Thursday, March 24, 2011


Marriage is fun*.

*Conditions apply!

In Sociology classes, I remember studying about the institution of marriage, the various marriage laws and acts and the meaning of the rituals. It is ten years since then and the way marriage is explained, experienced and exalted is no more the same. It is a status aspect (single/married), a parameter of financial standing and social life. It is giving fodder to a whole new wedding planner industry and making big fat weddings with band bajaa, the norm of the day. While legal debates on the importance of marriage continue; society is changing its outlook. A live-in relation is becoming an acceptable practice and marriage is often seen as being overrated. Not being married at 30 is absolutely fine and men are looking at the option of surrogacy to have kids, while women are happy with the evolving scheme of frozen eggs and sperm banks.

Despite social and cultural changes that this institution has seen, it is remarkable how newspapers and magazines find strange meaning in having agony aunt columns dole out courtship and marriage advices. Be it about how to spice up your life; entice your husband all over again; keeping the sex good and mind you, even predicting whether the spouse is having an affair. They have answers for everything; the closet secrets, the perfect kinky drama and the lacy lingerie…not to forget the aroma candles and the light music. They give you scales and they give you scores; they make marriage a rating dependent existence. Do we really need it? Are we fighting the perils of being an overachieving society… we not only want to be the super partners but expect our spouses to be uber-spouses…a perfect 10. We want the marriage to be perfect! What an oxymoron…because someone tell me how do I define perfection.

A recent article said that weight gain, snoring, low ‘together’ time, lack of sexual drive are some of the prominent reasons why the itch that should have come in seven years is a glitch we face in three. My husband brought that article to my notice and thanks to that gallant act; we have had many a humorous conversations. Notwithstanding the fact that I find these articles supremely irritating, I wonder what results would these surveys show in India, considering most of them are based on US or UK sample. After all, our focus on marriage and family has always been more grounded than in many other societies.

Marriage is fun as long as we do not take it too seriously and create a wall of self imposed rules and expectations. Let us not fret and the glitch will stay away. Too much stress and who knows, next they will begin talking about the ten month scratch…ouch!


Pritesh said...

Well written Madz. I agree that sometimes people forget that basic thing: The one you married is your friend too. The way you'd work out things with a friend is the way you'd work out with your spouse. Clear communication is what I think works best, MUCH better than these so called Agony Aunty columns and their advices!

Blue Lily said...

good one Madhu :)

Divya said...

I think it's about time we Indians stopped bashing the western society for our shortcomings. It was scary for me to see the number of friends who have walked out of their marriages in 2010-11....mind you these are "Indians brought up with Indian values"....
Like you rightly said there is no perfect marriage but unless both the partners decide to prioritize their lives marriages anywhere are sure to head South!

Madhurima said...

@Pritesh: so rightly said:) we need to remember the friend we married and communication is the key undoubtedly. like i tell my friends, i dont feel too wifey and neither does Prashant behave all husbandy! makes a world of a difference.
@Kumu: thanks:)
@Divs: sweetie! i am at no point of time blaming the western society. am just saying that most of these studies are US or UK based and i wonder what kinda results will India show:)n u got it bang on...we just need to learn to prioritise, often understand that it is no more just about us:)

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