Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Panelists, please note!



Saturday, 23rd July 2016

Personal Relations Council of India, Bangalore Chapter was celebrating Daughter's Day.

The theme of the event was, "Because I am a girl..".

I was invited to be a panelist thanks to Sushma Balu. (Do read her fabulous blog- www.missbalu.blogspot.in)



Being a panelist is a job of responsibility. In my opinion, it requires some preparation , an open mindedness and acceptance that there will be varied and drastic opinions on the panel that you may or may not adhere to. So, on my part...I did a bit of reading up about policies for girls at national and state level. Tried to understand the implementation process and the snags. I always feel that there is so much to learn and so much to know. The morning arrived, and I went to the venue dragging (literally) my leg. The entry to rangasthala (Rangoli Metro Art Centre) is at one end and it is a long stretch of walk when you have a ligament tear. Prashant, Ira and Savita came along.

As the panel discussion was underway, some tips that I learnt from panelists over the years came to mind and sharing them here.

Five things when you are a panelist:

1. Keep self promotion to a minimum. The moderator has already introduced you.
2. Answer the questions posed to you.
3. Let the other panelists speak. Do not cut them in. No one gets an award for bad behaviour.
4. Come. Prepared. Do some background reading.
5. Open mindedness and acceptance that there will be varied and drastic opinions on the panel that you may or may not adhere to.

Post that hour of discussion, headed home feeling a Saturday morning was interestingly spent. The best part of the day was Ira sitting in the audience and saying,  "Yaay Mamma!", each time I had the mike. 

Friday, September 23, 2016

Where are you?


Mamma travels. Papa manages home and Ira and they both have super fun. Four days now and Mamma can't wait to get home.  What is constant in these four days are the little conversations with Ira.


Ira: where are you mamma?
Me: hotel
Ira: taking Ben the plane
(she wants to know if am in cab,  hotel,  plane or at work each time we speak during the course of the day)
Me: yes mona, today evening
Ira: hmmm.  Mamma in hyderabad
Me: hmmm. Silent nod
Ira: hear me? (can you hear me?)
Me: yes babu. I can hear you
Ira: OK mamma.  Come home. Meet Ira. Okay! Love you. Miss you.  Bye

Moments like this you want to drop everything you are doing and rush home.  Moments like this you realise your little baby is growing up.  Moments like this you are glad for all the 'spousal support' (cliché).

Ira and Ira ke Papa,  you both are rockstars I say.  Can't wait to be home.  <3 p="">

Friday, September 16, 2016

Suicide -Making sense of the Science & Signs







“She was such a spirited girl and had such leadership qualities. Cannot believe that she committed suicide.” “He was such a talented man and always so happy. Don’t know what drove him to take the extreme step.” These typical reactions show surprise and despair, bringing to the fore the curious case of—why do people who seem so successful commit suicides?



An act of ‘Suicide’ impacts the individual, the family, the community and the world at large. September 10th is celebrated as World Suicide Prevention Day. Across the world, communities are gearing up to organize awareness camps, talks and drives, across schools, colleges and the society at large.



Suicide is globally the second leading cause of death among people in the age range of 15-29 years, reported the World Health Organisation in 2014. In India, the number of suicide deaths in this range is really high – 40% of suicide deaths in men and 56% of suicide deaths in women occurs during this time period, as reported in the 2012 Million Death Study in India. The WHO member countries have come together to put into motion, strategies to work towards suicide prevention in a more proactive manner, with a goal to reduce the incidence of suicides by at least 10% by 2020.



There are various risk factors to suicide. At the individual level, it is important to understand the subtle aspects of the mental health of the person, previous episodes of depression or anxiety; stress, pain related issues or substance abuse; family history of suicide and also family/relation based conflicts, genetic and biological factors. Dr. Dean Burnett, Guardian Science Blogger and Psychiatry tutor at Cardiff University brings to fore two important aspects of financial success and self-criticism. Dr. Burnett says that, “The capitalist and economic emphasis of much of modern society means that people are expected to show worth and acquire value, largely by financial means. The emphasis on this, coupled with the economic restrictions and transfer of wealth to the already wealthy, may well lead to increased despair, depression, futility, feelings of worthlessness etc., all of which can be strong factors in suicide.” He further adds that when people see how much others are achieving and become acutely aware of their own failings and limitations, people feel despondent and self-critical. All these can be factors that lead to suicide.



Prof. Nalini Dwarakanath, Counselling Psychologist & Therapist at the Centre for Counselling & Support, Indian Institute of Science cites various reasons that drive students to suicide in a competitive academic environment. The challenges of competition, the peer pressure, the stress of deadlines and the inability to cope often result in students experiencing low self-esteem and anxiety, coupled with self-doubt. The role of the institute in setting up a support system is vital here.  It is essential to do away with the stigma attached and encourage students to approach the on-campus counselling centre when they experience distress. Orienting new students to the campus culture, challenges of the academic environment and the available support system go a long way in helping those who experience stress and low self-esteem.  She says it is essential to believe that, “Help is available and every issue can be resolved. There is a solution for each and every problem.”



Can the science of suicides be explained in such a simple manner, just delineating the signs? While there are checklists that may help us understand whether a person could be prone to suicides, many a times people do not show any prior symptoms. In such cases, suicides may be impulsive, rather than a meticulously planned action. The recent incident of a Bangalore based theatre person ‘researching’ on ‘ways to die’ for over 48 hours prior to taking the plunge from a multi-storey building once again raised questions as to what can the community do to reach out to such individuals. A compassionate, thoughtful and human approach is essential. In a time and age when we are so engulfed in our own lives, it is essential to know people around us, to know our neighbours, to know ourselves.



How do we prevent suicides in communities? “One obvious method is to be available to people. Don't close others off or dismiss their concerns for reasons which may seem more important at the time. It's when people feel the most hopeless that they can be so vulnerable to suicidal thinking, so providing a space or at least the opportunity to find someone sympathetic to talk to, or even just someone enquiring as to their wellbeing, can be a big help”, says Dr. Dean Burnett.


There are various suicide helplines in India, some of which work 24*7. The SAHAI helpline for suicide prevention and emotional distress, set up in 2002 at the Medico Pastoral Association, Bangalore has now over a decade helped people in distress, through telephonic counselling. Mrs. Latha Jacob, Clinical Manager at the Medico Pastoral Association, talks about the role of suicide helpline in managing depression and preventing suicides.


“In the present societal scenario of need for instant gratification, helplines are useful for anyone who need information urgently or need to communicate distress. The role of suicide prevention helpline is primarily to provide an avenue to a person who is experiencing intense psychological pain to express the fears, anger or grief he/she may be going through”, said Mrs Jacob in an interview. “This also facilitates ventilation of the deep sadness, feeling of helpless emotions that a person with depression may be experiencing. A few pertinent questions will help the counselors at a helpline to identify the features of depression and help the caller to get the help they require.”


While we ponder about lives lost to suicide; let us work together to understand the signs, recognise the call for help, provide support and wash away the associated stigma. This is a battle that the community has to come forward to fight together, because even in their moment of greatest fear and despair, no one is really alone; someone somewhere is in their thoughts.


Suicide Helplines in India

·         SAHAI, Bangalore: 080-25497777

·         The Samaritans Mumbai: 022 3247-3267

·         Aasra Suicide Prevention Centre, Mumbai : 022-27546669

·         Sneha Suicide Helpline, Chennai:  044 - 24640050, 044 – 24640060

·         iCALL (a venture by TISS) : 022-25563291

·         Sumaitri Crisis Intervention Centre, Delhi :011-23389090







P.S: This piece was written a year back with an intention to publish it somewhere. Well, that never happened. So, here it finds a place on my blog. I am thankful to Dr. Dean Burnett, Mrs. Latha Jacob and Prof. Nalini Dwarakanath for their interactions and thoughts. Thank you to Sandhya Sekar who helped with the edits.












Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Pink, Puja, Play...... Pramadh



The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of celebrations at JH. As parents, it has meant that we ensure Ira is in the 'directed' outfits (traditional clothes are the norm on festive days) and that has resulted in creative fusion solutions, frantic buys and happy camera moments. For Ira, in several ways, it has been the opening up of a whole new world. There has been some confusions, some adamant Ira moments and some moments of pure bliss.


PINK


Ira has discovered a love for her purple and pink shoes (which she chose over red ones in the store); We have successfully put together a pink ensemble for her - matching- matching head to toe! The priceless moment was getting a compliment from a friend, whose daughter is almost always impeccably attired in coordinated clothes. We have always been very conscious about ensuring a gender neutral colour wardrobe for her, which meant that she has lots of blues and greys too, amidst the yellows, greens, reds and pinks. She has recently taken a liking to somethings pink- like the pink bike or a pink rainbow top and we have gone with the flow.

The various festive celebrations at school were accompanied by 'Puja' in some form. For Ira, this is an alien concept as we do not have any idols at home or the concept of puja. So, when asked to put a kumkum tika or eat Prasad, she rubbed the tika from her forehead and refused the sweet. We primarily think it is the unfamiliarity of the act. What is interesting is the school teachers telling us (in an apologetic tone) that she didn't want it or that she cried when they were all asked to specifically sit in a room where Puja was being performed. We told them that all this is new for her and we are absolutely fine (her Papa being the most happy) if she doesn't follow these. While her behaviour or our reactions are not the norm that is expected, we do hope that we will have the freedom to do as we please. Which means, they don't force Ira to do things she doesn't and we are not expected to instruct her to follow those rituals. In the future, it is possible that Ira may choose a 'faith' that she may follow and may become ritualistic in her own way, and she would have the freedom to make that choice. We have not assigned her a religion in her birth certificate (Details and more in an upcoming blog post).

PUJA


The last few weeks have also been her initiation into playdates and mall play spaces (for the first time ever!!!). I am discovering the daunting task that Mammas have today of planning play dates and such. When we were kids, we played on the house street with what we had. Today, with growing nuclear families, unless you have friends in your apartment, your child is surrounded by adults. These playdates are a fabulous way to get them to meet their class friends in different environments. The WhatsApp group of mommies that seemed like the most natural thing to do, has actually become a form of social support. Clarifying what day is being celebrated, does the bandh affect the school, when is the PTM etc etc. One of the biggest positives is, in the course of things, I have met some amazing moms and found new friends sharing quirky common interests (again a topic for a solo blog post)! It has been a revelation seeing Ira in the new play spaces. The mall was like an overload of things to do and she was wanting to do everything at the same time. We of course discovered the immense energy they have to keep doing the same thing again and again- when rotating, revolving, running and jumping across soft terrains seemed like the biggest life goals. Play dates help immensely develop a childs' interpersonal skills and we are just glad that we jumped on the band wagon. Ira and we of course are partial to the parks and natural spaces, where picking stones and cleaning the area with a twig is like a mission for her. Ira  for sometime when asked her school name, would actually say, "Cubbon Park"!


PLAY


Lingering in all these, have been the 'Pramadh' moments that we have observed, ably demonstrated by our 27 month old. When asked her name, Ira almost always tells her full name, "Ira Pramadh"(while we gloat beside her). What we have also realised is that she seems to have a very strong sense of yes or no. She loves nature and dogs and climbing mini hillocks; and doing things her Mamma perceives as risky, like clinging onto a ball swing and swinging. Irrespective of the activity or the place, the keen interest to know what is in the snack box. The eagerness to demonstrate the new things she has learnt. While her learning curve has been steep, the absorption of the same has been a steeper curve for us. Whether it is walking through a book aisle and shouting, "Papa, see FROJEN" or telling us, "Okay Guys! Look at me, I will now sing Ring-a ring-a roses" or reasoning, "....because I like...". I for sure will not disagree with Ms. Pramadh. So, adios till tales of tomorrow!


PRAMADH



Rima, you are deeply loved

                                                  Rima at Infinitea, Bengaluru Dearest Rima, I wish I wasn’t writing this letter to you. B...