"Go Maddie"...."Am trying Prashant"
When a Facebook post you write transforms into a longer blog post. today is one such day!
Two articles, both about birthing, both about choice, both about motherhood. Period. #stopjudgingmoms #stopjudgingbirthchoices
Each birthing experience is unique just the way each of us are unique. I have heard from friends with two babies that for a mother, no two pregnancies are alike.
But what baffles and saddens me is the amount of judgement that is there about pregnancy, birthing and motherhood. To be honest, I have also been guilty of them, of endorsing what I thought is right. While I may be partially right, the fact is there is another side to every story always.
Some things that were told and signalled to me by various people:
Delivery is difficult when you are fat
Delivery is painful, the normal one...they meant the vaginal birth.
Fat women usually have c-sec and complications.
You are on the heavier side (polite way to say things), you will have thyroid and gestational diabetes.
You will never lose that pregnancy weight
You will become 'loose' with normal birth, choose c-sec ( please do not ask what this even means)
You are over 30, expect complications
Sometimes, I wanted to scream but I was almost always very polite, curt to very few...at times, I really couldn't care what anyone said...I was enjoying my pregnancy too much ( read "in a heartbeat" post...evil grin..my ploy to make you read my favourite post ever). Enjoying it because I treated it normal, did everything that I could, some mad things too...thanks to Prashant who was super supportive and my family and friends, who were a part of this madness in their own way. A big shout out to all of them.
I was 33 1/2 years (exactly) when I had Ira at 40 weeks and two days. I had to be induced because I had no pain. My doctor at a super speciality birthing hospital was very pro-normal and even the nurses kept encouraging me to hang in there. I had to be induced thrice, was in labour for over 8-9 hours; and I chose to take the epidural, just before the window closed because the pain got unbearable for me and for Prashant whose hands had marks thanks to my clenching them. I had a vaginal birth. I had a filmy moment amidst all the pain, the sweaty - bloody me and my enthusiastic partner shouting, "Go Maddie" in the labor room...and I replied with a contorted face, "am trying Prashant"! We did provide full entertainment to the medical experts there.
Life changed, my body changed, we changed and so did our world. And end of the day, this is what defines that moment. It must not be normal vs c-sec, naturally conceived vs ivf, home birth vs hospital birth, breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. These are not categories to be pitted against. These are not competing medals of honour, each of them must have their place in our hearts, our lives and this world.
Let us stop judging moms, let us stop judging birth choices.