Love yourself for what you are...a whole lot of bull shit...

I recount the innumerable times when we are taught since childhood that we should be happy the way we are; accept ourselves and others the way they are...a whole lot of bull shit this is...

Whoever says that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder is fooling the self and the world. There is this standard of beauty that every normal human being wants to attain and envies if it is in others' than them.

Often intangible qualities don't matter, beauty and talent is often what appeals to the damn eyes. a person singing or dancing is talented , thank god for them they have visible talents...Does anyone remember the incident of the China Olympics and how the prettier kid lip synched!Spare the kids for god sake!

If some one tells you, you should have a heart of gold, please do not believe...the world still appreciates the one with the bank balance, their words have more bearing, they hold the greater key to all materialistic happiness. they are tyhe ones who are more serious, your struggles are not noteworthy. Many a times people guffaw at the non lucrative career of a researcher but they will never understand!

Gender, caste, creed, community, language all build invincible barriers, you will be respected for it and hated for it. Your intelligence and your beauty will be a direct relation to it. Eg: A senior in my college once told me "Brahmins are more intelligent". Much hasn't chganged since.Am in a competitive research environment where the so called knowledgeable male colleagues laugh how women researchers get married and get more busy with mother in law issues; then have babies and then research just happens!

The world is beautiful in its hypocritical sense and leaves individuals confused. It is an art that some people learn and some unfortunately never do.

There is too much running on my mind...but why am i even saying this? Bcos time and again, i have had to fight the odds to be myself.
When i was scrawny, people asked my parents if they never fed me?
When i was gawky, i was never chosen for visible acts on stage, it always went to the pretty faces..
I was quite talented, but never star material...
I was inquisitive but reprimanded for asking too many questions...
I am obsessed about details in my work and that is a fallacy- it irritates and instigates people...
Today I am doing what i want to, yet slight reminders always pass about how i could have been financially more secure...
Today i am weightier, actually fat and people tell me"what happened?"...being scrawny suddenly seemed to be good...

Am edgy, am angry, i feel in the dumps at times- bcos we can never be too good for the world...i thought i dont care, but deep within even the not so normal girl in me cares about not being thin anymore...is it the weighing scales that's causing so much upheaval...i do not know...
I am beyond fat days bcos being fat is the fact of my life...but being fat, i realised how insensitive, rude, mean people can be...the snide comments, the polite smiles, the subtle hints- don't take those for granted any more...

I always took my being thin for granted, having been thin for close to 18 yrs of my life:)
wish i had known better!!

P.S: For those of you who even bothered to read the entire post, this is a result of my frame of mind right now; i may be the jubilant self tomorrow...but the demons of 'fatness' may be lurking within!

Comments

maneesh said…
I can never quite understand nor justify this, but we always seem to look to others for acceptance. It's like we look at ourselves through their eyes. And try and measure up. And doubt the sincerity of everyone who thinks otherwise. Like we all want to believe that 'truth implies bitter' is an if-and-only-if statement.

But then I think if you could find one person, with no genetic collateral (like a parent or sibling - selfish gene ideology), who would not bullshit you, tell you to your face what you are and what you are not, and love you just the same and remind you of it once in a while then as far as I'm concerned, all the others could take one long hike with a complementary jump in any large fetid waterbody of their choice...

But then I haven't found anyone like that so that's merely speculation.
Madhurima said…
Well...I have:); but i guess we are still too skeptical to even believe these rare nice-ities in life!
Tin said…
ushushu....somebody is pretty plain peeved, doesn't matter what the world thinks, you gotta be what you gotta be.

P.S.: If the world thought as much as we think it did, the world would then be thoughfully well-off, but then it thinks sufficiently to recognise faults and thoughts of appreciatiation are well removed. In short, the world doesn't give a damn to your existense as long as it doesn't profit from it. So stop thinking that the world actually thinks about you!!!
Madhurima said…
Ah!! That is a myth again...Who is talking of the entire world. look at your own circle of acquaintances, knowledgeable relatives, well meaning friends, concerned family and the answer is there! Saw Barkha Dutts show yesterday on 'fairness' ads...talks about how the entire issue of, "beautiful, fair and slim' is ingrained in the psyche of the society...

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