Dadu gave that to ME!

She teaches him how to put Piku to bed. She goes with him on his walks. She rushes to the door to help him with his lunchcase and then drags the bag all the way to the kitchen. She fights with him when he refuses to give her a chocolate because too much chocolate is not good. She likes to eat the same 'saulty' bikki that he does. When annoyed with him, she refuses a hug. She also likes muskmelon, like him. She licks the cream in the biscuit and then offers the empty biscuit to him and then is sad when he says he doesn't eat sweet biscuits. Today, he accompanied her and Mamma to her doc visit. A five day viral that refused to go away. Urghhh, hate these bugs. Post her blood test, she cried and told him her hand hurts. He promised her a chocolate and there, the magic words were spoken. Tears forgotten, she lay her head on his lap on the way home. On being dropped home, an enthusiastic and vehement "Bye Dadu" happened. Loud enough for the whole apartment to hear. She ate a part of the dairy milk and has stored it in the fridge for the next day. Almost like guarding her treasure, she told me, "Dadu gave that to ME"!

#love #grandparents #grandparentsareprecious #dadu #gratitude #Ira #Iraisms #TalesAtThree

The days I lost to fear!

I have often been told that I write only happy things, positive things. My take is that finding happiness is a state of mind and to see the positive in the most trying situation is also a state of mind. It sure has helped me keep my sanity. What am sharing today is about a very deep fear, is about one of my most vulnerable moments in recent times. Is there a positive out of this? There is. I believe all stories need to be told and here I draw deep strength to share about the days I lost to fear.

2017 began for me on a new note. I am making conscious efforts to work on some of my weaknesses and learn from them. Learning to say no has been one of my biggest learnings this year (a dedicated blog post to that another day). The last two months saw my health go through a roller coaster ride, awful wheezing that affected my daily activities. Thanks to a  referral from a close friend, I met a new pulmonologist. I was told how my last ten years medication was primarily steroids , that in the long run has impacted my health in multiple ways. A new regime of meds and a healthier life style and I am all set to take care of my lungs and breathe easy.

Sometime in august, I had some vaginal bleeding and promptly met my gynaecologist. Post an initial examination, I was asked to take the pap smear in a few weeks to rule out any infection or cancerous cells. The doc assured me that I had nothing to worry but that the test was a precautionary thing. I have family history, where my dida (maternal grandmother) succumbed to cancer and my baba is a cancer survivor. Baba is one of the strongest people I know and I owe any iota of resilience that I show in difficult times to him. Yes, the C word. Right out of that closet sprung at me my greatest fear. What if? What if the genes caught up? What if I have it? What if it's incurable. What if I die? When I look back now, they seem like the most bizarre and irrational thoughts. I was shocked at how vulnerable I felt. 

But at that moment, rationality flew out the window. I went from being and wanting to be all strong to weepy and messy in the head. I lost sleep, had nightmares of the worst kind. I almost thought I was indispensable and this can't happen to me. I wanted to see Ira grow up, I wondered what P and she would do, I wondered what would my parents and brother do, I thought about my closest circle. 

The two things that kept me sane was P's humor in dealing with the situation and my work. Amidst busy consulting work, I coordinated the WiSER event, stood for the alumni association elections, travelled on work and attended meets. I also wrote in my day to day journal. Guess, that five year journal, a line a day will make some reading in five years.

At one point of time, when I was freaking out that the results were delayed, my significant other messaged me,  "U aren't dying on me so quickly. I won't let u." Words fail if I have to express what that msg did to me, I just for those few minutes felt, it will all be fine. I just knew for the nth time that this is what love is all about.

I spent a lot of time thinking, mulling over the most mundane things, there were little sparks of feeling brave and strong gushes of despair. This was even while I was awaiting the results. I was also mentally preparing myself on how I would deal with the result, either way. Making Plan B, C and Z.

My results came out last week- negative for malignancy. Heart did that little dance, the mind went calm. P of course was confident that there was nothing wrong. 

I realised at that moment what fear can do, anticipating the worst completely kills the present. I know many may have gone through such moments of fear. I know it's hard and I want all of us to know and believe that it is fine to feel that vulnerable, that broken and that scared. It is even more scarier to accept that you felt this vulnerable and weak and there is that moment of hesitation about whether you want to share what you felt and went through . 

If my results were anything else, I may have been writing a different post. 

For now, I am grateful for the life I have, I am thankful for my child, my partner, my family and my friends. 2017 has been a multi-fold lesson in gratitude and I will pass that on. Let's be thankful for all the love, health and happiness we have in life. Let us also be thankful for the hardships and the challenges. Because they all coexist, making their appearance sometimes in turn, sometimes in tandem.

For all the days I lost in fear, I look forward to the days ahead filled with renewed hope and acceptance for what lies ahead. What more can I ask for.

#life #fear #vulnerability #acceptance #gratitude #love #cancer

Finding the 'Teacher' in me

I love teaching. Period.

What as a child was a game comprising of a blackboard, chalk pieces and imaginary students grew to be something I innately enjoy. I love teaching. Teaching in its rawest, purest form. I discovered the love for teaching during my sociology classes at MCC when we had to present on small topics and literally, teach the class that topic. Then during the course of PhD, my Professor gave me the opportunity to do a few MDP (Management Development Program) sessions. Sir is a fabulous teacher and I have never known anyone teach HRM the way he does; I realise that a lot of techniques I use are what I learnt by observing him. I will be eternally grateful to him for that (But I have to muster up the courage to share this blog piece with him).

I walked into the world of training and coaching almost accidentally. For a few months, I trained students in English for a competitive law exam at a coaching centre. For me, it was about going back to Wren and Martin and reliving the fabulous English classes held at the rock, by my school English teacher. Then, I slowly moved on to do more trainings in various HRM topics and also my research area - Work Life Balance. Working with corporates and academic institutions have their own flavor and their own challenges and adapting to that is a new learning for me each time.

Post PhD, my first Job was with an academic institution and primarily focusing on research and MDPs. Here, I did sessions for scientists and for labor managers and sessions for people at the grass root level. Some of my best field work experiences were at Assam and Nilgiris and these sessions were an integral part of that. 

Over the years, I have now begun teaching a gamut of topics from communications to mentoring to personality, motivation and leadership; and also work life balance, gender sensitization and research methodology to name a few more!

Some teaching experiences of course remain special and my one such experience has to be taking the complete Behavioral Science course at DoMS, IISc a few years back. I thank the professor who gave me that opportunity. I loved Wednesdays and waited for my session (Imagine a teacher saying that:)). A fabulous bunch of energetic and enterprising students, some of whom were kind to mail and wish me today and for sure made my day! From using case studies to analysing a session topic using a famous movie, the course saw me explore new avenues of teaching. I learnt as much as I taught. This has to be my most favorite teaching experience to date! But wait, another outscores it.

I love the way am a teacher to Ira at some precious moments when am teaching her something. It could be how to do some craft with cotton, make book marks, paint with veggies, tell stories, ...just about anything!

Finding the 'Teacher' in me has been the most overwhelming thing because it makes me happiest when am teaching. I have been lucky to have some fabulous teachers from school, college and institute, some who have taught me and some with whom I have interacted over activities and other things. I have learnt so much from everyone , that it cannot be summed up in a few lines. I am eternally grateful to each of my teachers. They have impacted my life and helped me impact the lives of others in many many ways. 

As I write this post, am in Mumbai prepping for a session on Personality tomorrow. Am thrilled and the 'Teacher in me' is doing a happy dance!

Happy Teacher's Day world!

#teacher #teachersday #loveteaching

Vote for me!

Sometimes,  I guess it is fine to use your personal blog to also do some PR for you. So,  here is my Vote appeal letter to all IISc Alumni.

Dear IIScAA Members,

Greetings!

I am Madhurima Das, currently the Joint Secretary of the IISc Alumni Association. I am contesting for elections again for the Post of Member- Executive Committee. I am writing in this email to seek your support and your valuable votes. I have over the years interacted with many of you as a student and then as an alumni. I hold all those discussions, guidance and thoughts to be of immense importance and that will guide me further to contribute to the association activities.

I completed my PhD from the Dept. of Management Studies, IISc and graduated in 2013. I am a proud alumna and I feel my alma mater has been responsible for giving me many opportunities to grow as an individual and in my career.

In the year 2015, I took the step to move from being an active student to wanting to also be active in the alumni association affairs by nominating myself for the post of Joint Secretary. I won the elections, garnering a large number of votes and am grateful to everyone who supported me in the endeavour. Over the last two years, I was a part of several initiatives like the networking meets, science forum lectures, panel discussions and one of my biggest achievement would be that for the first time in the history of the association, an event was conceived focusing on Women, to mark Women’s day. Aptly termed, WiSER- Women in Science, Engineering and Research. The WiSER Conclave 2016 helped us set up a corpus fund to organise an event every year. This was possible thanks to the immense support and guidance from IFF and senior women faculty members. The event saw its second edition this August, where we delved on the role of education and women empowerment.

Being a part of the Office Bearers for two years was an immense learning experience and I hope to translate that further to create more new initiatives and take the lead and organise them during this next term. It will be with a sense of gratitude and a will to provide my services to this esteemed institution that I would like to nominate myself for the post of Executive Committee- Member, of the Alumni Association.

I believe that it is essential to be a part of the team and make every effort to help the association grow, sustain and reach newer heights. Every little step helps the association reach a new milestone, ensuring both institutional and societal impact. The areas i will focus and work on:

·         Improving the IIScAA membership

·         Continuing WiSER and making it bigger and more impactful

·         Plan and Organize a Gender Sensitization workshop for IISc students, alumni and community

·         Creating a mentorship program bringing young alumni and graduating students on a common platform

·         Creating an event focusing on health and wellness

·         Creating an entrepreneurial networking event bringing together IISc alumni who are entrepreneurs

I have the ability to deliver and have the requisite skills to work with a diverse and virtual team. I thank everyone who guided and supported me in my last term as Joint Secretary and I seek all your support again to be able to contribute to the IISc Alumni Association.

#gratitude #doyourbit #alumnimatters #voteappeal 

Thank you

Warm Regards

Madhurima Das

9972453072

https://www.linkedin.com/in/madhurimadas/

Mamma, I am sorry I got fever

Driving away the fever blues by being little miss curious!

Sometimes some small things the little human beings in your life tell you that are sure to remain with you forever. Ira is down with fever and cough last two days. She is clingy,  weepy and wants to have her own way. It's physically and   emotionally exhausting. With both Mamma and Papa being busy with work, she actually accompanied Papa to his meetings yesterday. They did have a little fight over a lollypop and she told him how he is not her best friend. She also diligently complained to me about him the moment they picked me up post my meetings.
Then when I was putting her to bed in the afternoon,  she tells me,  "Mamma, I am sorry I got fever". I just had to pause a minute and let that sink in. Sharing this with friends,  we all realised how kids are so perceptive to the emotions we experience and exhibit. How they are sensitive to a moment that is hard for them and for us. How they see us concerned and even for that bit feel responsible. It could be a myriad of things.
What remains with me is that look and those words from my precious. Even as I give myself solace stating how these fevers and coughs and colds will help build her immunity; I wish they go away soon! And am sure every parent at some point has made that wish.
#Iraisms #Ira #gratitude #happyparenting #Precious #heartmelting #TalesAtThree #littlehumanbeings 

Celebrating 'Freedom', the Ira-way

Dear Ira,

It has been a while since I have written a letter to you. It is also a year since I first wrote to you about our Independence Day and the meaning of  'Freedom'.
Papa also shared his thoughts on freedom with you and urged you to 'fight' for it.

                                                                  #FreedomtoBe

A year now and while the fundamental thought remains the same, the boundaries of the definition somehow has expanded. You turned three recently and with it we also discovered new emotions that you now feel, that you now express quite vehemently and new actions that you display.

1. Freedom to Express
We always strive to give you the freedom to express what you feel. As parents, traversing the so called moral pathway, while we need to ensure that you are polite, we also encourage you to say what's on your mind. This is essential for you and every little and big human being around. So, when you say you don't love us in a moment of despair at the refused toy or you call Papa a 'monster', we feel happy because you are blatantly expressing what you feel. We are living in times when this freedom of expression is being challenged and we hope it doesn't get any worse in the times to come.

2. Freedom to Say No and Protest
The last few months have been an eye opening experience, because you have begun to say no and protest and how! The protest is often accompanied by a loud cry, a few moments when no reason works and kinaesthetic expressions rise. You protest when we say no to an extra muffin or at times insist that you wind your work up. Always remember that we may or may not agree to you on several things as you grow up. You may feel the urge to protest, to reason , to state your stance and you must know today, that you will always have the freedom to say no and protest. While the parent in us may be annoyed, worried and disappointed, always remember that 'to protest is your choice and your right'. Always remember that your consent is yours and no one can take it away from you. The entire aspect of consent is more complex and warranties a complete post someday; for now, just remember that, "It is fine to say no to your parents and the world".

3. Freedom to Choose
You now make choices- big and small. What to wear, what you would like to take for snacks to school (only condition being fruits), whether the hairband or the clip as an accessory that day, which book to read, which activity to do at home, whether you want 'alu bhaja' or 'alu bhate' (potato fry or mashed potato), whether you decide to wear a 'normal' dress on a day when the school wants traditional attire, whether you want to go down and play in the evenings or not. As you assert your freedom to choose, it is a big lesson for us to learn to step back and let you be. So, the world doesn't end if you wear uncoordinated clothes to school, if you want muskmelon three days a week, if you choose to stay at home and play by self, if you go down to the apartment play space and choose not to speak a word to anyone, if you choose to wear 3-4 clips and a hairband the same day. These may seem small choices but these help you take the initiative and help you assert your freedom. As enthusiastic parents, we like to sometimes control and create that perfect FB pic, but we all know how many shots that usually takes :)

4. Freedom to Express Love the way you want to
Papa or Mamma: "Why do you want this Ira?"
Ira: "Because I love it"
The 'It' could be anything- animate, inanimate, food, toy, books, the limited screen time.
Papa or Mamma: "I love you Ira"
Ira, some days...: "I love you too"
Ira, most days...: No response. Stoic silence
The freedom to love and the freedom to express it is important. Prashant and I have always encouraged hugs, kisses and expressions of love. Ira, you are very expressive, albeit in your comfort zones and with some people. There are days when multiple hugs and group hugs happen and there are days when you refuse to hug. We are particular to let you know that you have the choice to hug or not to hug. It is beyond annoying when a child is forced to hug, because we at that split second are disrespecting their freedom and their physical space. What we have discovered is that your greatest way to express love is when you share the 'mishit doi' (sweet curd) with us. Love cant get more simple and sweet.


5. Freedom to 'Be'
All choices and notions of freedom will fade into oblivion if we don't let you be. So, this overrides everything. You some days choose to be a baby as you wake up and want more cuddles. Some days,you are the brave little girl who gets up from a fall, says ,"This is jujube" and moves on. Some days, you are supergirl, with all the superpowers in the world and some days, you are the little one we brought home, wondering how you have changed us forever.

So, as India celebrates her birthday today, let us celebrate another year of discovering the myriad notions of freedom.

Love you,
Your Mamma


#Ira #Iraisms #TalesAtThree #CelebratingFreedom #FreedomtoExpress #FreedomtoSayNoandProtest #FreedomtoChoose #FreedomtoExpressLovethewayyouwantto #Freedomto'Be'
#FreedomfromGenderNorms
#CreativeFreedom
#Freedomtohaveandshowoffthatsuperpower
#FreedomtobeSelf

That little pink flower

Been a while since I have written,  thanks to a monstrous writers block hovering around. However,  clicked this pic on Wednesday and it warranted that I put all those dancing thoughts in my mind to paper, I mean the blog! Let's make it a 'Filmy Friday'.

These days, there is a particular part of the day that I find immensely interesting because it unearths fascinating new moments. Ira has now slowly begun to make friends in the apartment and we go down every (almost) evening for 30-45 minutes at least to play. She takes the balance bike, bat and ball,  badminton and the shuttlecock. She takes with her what fancies her that day. Some days she just randomly walks a few rounds, collects tiny stones,  bird feathers and flowers.  She doesn't talk much to the kids around,  in fact most times does her own thing or admires them doing their own thing. She plays with a few of them,  one particular Didi to keeps the bachcha parties entertained. She plays with Prashant and me. And yes,  she did play laggori with P,  another dad and the other kids one evening.
I love this time of the day because Ira plays,  we play and it entails a lot of random musings. On Wednesday, she suddenly hot two flowers and said one was for Papa and one for me and then when I put it in my hair, she smiled and said,  Mamma you are looking so beautiful. Precious,  heart melting moment. Wish the picture could capture every ounce of that emotion.  And ofcourse,  that little pink flower is my current favorite flower.
#Iraisms #Ira #gratitude #happyparenting #Precious #heartmelting #TalesAtThree #sayitwithaflower

Bees Saal Baad (20 years later)

  **Nithin Sagi creates magic and captures the afternoon beautifully in these pictures

When you relive memories, old time jokes and try to catch up on the twenty years gone by in the span of one cacophonic Sunday afternoon.
Recently,  a very diligent NPS classmate of ours formed a WhatsApp group and invited everyone. We all added whoever we were in touch with and soon it was a large WhatsApp group with all of us having stories and memories of school,  vibrant and in every hue. As happens with newly formed groups,  we also decided to have a mini reunion in Bangalore with almost 50% of us being here. After some intensive and exhausting planning and a pick of lots by a resourceful mom's kids,  we decided to meet at Miller's 46 this afternoon.

All the planning, discussion and decisions came together symbiotically as the afternoon unveiled. 12 of us made it for the meet. One of them deserves a special mention because he just flew down from UK today and made the effort to join in. Well,  actions do speak louder than words.

We shared stories of what we all did post school,  what we are doing now,  spouses,  kids,  passion and midlife crisis. We spoke about our teachers and the absentees at lunch with vehement enthusiasm. We surely brought the house down with our boisterous conversations and loud laughs. Lunch was followed by some delectable desserts at a cafe and more gupshup. We did leave today with a plan to meet again soon! And I sure can't wait.

Bees Saal Baad... Life came a full circle.

#schoolfriends #reunion #memories #stories #NPSites

The inconsequential existence

The abuse that women face,  be it emotional, physical or sexual is a multilayer phenomena. This poem is an attempt to delve into the mind of a woman undergoing abuse and has been written as part of the Women's Web blogathon on #ALetterToHer.

The silent glares

Hitting every fibre of my being

The hurtful words

Breaking every spirited moment

The invisible shackles

Binding my dreams

The unsaid rules

Bending every glimmer of hope

The darkness within

Dissolving the person I was

The wisp of air

The frightened quiver

The tear-filled eyes

Hands that shiver

Clammy feet

Uneven heartbeat

Moment of despair

The inconsequential existence

The rules of 'no'

Tying every action to the roots

No place for consent

Quieten the muffled voices

Never treated like a human

An object of disection and persuasion

Even screams found unworthy

Of a lending ear

Time stood still

Clasping frail hands cry in agony

The descending plethora of grey

Wiping out my passive existence

Moment by moment

Action by action

Stare by stare

#ALetterToHer

I have been reading about  Meena Kandasamy’s new book, When I Hit You  (bit.ly/Meenabk2) and would like to read a copy of it because I feel that it is a story every women must read. Many women around deal with abuse on a daily basis. Some are often not even aware that it is abuse. Abuse is a silent killer,  killing the spirit of women. I hope that this book will also give strength to women who are dealing with abuse. Because, nothing is more powerful than one woman standing up for another and resonating the strength together.

So many stories untold

What a day this has been.  Met someone special today at Claytopia , Koramangala (a beautiful Cafe) whose work I have been following for a few years now. She personifies grace and humility and all that you read about her is what you see when you meet her in person. Sunita, just so glad that we met today before you embark on your new journey. And needless to say,  am glad another 'labour of love' from Indian Yards has found a place in our home. Also, it was absolutely fabulous to have met some more amazing women doing wonderful work and making a difference to the lives of people around.

Travelling across town is like an adventure. This meet up was followed by a visit to Sutradhar,  Indiranagar with a few friends to do some shopping for the 'little girl' at home. A historic day indeed. Bought Ira her first ever doll. Also bought a book about a dolphin called Ira.  Met Sujani, my MSc junior, who is an educator at a city school today after 13years. It's always wonderful to have friends who share interests that are varied and yet there is a common connect,  a common thread,  a common tale. An impromptu lunch plan at Sumit and Jyoti 's place, along with Sonali (thanks to whom we made it to Sutradhar today) and Priya,  and some fun adult time chatting about little human beings and all that they do.

I also took the metro today from ulsoor to goraguntepalya, with a change at majestic. Got my first metro card,  took that feel good selfie and got home in flat 37 minutes, travelling across town.
Prashant had a busy work day and Ira was picked up from school by her Dadu. While I wait to hear from them about their day,  I can't wait to tell and show them how my day was. I also can't wait to see how Ira reacts to her doll.
It was a day of inspiration and reflection,  a day of blissful Happy moments!
#friendsmeet #womenwhoinspire #books #firstdollforIra #Iraisms #Ira #adolphinnamedIra #TalesAtThree

Tale of two little girls, this Father's day

My Baba strongest, is all I know
Be it rain, storm or uncertainty galore
The line inspires lifelong for sure
*****************************************
You are the best dad in the whole world
Says Ira with sunshine innocence
The magic lifeline for daughter diaries
*****************************************
We are their 'little girls'
Happy and Proud like the spring blossom
Stories etched in hearts forever
*****************************************
#Baba #Papa #Father'sDay2017 #TalesatThree #microblogging  #happiness #bliss #gratitude