Year three! Gratitude to thee

                              Happy Holidays

March 26th 2019 marked the final day of Montessori Three for Ira. This year's gratitude list , keeping to the 'Pramadh' tradition.

Montessori three has been about Ira learning a lot of things academically- math, new languages, a sudden explosion into writing. There has been a greater exploration of activities, paintings that were blobs of paint initially have now taken imaginative forms. There are blades of grass and imaginative animals and monsters. At a social and interpersonal level, the choice to assert herself, the ability to react to situations, talking non-stop when she is in her comfort space and exercising the right to silence when she wants to. Year three has been a year of cumulative experiences in some sense. She has surprised us with some things that she suddenly says, the constant 5W and 1H keep us on our toes, the references to memories and how we store them intrigue us every moment. How does a little human being take in so much, perceive so much, express so much? It is just mind boggling at times.

This year the gratitude list will be about things she says and does and the way she expresses them, the Ira way. A lot of learnings, some simple and some complex.


1. A simple thought
This line of her just had to be the first point. One evening when we were sitting together and doing some reading and she was scribbling on paper, she said "When you love someone, you shld be respectable to them". We have had a lot of conversations on love. Some even on marriage thanks to some of the animated movies when the lead characters get married or are in love. We were both taken aback a bit by this line and then our hearts swelled with pride. And we told her what she said was right, respect the person you love. Simple, isn't it?

2. When Mamma Papa become dictionaries on the go.
Ira listen to stories when we drive and has some eternal favorites. While listening to these stories, she has not only memorised some lines but also discovered new words. She immediately asks us what that means and we have to give her an explanation. At times, she is convinced with the explanation and at times, she wants more examples. Some sample words are Exploration, struck, dejected. Mind you, when the examples include a narration with her as the protagonist, it is more impactful :)

3.Learning the vernacular
We have often been asked about which language is given preference at home. While we both wanted her to learn the vernaculars, we had decided that it had to be organic and not a forced thing. We converse primarily in English at home and that obviously was the first language she picked up. While she is fairly articulate in English, it is this year that she has exhibited a deep interest in learning the vernaculars. So, she states a line in English and then ask, "Mamma, what do you say for this in Bangla?" or "Papa, how do you say this in Kannada?". So, we have some days when she is vernacular happy and so 'sari' and 'theek aache' happens in the same breath.

4. Family, friendships and all fabulous things about them.
She has begun marking clear roles and involvement of family members. She tells people that she has three grandmothers (Dida, Mashidida and Ajji) and two grandfathers( Dadu and Meshodadu). She ofcourse loves the indulgent moments with them. Be it chatting, shopping and playing with her Mamas (Joy and Rony) or sending video messages to her chikkapa (Gundu), she has it all sorted.
She is also more vocal about who her friends are and yes, they have groups already. She has discovered the world of 'Too with you' and how to negotiate with that. Understanding that friendships matter, in her own little way. Making cards that tell her friends- you are a star, with a star sticker or making bookmarks for them. She loves her play dates and even plans them by herself and then Mamma or Papa are told, "We have to meet this friend today at Sankey tank" :).

5.Boroline is the obvious solution
Boroline is the solution to all the scratches, cuts and even the mosquito bites. It is the best for even chapped lips. She can get upset if there is no boroline to solve a problem. She definitely shares this quality with mamma, the love for boroline eternally.

6. The journey between feeling and expressing
When little human beings realise that they feel sad, scared, confused, loved and are able to express it; it is heart melting. Like one day she was sad because someone refused to play with her, when she is scared just before her flu shot, when she is confused why someone says something. She is vocal about it and also wants us to be vocal about it. She tells us when she is upset with us. This morning during bath, she told P, "Papa, you are my precious". Feel it, express it. No two ways about it.

7. Taking care of the world around. Reduce reuse recycle.
We bought her one of those activity kits that you get out of pure curiosity and then figured that not just she, we also love doing the little activities with her. One such activity she learned about caring for the world and the 3R. Ever since, they have become a part of our daily conversations. Ira has her own bamboo brush and steel straws. We have also recently begun carrying around a straw with us. Our little way to follow what we taught her.


8.Loving going to school, loving her teachers and her summer camps at school.
She loves school. Barring days when she is down with a high fever, she never misses school. She will not skip school if we just ask to. What does she love so much about school? The fact that she does painting every day, plays in the garden and talks to her friends. She also proclaims her love towards her teacher, B. Some days, she rattles off all that she has been doing at school, excitedly shows us all the materials before the PTM; and some days blankly say, she did nothing. But there is love even in that nothing.

9.Making up stories, the creative way
Sometimes little human beings make up stories, their own way. We adults call them lies. When we look at those stories from their eyes, there is a perspective to it. As a parent, it takes patience to make the child understand how such creative liberties must not be taken often. The best way to do this is not be creative in this sense with the child. In adult language, do not lie to a child because then the child will know that you are doing what you are expecting from them. Whoever said parenting was easy.

10. Making independent decisions and learning about consequences.
While the streak of independence was seen last year, this year it is stronger and expressed more vehemently. The other day I wanted to dry her hair and was vigorous with the towel. She wanted a little water left in her hair so that when she combs, she can feel it. She was upset with me and said, "I wanted you to leave little water. It is my body, my hair and my decision how wet my hair should be". I could either dismiss this as a little random thing or see how this is a way to assert independence. Also, the reason why once in awhile when she asks, we let her pack her bag the way she wants to and wear the clothes she wants to. They could not be coordinated according to an adult, but who cares. The little human being is learning to make decisions and live with the consequences.

11. Learning the joys of carpooling and going to school with her bunch of friends.
Last year, we used to go with A and junior A to school a lot of times and she even got picked up by A once in a while. This year, there have been many times when a few of her friends' parents and we decided to carpool. So, if one parent dropped the kids in the morning, another picked them up post school. For us, it was a new thing and for the kids too. What we learnt was that kids love going with their friends in the same car. The decibel level and the happiness quotient is high even after a tiring day at school and ofcourse they love the little treats that the parent picking them up carry. What is there not to like about lollypops, cupcakes and buttermilk or nimbu Pani?

12. Learning about gender roles and creating her own rules
It is very interesting how we may try to give her gender neutral toys or clothes in gender neutral colours; but somehow they are exposed to behavior or expectations that is heavily determined by gender. She was told that every girl should have a Barbie or that lipstick makes a girl beautiful. What ensued were conversations on how little human beings must do what they like and make their own rules. If she likes her superhero figurines, that is perfect. If she prefers blue and dinosaur on her tees, that is perfect. If she wants to keep the hair short and have Nash (her hair stylist) do some hair tattoos, that is fine too. There are days when she wants to play with Piku,Pata, Ashsha and Sasha, her dolls and that is fine too. The idea is to let her know that she has a choice. A choice about not confirming to gender roles, a choice about wearing the langa blouse and shorts because the langa obstructs when she plays in the school garden. It is a very critical line to define and we are working to unfold it with her.

13.Learning to claim her space and being a part of conversations
In her first year of Montessori, she would be shy and would take time to interact. Today, she helps her teacher to gather all children on the blue line, takes initiative to share thoughts during story time, makes it clear that it is her chance on the swing now. When she wants to listen to you, she will say 'excuse me' ( most of the time) and present her case. If you ignore or are self absorbed, she will make it clear that she needs to be heard. For her Papa and me, this is important because we believe that every little human being must learn to claim their space and be a part of conversations.

I initially thought that I had a few things to say, but once I began writing this piece, realised there was so much more to share.

We are grateful to the Montessori system where we see Ira blossoming and discovering herself, we are grateful to the experiences, the friendships that she and we have made over the last three years. We are grateful that we have found and built our support systems in this little world of ours.

From one Montessori parent to another, if gratitude can be spelt out in words- this is what it looks like.

                       Montessori Three, final day


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