity or the place, the keen interest to know what is in the snack box. The eagerness to demonstrate the new things she has learnt. While her learning curve has been steep, the absorption of the same has been a steeper curve for us. Whether it is walking through a book aisle and shouting, "Papa, see FROJEN" or telling us, "Okay Guys! Look at me, I will now sing Ring-a ring-a roses" or reasoning, "....because I like...". I for sure will not disagree with Ms. Pramadh. So, adios till tales of tomorrow!


PRAMADH



An Ode to the Gen Z

 To my Students- Past, Present and Future                                              These two frames adorn a wall in my home, a constant ...