I will put myself first

Ira made this card for me and made Papa go and get a Chocolate for Mamma. She sure knows what makes Mamma happy.


Dearest Ira,

Been a while since I have written one of my letters to you.

I always seem to choose these designated days to do so. Not because I don't have anything to say the other days. But because these days, our timelines are filled with messages.

Messages that are both beautiful and worrisome. Messages that epitomise mothers and at the same time present a narrative of crazy expectations from her. Advertisements that exault her,ask you to take care of her, buy her those silks and diamonds, get her that medical check up. And also advertisements that show her managing home and work with that perfect dress, perfect makeup and perfect smile. She can tide over every trouble, she can cook that elaborate perfect meal and have a home that looks like those right out of movies.

I want to tell you that all of the above may be present, but only in bits and pieces. You are a little girl today and some day, you may choose to be a 'Mamma'. I said may choose because I do not want to make any presumptions about your life choices and neither do I want to burden you with my expectations, layered in a line of what is good for you. I am not working to leave a legacy or a burden of my expectations.

I am your Mamma and that is one of the best things that happened to me.
I have more imperfect moments than perfect ones.
I have smiles to shares and tears too,
I have cuddles to give and shivers to hold,
I have fears and apprehensions,
I have courage and moments of utter cowardice,
I really know what I want and also, there are times when am completely lost,
I love you to the moon and back, and sometimes, I want only me-time,
I am in tears when you do all your 'firsts'
And even now, your birth-month is an emotional time,
I will read to you all the stories in the world, but my reading time is mine alone,
I may not always sacrifice, but I shall empower you.
I will fight with you and I will fight for you,
I will share that fish head with you and yet sometimes eat the mango guthli all alone,
I will give you that last piece of cake and then sometimes, eat all the chocolate myself,
I love you, you are my world and yet
I will put myself first.

I will put myself first
Take care of my health, my peace of mind
Think of being myself, and then a partner and a Mamma
I will put myself first
I will do my best and let go when I can't
I will be human in every way
I will put myself first.

Because only then, can I be the best Mamma for you. Only when I take care of myself, can I take care of you. Only when I live my dreams, can I tell you what it feels to have dreams and fulfill them. Only when I fight my challenges, can I tell you what it means to be a warrior every day. Only when am kind to myself, can I be kind to the world around me.

I will put myself first, just the way you must always put yourself first.

Love and Hugs,
Mamma


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