"Why you put so much coriander Mamma, why?"

Dear Ira,

Every morning is as exciting as we welcome a new day with some new and some old questions. Keep those questions coming 'mona'. Having an inquisitive mind is a good thing. It is in fact one of the best things that can happen to a human being.

I was called a 'doubt girl' at school and it wasn't a compliment. But I have asked questions, in classes, to teachers, to people, to doctors...I usually have that urge that I need to know. And then one day, I met someone who wants to know the rationale behind everything and I mean everything, your pragmatic papa. So, I guess between us, we are a 'questioning family'!

Your questions range from the sweet toddler ones like, "Can I have some more bikki (biscuit) please?" to "why you put so much coriander mamma, why?", referring to the coriander in the dal. When you ask your papa, "where we going papa, where?" and in the same breath, "dadu place?". When you ask us how to make roti for pigeon or how to park your balance bike, when you ask for 'happy socks' only and 'muskmelon for snacks'. Your papa and I feel super proud because you are making small and big decisions, you are demonstrating an inquisitive mind, you do show that you know what you want. We hope this independent and inquisitive streak continues. We hope you continue to ask us the tough questions, like you already do. Tough questions like, "why you angry?" or even, "why you laughing?".

Ira, there are many a times when we as adults stop asking tough questions. Tough questions in difficult situations, tough questions to people who hurt us or even tough questions to self. Do not ever stop.

Recently, you quizzically looked at a small cut on your hand and asked, "Mamma, put Boroline or bandage?".
Life is like that most times, it is about choices and questions pertaining to them.

So, goodluck and happy questioning!
Love,
Your Mamma

Hello World, See you in a while!

Dear Me,

That moment when the 'pain' is bigger than what the mind can manage and the body can take, let go. Slow down, calm your restless mind, stop making freaking imagery of missed deadlines, take that break, slack, do nothing!
Ligament tear induced 'pain' break.
Make the grand announcement, "Hello World, See you in a while!"

Love,
Me only

#micro-blogging #break #ligamenttear #painatanotherlevel #Mtrails 

Accidentally yours!

Dear Life,
Monday morning be mundane, be boring, be sluggish! Naah, not for me. Just walking out of the famous malleshwaram orthopaedic clinic. Right ankle ligament tear, thanks to a weird fall on Saturday evening.

Multiple x-rays rules out a fracture ( am I glad or what) and then, a very nice doctor did some bending of the foot and took an x-ray to check for ligament tear! Bingo, there it was. Been advised two weeks of rest and restricted movement and here I had plans for busy social days ahead.

Things will go on, rest shall happen and ligament shall heal. All in good time.

Sprains, tears, miniscule fractures have an affinity towards me. December 2014 saw me being casted in a rohit shetty kind of movie where my auto drove fast near maramma circle, lost balance, rear wheel in air, me out of auto with my left palm on road, being dragged for few seconds...minutes...no idea! Turned out to be a fracture of the thumb and needed a cast for about 6 weeks. I went to the doctor after waiting for a week, because the pain seemed tolerable. But just post the accident, I was unable to gauge the damage and so picked myself up, sat in the auto and went and attended the SHEROES summit 2014 edition. Then by lunch, when the swelling did appear and sense prevailed, I took the cab and got home.

Besides the story that I can tell my future generations, what was a learning was to deal with those 6 weeks believing , All is well! Attended a wedding, some parties, emceed a Gala charity dinner for an NGO that works in the area of education and work continued. The funny thing is when people saw the cast and said, "Bechara, khub betha naa. issshhh... bachcha o choto, khub koshto" ( poor thing, must be painful, baby also small...very troublesome moment). In reply, I said , yes, but will cribbing help me or Ira or Prashant or the world. Ira was about 7 months then but Prashant was completely taking care of her, to ensure I had rest. I only carried her when she insisted.

The bane of being a strong woman ( mental, physical, combi of both... whatever you want to choose) is that we are often required to explain that strength or even show that the strength is a result of some sacrifice crap. But the fact is it is not...I have an allergy to being over dependent or bechari types. I am not perfect, ofcourse there is pain, there is discomfort...but life is too precious to spend time cribbing. And when accidents are part and parcel of life, you may as well take them in your stride.

So, looking forward to the next two weeks. Some interesting meet ups, planning a farewell party, attending some talks! Bring it on I say...One step at a time Ouch...that ligament hurts :)

Accidentally yours,
M
#accidents #life #grateful #crib #existentialtruths

"Go Maddie"...."Am trying Prashant"

When a Facebook post you write transforms into a longer blog post. today is one such day!

Two articles, both about birthing, both about choice, both about motherhood. Period. #stopjudgingmoms #stopjudgingbirthchoices

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/07/10/opinion/sunday/get-the-epidural.html?referer=http://m.facebook.com/

https://www.babble.com/pregnancy/jessi-klein-new-york-times-essay-tells-women-to-just-get-the-epidural/

Each birthing experience is unique just the way each of us are unique. I have heard from friends with two babies that for a mother, no two pregnancies are alike.

But what baffles and saddens me is the amount of judgement that is there about pregnancy, birthing and motherhood. To be honest, I have also been guilty of them, of endorsing what I thought is right. While I may be partially right, the fact is there is another side to every story always.

Some things that were told and signalled to me by various people:
Delivery is difficult when you are fat
Delivery is painful, the normal one...they meant the vaginal birth.
Fat women usually have c-sec and complications.
You are on the heavier side (polite way to say things), you will have thyroid and gestational diabetes.
You will never lose that pregnancy weight
You will become 'loose' with normal birth, choose c-sec ( please do not ask what this even means)
You are over 30, expect complications

Sometimes, I wanted to scream but I was almost always very polite, curt to very few...at times, I really couldn't care what anyone said...I was enjoying my pregnancy too much ( read "in a heartbeat" post...evil grin..my ploy to make you read my favourite post ever). Enjoying it because I treated it normal, did everything that I could, some mad things too...thanks to Prashant who was super supportive and my family and friends, who were a part of this madness in their own way. A big shout out to all of them.

I was 33 1/2 years (exactly) when I had Ira at 40 weeks and two days. I had to be induced because I had no pain. My doctor at a super speciality birthing hospital was very pro-normal and even the nurses kept encouraging me to hang in there. I had to be induced thrice, was in labour for over 8-9 hours; and I chose to take the epidural, just before the window closed because the pain got unbearable for me and for Prashant whose hands had marks thanks to my clenching them. I had a vaginal birth. I had a filmy moment amidst all the pain, the sweaty - bloody me and my enthusiastic partner shouting, "Go Maddie" in the labor room...and I replied with a contorted face, "am trying Prashant"! We did provide full entertainment to the medical experts there.

Life changed, my body changed, we changed and so did our world. And end of the day, this is what defines that moment. It must not be normal vs c-sec, naturally conceived vs ivf, home birth vs hospital birth, breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. These are not categories to be pitted against. These are not competing medals of honour, each of them must have their place in our hearts, our lives and this world.

Let us stop judging moms, let us stop judging birth choices.

M trails...Only person who knows is you!

There are days when you stare at the computer screen and that is all you do. BLANK. SPACE. PERIOD. ....MORE BLANK...MORE SPACE...

Then there are days when mental diarrhoea converts to those long articles where you pour out your heart, soul, blood and sweaty tired fingers ( esp if after years of being a researcher you still type awkwardly like I do).

Then somewhere in between come days with semblance of mediocrity, normalcy when how you use the words, how your sentences wind up do not matter, what matters is that you have something to say and you have your blog space to say it. Your little corner of comfort, your haven; that little girl-diary, you want no one to read and yet you want the world to know exactly what you are thinking.

My thought today, "No one can tell you how much you can think, how much you can do and how much you can feel...the only person who knows is you!".

Reviving my 'Mind Trails' series of blog-posts, that will now imbibe the spirit of a micro-blog (hopefully) and keep my 'mad' moments going.

The innumerable new possibilities ahead...

Dear Ira,

You have completed 5 weeks of school. It is a milestone, a milestone for you and a milestone for us. The last few weeks have been a revelation in seeing you in a new environment, adapting, learning, finding your foothold, taking those baby steps. From day one when you walked in without a drop of tear, all smiling and excited to day two, when you wailed your guts out. And on being asked why you crying, you said, " everybody crying". One of the first experiences of yours in collective behaviour this is and there will be many many more. In five weeks now, you go in smiling and you come out happy and for us, that seems like a moment of celebration every single day.

Parenting is complex, and your joining Montessori has made us realise this even more. Day one when you walked in smiling and my eyes swelled up with tears and my racing heart was what parenting is about. That moment when you walked out smiling after an hour of being inside and your Papa fisted his hand in the air and said, yes emphatically is what parenting is about. Parenting is selfish, parenting is about feel good moments, parenting is about hoping there will be less mishaps, parenting is about reading tons of parenting articles in a hope to master the 'parenting', parenting is about letting your heart fight your mind. Parenting is also about discovering the multitude of OCDs. When Papa checks if you have finished your snack and drank water and when mamma checks if you managed to understand 'washroom' instructions and use the facility. Parenting is about making every moment a moment of celebration. Schools today give us the perfect opportunity to do that in style. You had a red day and we proudly sent you in a red attire with a red Frisbee.

These nano achievements give your parents more happiness than they ever imagined. Every Friday is ethnic day and we are stocking up on the kurtis and the crushed skirts and drooling over the fusion themes. You also celebrated Eid and brought home your first greeting card. Awwie!!

We, every moment analyse our choice of the school, we find things that substantiate our choice for you. We as parents do what seems best at that moment for you and we are happy about this choice that we have made.

Ira, you have been a total rockstar these last few weeks. What you have done is big- waking up to an alarm ( yes yes... Papa is getting her used to a frog croaking sound alarm on the ipod), staying away from mamma and papa for few hours, making new friends in a whole new place, listening and following to instructions from teachers and aunties, learning to share your snack box on the way back home when we carpool with a friend, telling us about your day and bringing back small snippets of notices wrapped in your little hands carefully. You have begun to make choices, like choosing a dino school bag over an owl one or a sophie (Giraffe) one. These small steps in decision making will make you an individual by your own right. Even choosing which happy socks to wear! Small decisions but real big deal:)

You have also bravely dealt with a bad bout of infection and the eagerness to go back to school after three days of sick leave just was so awesome. We have learnt that you play hide and seek every other day and also ringa ringa roses. You have told us that you color, aunty sings songs, you have been told " no stamping on the mat" and ofcourse, " swim..swim...oh no!". We are so very glad that your school had the rhyme day for parents and we were finally able to decipher the swim swim poem and have learnt it with the eagerness of a two year old and taken the videos.

There never was a dull moment with you around and in the last five weeks, the entertainment is on a record and repeat mode and we are loving it. There are also challenging moments, but shall leave that for another post.

This is just the beginning of a long journey, a journey where we hope you learn the essence of education, the importance of treating people with love and respect; you discover yourself and you let us discover ourselves as parents. You learn to love yourself and love the world.

While you begin school, we rewind and re-begin a fascinating journey with you.
Looking forward to the play dates, the craft works, the story times and the rhyme sessions, the photos capturing the precious....and the innumerable new possibilities ahead...

Love you to the moon and back,
Your Mamma