Four Reflections at Forty

 

I love birthdays. I love the birthday month. I turned 40 in 2020! Some reflections and some deep learnings.

Breaking Boundaries, Exploring New Paths

The biggest leap of faith that Prashant and I as parents have taken this year is to homeschool Ira. The decision was led by various circumstances and thoughts. We are growing with this experience. It has been rewarding and also frustrating at times. Keeping pace with the little human being is a task and we are doing the best we can. I have been blogging about this and will hopefully also share not just the triumphs but some of the challenges that we face and how do we navigate them. For me, the experience of creating a curriculum for her that is customised and meets the needs for her age has been an uphill task. But a task that is now part of my life. As I write this blog today, I have already planned what Prashant and am teaching her this week. We share the activities and the explorations. I always thought that am quite patient, but there have been moments when I have lost it. The homeschooling has been the most humbling experience ever and seems like a constant conscious journey to find that merging space between being a parent, a teacher, a friend and adulting through it all.

Anyone who knows me would know that I find my comfort in reading, meeting people, cooking and board games. But as a parent, you are no more just you. So, the last year, I have tried to move out of my comfort zones and venture into a territory that my little girl loves. So, this year, I began on a new trail. Did a few treks, sometimes I find it hard to get that footing, I have slipped and stumbled, struggled to catch my breath. But He always tells me, “Maddi, one step at a time.” I have done just that. And am actually beginning to enjoy the treks. The first day of the month we went to HuthriDurga Betta, near Bengaluru. That moment when you look out and see the world from the top of the hill. Looking forward to more treks this coming year.

Doing what I love

This year I decided to not just read atleast one new author every month, but also read one work of non-fiction every month. One of the best decisions I have taken with regard to this hobby of mine. I will ofcourse write a blog on the books I read this year. For now, I have done what I love and what I set out to do.

The pandemic this year also meant there was a lot more cooking that happened. Tried simple traditional dishes and plated my food with lot of enthu most days and also took pics very religiously. Ira was at her wits end one day and said, “Now eat Mamma!”. Then, there have been days when He made exotic dishes, and I plated and took the pics. The happiness and sense of fulfilment a plate of food can give you is immense. A dear friend who loves our cooking has been nudging that we should start an insta page on food. Too much work I feel. But, like I know, Never say never. For now, I love to eat and I love to cook and did that plentiful.

There is a lot that I want to learn and do. While I teach at Mount Carmel as a Guest Professor, for both Psychology and Public Policy Masters Students; I also do trainings in Corporates. This pandemic, I focused on upskilling. Did a basic course on Coaching and have already signed up for the Practitioner’s Certification. A course that I found absolutely fascinating and that moulded some of my thoughts very strongly this year was the Science of Well-being Course from Yale University, and the rewirement exercise that was a part of it. Practicing gratitude and savoring experiences was always a priority, but now I also understand better how it really helps.

A friend asked me a few months back to be a part of a collective of Moms that works on Clean Air. While am a silent contributor most of the time and pitch in my thoughts as a lay person and an asthamatic once in a while, it is a cause that is close to me heart and my lungs. This group is called the Warrior Moms. A volunteering initiative that I hope to be more actively involved in in the coming months.

Learning to let go

There are some fears that plague everyone. For me, it is often about the inability to say no, inability to put myself first, inability to prioritise self in a friendship. This year, I have slowly and steadily done this and I shall continue to do that. This is a commitment to self. Because I matter and so does my mental health.

Love is all we have

Each of us express love differently. Differently towards our parents, siblings and friends; differently towards our partners and our children. This year, while WFH and being in a space where you only end up seeing 2 people all the time, you realise even more that Love is all we have. You fight with your little one, you disagree with your partner, you ride that wheel of emotion and find yourself swaying in insane directions. You miss seeing your parents who live but a few minutes away. You are thankful for those moments when you are together and you cherish them.

He is the quiet romantic one, whose pragmatism takes precedence, and so are his ways of expressing love. While we had crazy weeks happening, he planned a surprise holiday to mark this landmark birthday. I have been totally paranoid about stepping out and so, a quaint homestay at Sakaleshpur was the perfect choice. Love, uniquely.

My little girl has her own unique ways to express love through little chits and notes that she writes for us. Sometimes, I walk out of a session or finish a tough day to find a small note tucked in a book am reading or on the dining table. She has taught me that I can love someone so much. Didn’t I say, Love is all we have.

Ma cooks my favourite dishes and sends and Baba sends me those special veggies that I like to eat. This is love, packed in boxes. Bhai and I have long chats everyday, we annoy each other but given a moment when either of us need the other, we are right there. I can crib and bitch to him about life and he will listen. Love comes in all colours.

This year has been bearable in many ways because I have had friends who have been by my side, in thoughts and actions. Helping me get thorough a difficult day or cheering me up and having pre-birthday celebrations and extended moments of gratitude. This year has seen it all. A little message, a call that has made all the difference. Because, Love matters.

 

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